REAR ENTRIES: Super Bowl Edition

February 08, 2010 at 10:45am by Scott   •  4 Comments »

CURSE LIFTED: The trend had been that if your team lost to the Buccaneers, you weren’t going to win the Super Bowl. It was statistically insignificant, but it gave sportscasters something to say when the Bucs beat some powerhouse team, not that that had been an issue lately. But it became one when the Bucs beat the Saints in week 16 of this year after Garrett Hartley (who, right this very minute, is plowing a girl he doesn’t love) missed a gimme 37-yard field goal at the end of regulation. So now without this or the cold weather curse or the kickoff return thing, what are brain dead analysts going to talk about when they cover Bucs games? Won’t someone please think of the analysts?!?

DUNGY SHOULD STICK TO VISITING PRISONS: Though I was rooting for the Colts, I didn’t want to predict their victory because I knew the Saints had a good team and wasn’t sure how the Colts’ defensive line would hold up if the Saints went on a couple long drives. And I’m a guy who shoots his mouth off and any opportunity. Tony Dungy, on the other hand, is well-known for being reserved and politically correct (except toward the queers) and he went on the record a couple days ago with relative bombast.

“I think they’re going to be so far ahead that people are going to say, ‘Oh, ho-hum, he played a good game, they won by two scores, the Colts won their second championship,’ ” Dungy said of Manning on Thursday. “He’s going to have those rings Sunday night. I don’t think it’s going to be close.”

He didn’t count on Peyton‘s receivers dropping critical passes, Peyton making a poor decision on his interception, and Sean Payton having GIANT BUFFALO BALLS when it came to playcalling and taking chances. I applaud Dungy having the fortitude to make a call instead of just saying it would be a good game, but “I don’t think it’s going to be close” is bulletin board material for the Saints. As a Colts fan, he should have kept his yap shut.

WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN: I don’t have a link for this. I was just thinking back to the 2006 season when Drew Brees was allowed to walk away from the Chargers because they didn’t think his shoulder would heal and they had drafted Philip Rivers anyway. Jon Gruden, who gushed over Brees that year at every opportunity, very likely would have given one of his children for the Glazers to make Brees an offer to come to Tampa, but it never happened. Instead, the Saints got Brees and the Bucs played that year with Chris Simms, Bruce Gradkowski and Tim Rattay.

/sad slide-whistle sound

Hedging Bets Against A Boring Super Bowl

February 04, 2010 at 02:59pm by Scott   •  1 Comment »

It’s nice to have a horse in the race for the Super Bowl this year. I don’t particularly care about the Colts or the Saints one way or the other, but my Volunteer connection with Peyton Manning makes this one an easy rooting interest for me. But if you’re like I was last year and give precisely zero shits as to who wins and loses, you wind up thinking like a sportscaster who’s just hoping for a good game. And that’s for pussies. So you can either drink beer until the game becomes more appealing (which is how you got married), or you can place a bet and root for your money.

It’s pretty easy to look up the Super Bowl odds and place your bet on who’s going to win or lose, the point spread, the over/under, etc. And that’s all well and good, but if the game turns into a runaway, you’ve stopped caring by the middle of the third quarter. That’s why you make the ridiculous bets that have nothing to do with football. Did you know you can bet on what color the winning coach’s Gatorade bath will be? (the line on blue and red is +1,000) Or how long the National Anthem will take to sing? (the over/under is 1m 41s) Or how many windmills Pete Townshend will do during the halftime set? (the over/under is 5.5 windmills — the .5 is there because he’s old and his arthritis will kick in before he can complete the sixth one) Imagine being interested in a Super Bowl halftime show that doesn’t involve the Lingerie Football League.

Although, now that I think about it, I just said that I’m looking for reasons to watch an old man who is a registered sex offender instead of almost naked hot chicks mixing it up on a football field. I wonder if I can place a bet on whether I’ll ever leave my mother’s basement.