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April 30, 2008

Bucs Quarterbacks Are Being Talked About

People who write for other teams have noticed that the Bucs have six real quarterbacks and one imaginary one on their roster, and they are absolutely lusting for them. Well, maybe not lusting. More like, they think they'd be better than whatever mannequins they currently have as third stringers. For example, the Raiders need a backup...

Buccaneers' TBA: The Raiders are watching to see which of seven quarterbacks Tampa Bay releases before possibly making a move.

The Bears are could use some help...

I know the Tampa Bay Buccaneers currently own the rights to seven quarterbacks after taking San Diego's Josh Johnson in the fifth round, and one of them likely to get cut would look good holding a clipboard for the Bears. Chris Simms would be the preferred choice, but Luke McCown or Bruce Gradkowski would suffice so the Bears could let the winner of the Nick Hill-Caleb Hanie derby stay on the practice squad and run the scout team.

And some Cowboys fans think they've had just about enough of Brad Johnson and wouldn't mind bringing Simms back to Texas.

You would think the Bucs have to release one or three of these QBs at some point. Maybe he would be a good fit behind Johnson for now and a solid backup for Tony Romo in the future.

The author invites comments about Simms, and he gets them. Skim through them when you get a chance.

Dude I saw Chris Simms play at the University of Texas and let me tell you, this guy is the ultimate choke artist.

Simms stinks!!! He's a cry-baby and an average NFL quarterback on his best day. It would be best if he's just forgotten.

I wouldn't have any problem with signing Simms. We need a No. 3 quarterback.

Simms is a useless waste of space on the Cowboys roster. I'd rather have Major Applewhite, and he's not even in the league!!!

Let's keep Johnson for one more year and then grab Mike Vick next year!

I think you get the point. You'd think that the whole Applewhite/Simms thing would have been glossed over since Vince Young came along and won that Rose Bowl a couple years ago. Nope... still angry. Is there no legal way to give Texas back to Mexico?

Simms wants desperately to be a starter, but no one is talking about him like that's even a possibility. He might have a shot in Chicago; I honestly think he's better than anyone else they have on the roster. But Simms might have to start getting used to the idea that he is probably a career backup.

And since I've already posted a picture of Simms today, here's a Longhorn cheerleader in chaps with a smile on her ass. And some chick next to her who thinks we care about her teeth. NO TEETH! How many times do we have to say it?

Posted by Scott at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: bruce gradkowski, chris simms, josh johnson, luke mccown, major applewhite

The Winners Of The Bucstats.com Draft Contest

First, I want to again thank Bucgear.com for sponsoring this. Hey, everyone, do me a favor and just click that link there. Even if you are just looking around, if you click it, they'll know you got there from here. That way, when I hit them up for some more contest prizes later in the year, they won't accuse me of counting my imaginary friends as readers. Even though all my imaginary friends are hot alien chicks with three boobs and no vocal cords, except for Walter, who has tried to kill me on occasion.

There were a lot more entries this year than there were last year, and the guesses were better, too. There weren't that many zero scores. However, "david gore" blew everyone away with a top score of 105 points. He gets the $50 gift card. "Justin" came in second with 70 points and gets the $25 gift card. Congratulations, guys. I have already emailed both of you. You have two weeks from today to respond with your street addresses for me to mail the cards. If you don't, I'll move on to the next-highest point total (hey, it happened last year).

If you have any interest in how you did compared to the winners, send me a quick email and I'll let you know. Thanks again to everyone who entered.

Posted by Scott at 9:30 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: draft talk, obscure references

I Guess They Were Undrafted For A Reason

The Bucs are one of the few teams not stocking up on undrafted free agents immediately after the draft. Some teams have up to 17 free agent rookies on their rosters now, all eager to get used and abused for a month or two only to be discarded and never acknowledged again, kind of like that hooker I had tied up in my garage last year.

Part of the reason the Bucs didn't sign many undrafted guys is because there are no longer roster exemptions for NFL Europe players, so all teams now have a hard cap of 80 players they can take to camp, and the Bucs were very active in free agency in March and April. They currently have 77 players on their roster, with seven rookies and one restricted free agent (Jovan Haye) still unsigned, so anyone they add will necessitate someone else being cut in the very near future. That said, they did wind up signing two new players.

Carl Stewart, a fullback from Auburn and Jonathan Hefney, a free safety from Tennessee, were both signed to rookie free agent deals. Stewart didn't play much, but is a good, strong blocker with decent hands for catching the occasional pass or two. He's a good kid, but it's unlikely he'll make the team. Hefney is a physical safety with good tackling skills, but at barely 5-8 and 190, just doesn't have the frame to really threaten at the NFL level. He's a four-year starter with experience at both cornerback and safety and I saw him really lay some dudes out in Tennessee, so maybe he hangs on as a fifth safety who plays special teams? Stranger things have happened. Like when that hooker finally bit through those ropes and started... you know, I should probably stop now.

