Do Not Hire This Graphic Designer

November 11, 2009 at 12:03pm by Scott   •  3 Comments »

Ken Carbone from Fast Company thinks taking a team’s logo and slapping it on the helmet is far too bland and can’t be distinguished from a distance or even on television.

Among the weakest designs are the Washington Redskins and Tampa Bay Buccaneers , whose visually complicated logos become a graphic mess when televised and, I imagine, even if you’re sitting on the fifty-yard line.

Yes, because when I’m watching a Bucs game on TV, I’m constantly thinking “Gosh, those logos on their helmets are so busy! What are they supposed to be? I can’t tell even though the logo is on thousands of other things around the stadium and I’m wearing a shirt with that very logo on it.” And then I put the back of my hand to my forehead and faint like Helen Lovejoy.

But fear not, for our heroic author took time out of his day to design a solution. Are you ready? Are you sure? Straight from your Pop Warner storage shed….

I amplified the “Jolly Roger” feature of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers helmet to make it more telegenic while retaining the overall team color scheme.

Jesus Christ, that’s awful. It looks like a 10-year old’s homemade Halloween costume. “Oooooooh, I’m the scaaaaary football player!” I’ve loved the flag design on the helmet since it debuted and it never once occurred to me that it was too “visually complicated”. It’s not like there’s an Escher piece on them. It’s a fucking flag with a skull and swords. And if you think I’m wrong, I offer exhibit B: his concept for the New England Patriots’ helmet.

A team as legendary as the New England Patriots deserves a more celebratory helmet. Here I totally disregarded the existing design and offered a strong, boldly colored alternative that would look triumphant in the end zone.

A team as legendary as the New England Patriots deserves a helmet that doesn’t make everyone nostalgic for the World Football League. This is absolutely hideous. And on Veteran’s Day, too. Betsy Ross‘s ghost is going to come out and kick this dude’s ass for turning her flag into this abortion. Seriously, can you see Randy Moss putting this on without having to smoke, like, six extra joints before the game?

As for simplicity, I guess the Cleveland Browns score highest. They use no logo at all but why do the Browns have orange helmets?

First of all, the Browns are named after Paul Brown, not the color brown. And second, brown is the color of shit, you moron. No team has brown helmets because it would look like big lumps of shit on players’ heads. But now that I think about it, so would his designs for the Bucs and Patriots.