Rush Dropped From St. Louis Investment Group

October 15, 2009 at 12:03pm by Scott   •  6 Comments »

After a couple weeks of controversy, it appears that Rush has been removed from the list of investors that are seeking to purchase the St. Louis Rams. The Canadian power trio formed in 1968 were shocked and dismayed by the news.

“The fact that we were considered too controversial to be owners of an NFL team is preposterous,” said lead singer and bassist Geddy Lee. “We’re Canadian for chrissakes. The most controversial thing we do up here is cut round pieces of ham and call it bacon. I hardly think that’s a reason to get all up in arms. Oor loonies are as good as anyone’s!”

Guitarist Alex Lifeson thinks that it is precisely because of their Canadian roots that they are being discriminated against.

“Oh sure, it’s all aboot revenge. This is the United States’ way of getting Canada back for Bryan Adams and Keanu Reeves and Céline Dion. They’re not oor fault, though. Rush is not responsible for all of Canada’s crappy talent going sooth of the border. Don’t you think that if I had a time machine I would go back and drown Paul Shaffer as an infant? If coorse I woold. I hate having that on my conscience as a Canadian. But what can ya do? When we sent you Pam Anderson, she was a cute little blonde from Vancouver. You should have taken better care of her.”

Although they took the news hard at first, the band seems to be getting over rather quickly the fact that they have been dropped from the purchasing group.

“Meh, it’s not like it’s hockey or baseball or some important sport,” said Lee, who stopped three times during that sentence to check his fantasy baseball standings. “We have other things to do with our money, you know. We’re thinking of sponsoring a national curling team and calling it ‘Broom’s Bane’. Get it? From the live album? No? Ah, fuck off.”

When reached for comment, drummer Neil Peart gave his standard response for non-drumming publications. “If you don’t get that microphone out of my face in three seconds, I’m going to make it a necessary part of your intestinal tract.”

Rush is currently recording their 20th studio album, tentatively titled “Two Hours Of Drum Solos”.