Posted by Scott at 8:51 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: carl stewart, jonathan hefney, jovan haye

The Bucs Shopped Gradkowski During The Draft

Most everyone, including me, thought Chris Simms would be the one who was moved over the draft weekend. The Bucs said they did field some calls for Simms, but no offer more than a sixth rounder ever materialized and, apparently, the Bucs think he's worth more than that.

Bruce Gradkowski, on the other hand, they were actively trying to find a new home for.

There's a chance, though, that the Bucs will hold onto Simms, possibly even through training camp. After all, they passed on several chances to trade him and Brian Griese during the draft, all while trying to peddle Bruce Gradkowski.

Here's the scenario: The Bucs are taking five quarterbacks to training camp; that much they've already said. Jeff Garcia, Griese, and Josh Johnson are locks and Jake Plummer isn't showing up. I'm going to assume that Luke McCown also makes the cut since he really has no trade value and he performed well enough last year to earn another look. That leaves two guys for one spot; someone is getting cut or traded before camp. Simms wants to be that guy, but the Bucs may feel that he is too valuable to release outright if no one is willing to trade for him right away. They couldn't get a decent sandwich for Gradkowski last weekend and he won't get any more valuable in the next two months. They may just release Gradkowski outright. And if that happens, Chris Simms's head will explode.

Simms could make a stink about it by not showing up to camp, but he's not so incredibly wealthy that he can comfortably take the $14,000 per day fine that staging that kind of protest would cost. Plus if he holds out, he's not about to show off that he's 100% healthy now and maybe stir up interest in himself to prompt a trade that the Bucs would accept. Meanwhile, Gradkowski at least gets to decide his own fate, as grim as the possibilities for him may be. Not a fun time to be Chris Simms right now.

Posted by Scott at 7:59 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: brian griese, bruce gradkowski, chris simms, jake plummer, jeff garcia, josh johnson, luke mccown

April 29, 2008

The Destruction Of A Legacy

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Gene Upshaw. He was The Raiders' first round draft pick in 1967 (#17 overall) and started at their left guard spot for 207 straight games. He took part in three Super Bowls, winning two, and was widely considered to be one of the best offensive linemen of the 1970s. The seven-time Pro Bowler was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1987.

It's because of his former greatness and dominance that it's so sad to have to introduce you to the tired, bitter, arrogant, loudmouthed, crazy shitbox that is the current Gene Upshaw.

The concept is simple: Rookie contracts are too high. They should be reduced for the first year of a player's NFL career and that money should be re-allocated to veterans who have been playing for a while. I mean, even an Alabama grad can follow the logic, right? Upshaw evidently cannot.

"If you have a rookie player who gets $10 million, $20 million, maybe even $30 million in guaranteed money, what do you think that means for a veteran player? That means he can ask for that or more," Upshaw said.

No, see, there is a limited pool of money. Not everyone can get big contracts. The salary cap wouldn't change.

"We're not willing to adjust our thinking right now because we're in a situation that we think works for all the players," Upshaw said.

Really? Because I find it hard to believe that Jake Long being the highest paid offensive lineman in the NFL sits well with, oh... every other offensive lineman in the NFL. A lot of them had great college careers, too, plus they've performed well at the next level. Long could be the next Orlando Pace or he could be the next Robert Gallery. No one knows. But Upshaw thinks he should be paid like the best of the best and let the Dolphins live with the consequences either way.

"What the teams want is for us to make them bulletproof from their own mistakes," Upshaw said. "I hear Bill Polian talking about how he's so worried about the cost of signing a No. 1 pick, but I don't hear him talk about how happy he is he took Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf. What teams need to do is spend more money on their scouting and player evaluation to make sure they don't make mistakes."

Holy Jesus Christ with a faux-hawk is this guy insane. First of all, no one is asking the rookies to work for free. The clubs would still have plenty of exposure with unproven rookies. I don't know what the limit would be for a single rookie year for the #1 pick. $5 million? Does that sound fair? One year, five million dollars guaranteed to see if you can play football at the NFL level. If you can, you get the big deal like you have been getting. If not, you get a lesser deal and all the other veterans on the team benefit from the difference.

