You Just Couldn’t Keep Your Mouth Shut, Could You?

June 11, 2010 at 01:35pm by Scott   •  5 Comments »

I was just going to let this whole Southern Cal sanctions thing pass by with a douchebag smile on my face and a Shooter McGavin to Lane Kiffin, knowing that his employment there probably led to the NCAA handing down a harsher punishment than they would have otherwise and that his dream job that he abandoned Tennessee for has become significantly less dreamy. But then delusional and obviously drunk Mike Garrett had to start spouting off and getting me all aggravated again.

“As I read the decision by the NCAA, all I could get out of all of this was … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy, and they wish they all were Trojans,” Garrett said to cheers Thursday night at the San Francisco Airport Marriott.

See, that’s the kind of ridiculous shit I might say on here when I’m being intentionally obnoxious or I’m trying to piss off some Gator fans. But as a Tennessee alumnus and a fan with no official school position, that’s fine. I can be a boisterous bastard. Garrett, a Southern Cal alumnus and fan, is also their athletic director, making this kind of childish remark an official school position. Southern Cal thinks the NCAA is sooooo jealous of them and really just wants to be them. Garrett sounds like the ugly kid that wasn’t invited to the prom.

I was pissed when Kiffin left Tennessee and by the manner in which it happened, but it’s for the best. Kiffin was at Southern Cal when all those violations happened and he had already racked up a few secondary violations in his one year at Tennessee. A couple more seasons and the NCAA would have torn down Neyland Stadium. And Kiffin definitely found his true home because he and Garrett were absolutely made for each other.

“Regardless of what happens in that appeal, we know this: SC is more powerful than anything else,” Kiffin said. “The university, the football program, the basketball program — no matter what they try to do to us, it won’t matter.”

YES! YES! Please keep poking the bear, Lane. It’s one thing to taunt Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer. Spurrier has heard it all before and Meyer can always fake a heart attack and take some medical leave. But the NCAA? They don’t forget. Between Kiffin saying that nothing the NCAA does to them matters and Garrett telling them they all secretly want to be Trojans, these two years of bowl ineligibility will be nothing compared to the lifetime of deep scrutiny they’ve earned with their hubris.

“We’re fighters,” Garrett said. “As I told my staff, I said, ‘You know, I feel invigorated by all this stuff.’”

Everything is great! It only makes us stronger! We’ve learned nothing!

“We can’t control people 24 hours a day,” men’s basketball coach Kevin O’Neill said. “That’s all there is to it. You cannot control people from the outside. You cannot control agents. You cannot control runners. Those kinds of things get away from you sometimes because you have no way of knowing. I do know this: We do the right thing every single day by the university, by the athletic department, by the student-athletes.”

Hey, here’s something you can control.

[Former men's basketball coach] Floyd, who is coaching at UTEP, quit last June, after he was accused of giving $1,000 in cash to Rodney Guillory who helped steer Mayo to USC.

I’m pretty sure paying people to influence athletes to attend your school is against the rules, and can be controlled. You can also control who is present at your practices and whether your athletes properly document their vehicles. I’m sure it’s tough to keep everything in check and make sure their staff and players are all maintaining their integrity. And maybe the NCAA would have taken that into consideration if Southern Cal hadn’t waved its dick in their faces last year.

USC believes the [NCAA] has pursued these weak institutional allegations in football because it recognizes that without a direct institutional link, the allegations surrounding Student-Athlete I involve only amateurism issues with no institutional violation. After 3 1/2 years of intensive public and media scrutiny, including repeated public questions as to why USC football has not yet been “brought to justice” by the NCAA, the pressure to accuse USC of having had actual knowledge of and a direct connection to the alleged impermissible benefits is very real.

So, to recap, the NCAA is a bunch of jealous, Trojan wannabes who are sucking off the media and the fans, but none of that matters because Southern Cal is untouchable. They really should offer a course called Making Friends 101 because they obviously have significant expertise in that area.

