The Falcons finally were able to find a head coaching candidate who satisfied their #1 requirement: he was willing to take the position. Yesterday the team announced that Jacksonville defensive coordinator Mike Smith would be the new head coach of the Atlanta Falcons. God, even his name is boring.

I really thought the Falcons would try to make a big splash with their head coaching hire and try to drag Marty Schottenheimer (14-2 last year with the Chargers) or Brian Billick (won a Super Bowl) to Atlanta. Not that unknown defensive coordinators can't make good head coaches. Not a lot of people knew who Tony Dungy was when the Buccaneers hired him in 1996, either. And Jacksonville has had a pretty consistently good defense since Smith has been there, never falling below #12 overall. But something about this hire just screams, "Doesn't anyone want this job?!?" His press conference is going to be nice and awkward. How do you pretend like this is a magical union of destiny when you are the fourth or fifth choice for the job?

Anyway, nothing personal against Smith, but I hope he fails spectacularly. I hope the Falcons are last in every statistical category and are riddled with even more off-the-field problems. Maybe we'll find out that DeAngelo Hall runs a midtown prostitution ring or maybe security cameras can catch Chris Redman stealing panties at the Fredrick's in Lenox. And then it can somehow all get blamed on Rich McKay. Sweeeeeet.