Playing The Games Is Just A Waste Of Time Anyway

May 11, 2009 at 02:30pm by Scott   •  1 Comment »

It’s been a while since we last checked in with Peter King, but when it comes to glossing over details and nuance in favor of broad generalizations and reflections on coffee stands passed, he really has no equal. Today in his Monday Morning QB section (a title which has little meaning in the offseason), King gives us his version of power rankings. Now you’d think a mere two weeks from the draft in a league that values parity that it would be nearly impossible to grade how good teams are with any sort of accuracy. And you’d be right! But that doesn’t stop King.

It’s still 11 weeks before most teams enter training camp, but the personnel hay is in the barn for almost every team. Maybe Anquan Boldin gets dealt; maybe Brett Favre comes back (more on him in 10 Things). But there won’t be much major roster-tweaking before the camp begins.

I’ve got to hand it to King. Most guys who do this kind of shit will preface it with a weak, “I know you can’t really do these things so early in the season, but here’s my stab at it anyway.” Not King. He barely sees any reason to play the games at all. Nothing at all will change between now and the Super Bowl, so we might as well just hand the Patriots their Lombardi trophy and we can all get back to comparing hotel towel thicknesses in national publications.

Just like he did last year, King ranks New England as #1. No, really, it’s true. I know, you could have knocked me over with a feather, too. How does he come to this startling conclusion?

You’ll find one very predictable thing in common with every top team in my annual Tick Off Half The Football Fans In America Post-Free-Agency, Post-Draft NFL Power Rankings: quarterbacks. The best teams have ‘em. The worst teams don’t, at least not that we can see yet. Look at the top dozen teams. Every one has a quarterback you wouldn’t be shocked to see playing deep into the playoffs this year.

No, see, it doesn’t work that way. It’s not that I wouldn’t be surprised to see Eli Manning or Kerry Collins in the postseason this year because they’re such awesome quarterbacks. It’s because I think their defenses will carry them into the playoffs. As long as the quarterback is on the right side of average, he’ll still be the starter for a good team even if he’s just a game manager. Jackass.

Of course, the Buccaneers don’t warrant much of his attention. He barely has time to spit out three sentences on them and their #26 ranking. Here’s the first two:

Rebuilding year. Big-time.

You heard it here first. Peter King is ripping off Martin Fennelly. Just throw your computers away now and start storing canned corn and bottled water.

Whether Byron Leftwich wins the quarterback job, which I expect him to do and then keep the QB seat warm for Josh Freeman ’til 2010, this is a team more focused on next year than this one.

I realize he is focusing on the quarterbacks, but you know the Bucs did franchise Antonio Bryant and trade for Kellen Winslow. Remember Derrick Ward? They have him, too. The offensive line is one of the best in football. If the quarterback is even halfway decent, you won’t be able to dismiss Tampa Bay so quickly.

And no mention of Luke McCown, probably the best quarterback on the team. It’s either Freeman or Leftwich. I realize Freeman is the future and you don’t trade up to draft a quarterback in the first round to sit him, but I expect McCown to impose his will on the competition. If it’s a fair fight, McCown should win walking away. We’ll see, but King leaving him out of his “analysis” just shows that he’s not paying attention. Wouldn’t he be just so much happier as a Patriot beat reporter? But then I guess he wouldn’t be able to get away with reporting on how Favre picks his nose and cuts his lawn just like the rest of us.