Well, I’ve spent considerably longer on this than I intended to. All the history and connections between people really turns into a rabbit hole; I probably could have gone on with this all day. In the end, though, Southern Cal as an institution isn’t really on my radar and I have nothing against it. I even know some lovely people that went to there and are big fans, so I wouldn’t want any of the above to be an implied disparagement of them. I actually just wanted to see Lane’s recruiting efforts hurt and his reputation suffer. And being bowl ineligible won’t hurt his program all that much. Do kids go to Southern Cal so they can play in the Rose Bowl, or do they go so they can attend a high-profile school with a long history of sending guys to the NFL? I’m guessing the latter. But it will still sting, and the loss of scholarships will hurt, too. He’s going to have some rebuilding to do. It’s actually got a nice karmic balance to it. Kiffin’s departure from Tennessee has crippled the Vols and it will take Derek Dooley a while to build his program at UT and his own reputation in the SEC. By the time the 2012 season rolls around, both Southern Cal and Tennessee should be in roughly the same shape. It will be interesting to see who wins the first bowl game. Of course, by then Lane’s mouth will have pissed off the wrong dude at the NCAA and Lane will be reduced to recruiting out of prison leagues. I’m telling you, the hair never lies.

Dante Wesley Can Cheap Shot The NFC North Now

April 05, 2010 at 01:38pm by Scott   •  1 Comment »

It took a second to realize why I involuntarily cringed when I read the name Dante Wesley and that he was about to sign with Detroit. Then it hit me. /rimshot

At least he’s with the Lions now, which is as close as you can to get being out of the league while still drawing a check.

Bucs To Meet With Spikes, Wear Protective Goggles

March 10, 2010 at 10:42am by Scott   •  2 Comments »

According to PFT, the Buccaneers are scheduled to have a meeting with The Gouger, whose birth name is Brandon Spikes, ex-Florida linebacker.

Spikes has the size and instincts to make an ideal fit inside a 3-4 defense, but there are concerns about his top-end speed. On a 4-3 defense, he could play in the middle and some teams may look at him as a strong-side linebacker.

Rolando McClain (Alabama) is pretty much the consensus top inside linebacker, and then there are two or three others, including Spikes, that are in that #2 slot. Pat Angerer (Iowa) is also climbing draft boards and may be in the conversation as well. The Bucs obviously don’t have a hell of a lot of confidence in Barrett Ruud and may very well be in the market for a new franchise middle linebacker. Spikes will probably still be around at the top of the second round where the Bucs could take him with the #35 slot. And if we’re all being honest here, I’d prefer the Bucs just use that slot to draft the corpse of Tiny Tim and prop him up at the 50-yard line at home games as a 30-minute loop of “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” plays over the loudspeakers in place of the national anthem instead of taking Spikes. Do we really need shit like this in Tampa?

And it’s not just the eye gouge — I don’t like the guy. He’s a good player and all, but he’s going to be trouble. I get the same vibe from him that I got from Aqib Talib a few years back. Good, athletic player, but he’ll probably get arrested at some point. Talib’s on the team now and I just have to live with it, but they really don’t need yet another thug. There are plenty of good athletes out there that are also high-character people. As far as I know, Spikes has never had any other troubles at Florida than the above incident, so this is totally a “feel” thing, but I really think this guy is going to eventually be a huge headache for whoever drafts him. Gator readers, post evidence proving otherwise if you have some.

Them Panther Uniforms Are Purty

March 03, 2010 at 09:42am by Scott   •  3 Comments »

You know, the NFL really is a better place with Michael Vick. Not because he’s an exciting football player or a compelling story, but because he is so motherfucking dumb that the shit that flies out of his mouth is more entertaining than anything else on TV right now. Vick, a player currently under contract with the Philadelphia Eagles, was asked where he would like to play next season.

Responding to a question over the weekend on the Atlanta radio program “Gangsta Grillz,” Vick revealed where he’d most like to play in the NFL: “If I could play for any team in the league, it would probably be two teams, but if I had to pick one, it would probably be the Carolina Panthers.”

