Are you kidding me? Cadillac Williams, whose nickname spawned an endless deluge of automobile puns in the local newspapers, is on injured reserve. But the Tampa media already had all these clever twists-of-phrase about cars done ahead of time. They can't not use them, can they?

Michael Bennett hopped into his rental car Wednesday morning eager to begin work with his new team. But upon leaving the hotel at Tampa International Airport, he took a wrong turn.

If the new running back can navigate his way through the Bucs playbook, his career could also make a welcome U-turn.

Is it required now that news articles contain at least one nonsensical pun? If so, let's give the car jokes a rest for a while, ok? I'll try to help.

• There's a bald guy on the team whose name is Barber.
• Sammy Davis was also the name of a popular entertainer. That Sammy Davis had a glass eye.
• They have a hard-hitting middle linebacker whose name is pronounced "rude".
• They have another middle linebacker who has bad knees. His name is Trotter. It could work with the right setup.
• How about a fullback named Askew? It will be perfect if he gets some kind of joint injury.

Those are free for the taking. I don't even want any credit for them (please... no credit whatsoever.) Just stop with the car puns, please. Won't you please stop the madness?!? You're crushing our souls out here.