REAR ENTRIES: Seattle Special

October 17, 2008 at 12:45pm by Scott   •  3 Comments »

WALLACE TO START FOR SEAHAWKS: In case you haven’t heard yet, Seneca Wallace looks like he’ll get the start for Seattle against the Bucs this Sunday. Matt Hasselbeck is out for the game with what the Seahawks are claiming is a bad back, but what my inside sources are telling me is really Rogaine poisoning. And if Wallace can’t make it because of a calf strain that he’s playing through, their next in line is Charlie Frye. Now do you feel better about the Bucs’ quarterback depth?

JULIUS JONES CALLS BUCS DEFENSE FEEBLE PUSSIES: Well, not in so many words. But Jones did say how smart the Bucs defensive players are and that in order to beat them, they’ll have to do it athletically.

“They’re smart players and what you have to do with those guys is kind of beat them athletically,’’ Jones said. “I know a couple guys are up there in age and that’s how we’re going to try to get around those guys – beat them athletically.’’

Jones’s comment got noticed by the same dudes who are going to try and plant his spine in the ground like a sapling. Why do people try to piss off Kevin Carter?

Bucs DE Kevin Carter, who is 35, took Jones’ comments personally. Carter printed Jones’ quote and hung it on the locker-room door. He is using that criticism as extra motivation for Sunday’s game against Seattle.

“I feel young again. Dare I say, I feel young?” Carter said.

The Seahawks have been leaning on Jones this season since their passing game sucks red hot asshole. He’s having a decent season so far with 417 yards in five games. But, then again, so were Michael Turner, DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart, Matt Forte…

GALLOWAY 50/50 FOR SEAHAWKS: Man, I’ve got mixed feelings about this. Jon Gruden is saying that Joey Galloway is 50/50 for the Seattle game. I really like having Galloway in there to stretch the field, but he’ll be a liability if he’s not 100%. He’s brittle enough when he’s feeling good. If he’s out there hobbling around like he did against the Giants last year, no one on the Seattle defense will respect him and the middle of the field will get crowded fast. This may be just so Seattle has to plan for him being in there. I’m betting that’s the case because Joey just isn’t a fast healer. It’s more likely that Gruden will hold him out again and get him ready for Dallas.

NOTHING NEWSWORTHY EVER HAPPENS IN SEATTLE: The Seattle Times continues to run lengthy pieces on a player who hasn’t been with them for several years now. Though the latest article on Jerramy Stevens isn’t quite as scathing as the one that changed his life a few months ago, it’s still weak and one-sided even though it pretends to be balanced. It recounts all of Stevens’s legal troubles, including the one that was never actually a legal matter, and then gets quotes from Steve Duemig, the number one Stevens hater in the Tampa Bay area.

“Outrage, backlash, hostility, all of those adjectives,” said Steve Duemig, an afternoon drive-time host on WDAE, a sports-radio station in Tampa, Fla.

“I’m all for second chances,” Duemig said. “My reaction was to the allegations of the rape charges.”

Yeah, it must have been the rape allegations since being upset by the DUI would make Duemig a big fucking hypocrite. Drunk.

But if he wants to talk about allegations, here we go. Steve Duemig raped me. Yep. He was leaving Mons Venus pissed off because he had spent two grand over three hours and still couldn’t get one of those skanks to blow him. I was just pulling into the parking lot and getting out of my car. He looked at me with my Volunteers shirt on and decided he was going to take out his frustrations and explore his obvious closeted gayness at the same time. He hit me over the head with his empty Fleischmann’s bottle (because he’s too cheap to buy good vodka) and I woke up an hour later sore and reeking of Obsession and a failed golf career. There. Now he’s just as guilty as Jerramy Stevens of rape. Because I said so.