And here’s why: “It’s close to home. I like the uniforms. You get to play against Atlanta twice a year,” said Vick. “Ain’t nothing better than playing against your former team, right? So, yeah, that would be a good look.”

Keep in mind that it is widely expected that the Eagles are going to pay Vick $1.5-million to retain his rights. There are rumors that the Eagles will then trade him on draft day, but there are also rumors out there about Donovan McNabb and Kevin Kolb being traded, so no one really knows what the hell is going on in Philadelphia. So, number one, wouldn’t the smart thing be to at least mention the Eagles as a possibility, saying how much he likes the city and the team or whatever? I mean, they are paying him a bunch of cash to be able to say that he works for them.

And number two… “I like the uniforms.”? No mention of wanting to be able to compete for a starting job or to find a team that is competitive for a Super Bowl or even an offensive-minded head coach that can use him creatively. The uniforms. You know you’re done when your method for picking an employer is the same as a dumb chick’s method for voting for president. “Ooh, I really like his tie!” It’s the same thing.

And “Gangsta Grillz”? Really? That sounds like a burger joint where you don’t actually get a burger, but instead they rob you and then throw you out the service entrance. Or, as I call it, my mother-in-law’s house.

Warren Sapp Got Chokey

February 06, 2010 at 09:49pm by Scott   •  No Comments »

Warren Sapp was arrested today for misdemeanor domestic violence in an incident in Miami with his girlfriend.

The victim, who was not named, told police that Sapp came into the room hours later and “then started arguing with her in ref. to some guys that she was hanging out with earlier.”

According to her statement to police, Sapp then “grabbed the victims phone and questioned her about guys that she had listed on her phone. The argument again became heated and the def. picked [her] up by the shirt and neck and then threw her back down. [The victim] landed on her leg and she felt a sharp pain.”

The entire affidavit is here and it’s juicier than the TV report, including Sapp texting “You whore” to his girlfriend after he pushed her out of the hotel room. He literally added insult to injury. Sapp went to the police station and turned himself in, probably because he knew they’d just come and get him anyway. The NFL Network has already pulled him off the air. I’d pay Jamie Dukes $100 to punch him in the mouth right now.

So, choking your girlfriend is a misdemeanor? What exactly does one have to do make it a felony? Sapp probably could have run her over with his car and just been given a ticket for an illegal lane change.

Olson Met With Lane Kiffin?

February 02, 2010 at 03:49pm by Scott   •  No Comments »

Second-hand information, but worth repeating here.

Tampa Bay source told me OC Greg Olson met with Kiffin about becoming USC OC, but Olson isn’t leaving the Bucs. He has 2-year deal in Tampa.

Oh yeah, that would have been fun. The third offensive coordinator for Josh Freeman to work with in under a year. Why don’t we just try to make him throw left-handed while we’re at it?

The tweet doesn’t indicate why Olson didn’t take the job, but it’s to his credit that he’s hanging around Tampa Bay. The Bucs are one of the jokes of the NFL right now, so he could have pretty easily justified leaving for one of the higher-profile college jobs out there. But he shook Lane Kiffin‘s hand and looked into his eyes and realized that he’d have to work with this soulless dicknail, so he bailed. All the gutted puppy carcasses in Lane’s office probably also had something to do with it.

Vick: “Whether I’m In Philly Or Tampa Bay…”

January 22, 2010 at 09:41am by Scott   •  No Comments »

The AP published what is essentially a commercial for Michael Vick‘s upcoming ten episode reality show where he goes back and revisits his old crimes and talks about all the bad shit he’s done and how much he’s changed blah blah blah. Supposedly he comes off as sincere and remorseful, but I still suspect that’s more the effect of losing his $130-million lottery ticket as opposed to actually learning lessons and feeling empathy.

Which is why when I saw that the words “Tampa Bay” came out of his mouth in the piece, I peed just a little.

“I’m excited about everything,” Vick said. “Whether I’m in Philly or Tampa Bay, it wouldn’t even matter.”

