Five Things You Didn't Know About The 49ers

1. Michael L. Lewis, also known as the "Beer Man", is 5 foot 7, 173 pounds, did not attend college and walked on to the New Orleans Saints team as a kick returner from his job as a beer truck driver at age 29. I only include this tidbit to give hope to any undersized, non-college-educated guys who are sick of their jobs.
2. Michael M. Lewis, who came to the 49ers from the Eagles last year, is pissed he doesn't have as good a story. He will also not answer to "Beer Man".
3. Nate Clements signed an 8-year, $80 million deal with the 49ers in the offseason. His guaranteed money is $22.6 million. Clements currently has 3 INTs, putting them at just over $7.5 million per interception.
4. Chris Weinke was the starting quarterback as a 29-year old rookie during the Panthers' 1-15 season. George Seifert has a voodoo doll of Weinke, but to date has only ripped the hair out of it.
5. Larry Allen is the two-time champ of the NFL's Strongest Man contest, benching 225 43 times in 2006 and 41 times in 2007. He once benched 700 pounds solo. In other news, I successfully carried a moderately heavy box up to the attic without severely injuring myself. Boo yah!

Shaun Hill got his first victory as a starter last week against the Bengals. And that's all well and good, but the Bengals pretty much suck this year, so it doesn't mean as much as it would have against a team that had even one healthy linebacker. The fact remains that the 49er offense is at the bottom of the league in just about every measurable category. Yards, points, turnovers, time of possession... all of them. The Buccaneer defense, on the other hand, is currently #3 overall. Hill may have completed 75% of his passes last week, but Mike Nolan knows the Bucs' pass defense is a little more challenging than Cincinnati's, so look for Frank Gore to get the ball early. If the Bucs can keep him from making any headway on first and second down, the 49ers will be lucky to gain 200 yards all day. I expect substitutions to start being made in the defense in the third quarter.

The 49er defense is exactly one person: Patrick Willis. I'm pretty sure other guys suit up on game day in red and gold and run around and stuff, but they are essentially inconsequential. Willis is a monster against the run and is fast enough to cover the deep crosses. I would think Sunday will be a day to throw early to put the game away and then run it out with Earnest Graham in the second half. The 49ers are susceptible to the deep ball, so with Nate Clements on Joey Galloway, I predict Ike Hilliard has another strong day. Bucs by 17.

Starting today, posts will be irregular through January 2. And I don't mean "irregular" like those cheap-ass jeans Macy's tries to pass off to you for $10 a pair. I mean irregular like infrequent. I guess I could have just said "infrequent" to begin with. Anyway, some days I'll post and some I won't, so let me take this time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I have received many very nice emails and comments over the last couple weeks and I am truly overwhelmed by the sentiments. Seriously, I really appreciate all of you taking time out of your days to read my profane ramblings and hooker jokes. I encourage all you lurkers out there to get involved and leave a comment or two in the new year. I mean, if you're going to loaf at your job like you are right now, might as well take the extra minute or two to insult an Eagles fan, right? Go Bucs!