So I guess Keyshawn Johnson had to go and flap his gums about how his boy Bill Parcells is not getting enough credit for the Cowboys' season this year. Terrell Owens made some comment somewhere how things are better now for him with Wade Phillips than they were under Parcells, and under Johnson's contract with Parcells, he has to remove his mouth from Bill's balls long enough to defend him on ESPN.

While discussing Owens and the Cowboys, Johnson keeps comparing it to his days with the Buccaneers and how, in his words, Tony Dungy built everything up and didn't get enough credit when Jon Gruden won the Super Bowl. It's the same argument trolls on Bucs message boards bring up whenever things start to get a little boring. "Gruden won with Dungy's players!" It's so fucking predictable and lame. The next asshole to make that ridiculous assertion needs to be raped with a monkey wrench to send a message to the others. Hey, wait... I guess Keyshawn is that asshole. I wonder if I can bring my toolbox on carry-on to Bristol.

To his credit, Owens does a fine job defending his point. He even did some research into Johnson's career.

"Here's a guy, writes the book, 'Give Me the Damn Ball,' and he has 106 catches and one touchdown, and that was off a tipped pass. I'll never do that in my career. He can hate all he wants to."

Zing! Now that's paying attention. Owens is a little off the mark with some of his insults, though.

He won a Super Bowl and all, but you'd have to check the roster to know he was even on the team.

Well, that game specifically Johnson did catch six passes for 69 yards and he did have over 1,000 yards receiving on the year. As annoying as Keyshawn can get, no one can deny his importance to the team during those years. Now here's the closer:

"My thing is, we came out the same year," Owens said. "He was a first-rounder. I was a third-rounder. I'm still playing. He's not. You compare our stats up until the time he retired, and it's a no-brainer. He can hate all he wants to. Compare the stats, they don't lie."

I don't know if it's because Owens plays so much faster than Keyshawn or if it's because he acts like such a child most of the time, but I never think of Owens as being that old. But it's true, they were both drafted in 1996. They have roughly the same number of yards through last year, but Owens has 50 (!) more touchdowns than Johnson. They both have great hands. Owens is a bigger scoring threat and Johnson is better across the middle. Owens is faster but Johnson will willingly run-block and is definitely a more rounded player. Johnson will be subversive and kill you from within your own locker room, Owens will take his complaints to the media and do crunches in his driveway for some reason. Having to pick one of them to be on your team is like choosing between drowning in a pool of chocolate pudding or death by snu-snu.

Wait, have I really spent this long talking about these prima donnas? Jeez, there's 15 minutes I'm never getting back.