I think he’s just using Tampa Bay as an example of a crappy team that he wouldn’t mind being a part of. And why would he mind? He spent 18 months in Leavenworth for electrocuting and drowning dogs. He should just be happy his skin isn’t gracing the PETA headquarters lobby as a throwrug, let alone that he has options of where to continue to make his millions.

The last thing Josh Freeman needs is Vick looking over his shoulder. When you think of “veteran mentor”, Michael Vick’s name should come up about as often as “camera shy” does when you think of Brett Favre. So I don’t think there’s any danger of Vick actually coming to Tampa. But there should be some kind of gag order that prohibits Vick from even associating himself with the Bucs in any way. He shouldn’t even be able to watch the movie “Uncle Buck”.

Keyshawn Wanted His Super Bowl In NY

January 21, 2010 at 09:43am by Scott   •  7 Comments »

While doing an interview about the possibility of the Jets going to the Super Bowl this year, Keyshawn Johnson let it slip that he would have preferred that his own ring have been earned as a Jet, not as a Buc.

Johnson told writer Dave Hutchinson that he wanted his championship to come in New York, not in Tampa Bay. Johnson was a key player on the 1998 Jets team that lost to the Broncos in the AFC Championship, 23-10, after leading 10-0 in the third quarter.

“(Eleven) years later, I still have a sour taste in my mouth,” Johnson told The Star-Ledger. “I still get sick at times thinking about what if. I love the fact that I have a ring, but I just feel it would’ve been sweeter if I haven gotten one in ’98 with the Jets. You know, it’s New York, the media, a franchise that was desperate to get to the Super Bowl.”

Yeah, because New York was really hurting for a championship team. Three Super Bowls, two NBA championships, four Stanley Cups, 27 Word Series — WAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Tampa hadn’t won shit unless you count the Tampa Bay Storm’s string of championships in the 90s or the award I won for staring at chicks on Clearwater Beach while subtly rubbing myself. Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn’t so much an “award” as a “warrant”. But it had my name on it, so I count it.

I Don’t Even Have The Words Right Now

January 12, 2010 at 11:00pm by Scott   •  10 Comments »

This will have to wait until morning.

John Romano: Still A Douche

August 19, 2009 at 10:42am by Scott   •  2 Comments »

Just a quick note to remind you that John Romano of the Times is a ballsack. While discussing the ramifications of Tanard Jackson‘s suspension, Romano lists some areas that are affected.

Still, Jackson’s contrition does not lessen the impact of his banishment on everyone else. It puts new defensive coordinator Jim Bates in a bind. It means Jermaine Phillips‘ carefully orchestrated switch to linebacker may be in peril. It increases the pressure on Sabby Piscitelli at strong safety. And it casts another shadow on Raheem Morris‘ feel-good training camp.

Somewhere, a Chucky doll is grinning.

See what he did there? Seven months removed from the job and Romano still can’t stop digging into Jon Gruden. That little sentence he uses as a throwaway implies that Gruden is deriving some kind of pleasure from Morris being put in a bind over the suspension. Gruden has never given any indication that he holds a grudge against the Bucs or against Morris personally, let here goes Romano with his fucking hate speech. In fact, Gruden said exactly the opposite just a couple weeks after he got canned.

Q: Will you pull for the Bucs now?

A: “I’ll be the biggest Bucs fan out there this year. And I’ll be there; I’ll be at the games. I’ll root for Raheem. I love Raheem. I hired Raheem — twice. I have a lot of confidence he can do the job and wish him the best.”

Of course, he can’t be at the games now. He has a Monday night job that will take him away from Tampa on Sundays, but that’s not the point. Gruden is not bitter. He has a new job PLUS $5-million per year from the Glazers. He both drafted Jackson and hired Morris and I’m sure he’s genuinely concerned for both of them. Everyone I know that has met Gruden comes away with the same impression: he’s a really nice guy, if a little high-strung. The only ones who don’t say that? Players he fired and media people he wasn’t forthright with. Ooh, big fucking surprise there. I’m telling you, no one would miss John Romano if he fell into a volcano.