Second, scouting is a year-round process that NFL teams invest millions in. They have scouts for all different parts of the country, some specializing in particular positions. They have thousands of contacts from coaches to teammates to teachers to family to friends that they call upon to make sure they know every single aspect of a college player's life. Sometimes every scout in the world agrees that a player will be great in the NFL only to lay a huge egg when they finally get to the big time. There are several every year. It is reasonable to want to pay someone at least partly based on proven production. In any other job on the earth you start working, prove your worth, and get raises. Maybe because you got the Harvard MBA, you start off at a pretty high level because of your potential. But you don't start off making more money than the CEO.

The Manning/Leaf argument makes absolutely no sense. Manning didn't have a great year as a rookie, so he may not have been paid as much as he was based on my formula, but he would have been retained and then been given his huge second contract like he was. In the meantime, the money he wasn't paid as a rookie would have gone to other players. This isn't advanced mathematics.

This stance shouldn't surprise any older veterans like Dave Pear who were injured playing the game and are just trying to get the union to take a small piece out of everyone's check to get their medical bills covered. Upshaw won't have any of that, either. But of course, he isn't living off of his NFL pension. He's making more than most of the players he represents as head of their union. It's sad, because I really respected Upshaw's attitude and his game when he was a player. But there's no way he's remembered as anything but a greedy and corrupt tool now, regardless of the efforts that got him into the Hall of Fame.

Posted by Scott at 2:45 PM | Comments (6)
Tags for this article: bill polian, dave pear, gene upshaw, jake long, orlando pace, peyton manning, robert gallery

Buccaneers Cheerleaders Get Makeovers

Before you all start typing with one hand, this is the best picture anyone has of the occasion.

This is Tonilynn Coker (or Toni Lynn Coker, depending on if you believe the Buccaneers or the Tribune) and the caption says that the stylist is putting the last touches on Coker's hair. For the record, she walked into the salon looking something like this:

Now, I'm not here to judge, but...

Wait, no. Actually, that's pretty much all I do here. I like the color, but the whole 1962 helmet thing has got to go. There's no way Sandy Charboneau let her leave with her hair like that. That's the same broad that made the salon stay open to 1:00 AM a couple years ago as she argued about the differences between light auburn and strawberry blonde. I'm quite sure she has no qualms about stabbing a lippy salon worker to death with a curling iron.

But, yeah, it's all a little disappointing. I kind of envisioned a mass cheerleader makeover having more lingerie and pillow fights. Or maybe I'm thinking of a slumber party. Yeah, that's it. A slumber party. They should have one of those next.

Posted by Scott at 9:41 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders, tonilynn coker

April 28, 2008

Kalvin Pearson Choked A Pregnant Chick

Say, here's a fun piece of non-draft news to hit over the weekend. Remember how I was kind of lamenting the fact that Bruce Allen chose not to match Detroit's offer sheet for Kalvin Pearson? Here's who I wanted to keep:

According to the arrest report, Pearson and the woman were sitting in a 2008 Chevrolet TrailBlazer at about 5 a.m. Saturday when he grabbed the woman by her hair and neck and began to choke her, "making it difficult for her to breathe." Police identified and took photos of "red marks and bruising all around her neck."

The victim was not identified in the report, which stated that she had a relationship with Pearson and was pregnant with his child.

Pearson was recently released on $50,000 bond. Every time I doubt a move Allen makes, something happens to totally prove to me that he is just about always right. I'm kind of afraid to openly doubt anything he does anymore. I don't want to be responsible for some broad getting pushed out of a moving vehicle because I said something negative about Geno Hayes.

Oh shit, that doesn't count, does it?

Posted by Scott at 12:29 PM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: douchebags, he's you're problem now, hello officer, kalvin pearson

Draft Summary

Here's my overall impression of this year's draft: Meh.

Bruce Allen went for athletic ability with the Aqib Talib pick. That's fine, and it's something you can't coach, but with a first round pick, you want the whole package. If anyone can turn him around, though, it's Raheem Morris. Still, Mike Jenkins (CB, South Florida) and Brandon Flowers (CB, Virginia Tech) were both still available.

Dexter Jackson was a good pick, he just needs to work onhis hands. I've read various opinions that the Bucs reached for him in the second round, but did you see how many wide receivers went in the second? It was a feeding frenzy on wide receivers. I don't think he would have lasted until the Bucs' third round pick. I only wish they would have taken more than one wide receiver.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around Jeremy Zuttah. The Bucs may want to use him as the ultimate swing man; the player who can backup any position on the line. Well, ok. But a career backup in the third round? The only real unsettled position on the line for a starter is left tackle, and there are two perfectly capable guys in competition for it. I would rather they took Mario Manningham (WR, Michigan), who I'm not a fan of, but at least it's a position that needs some work.

Dre Moore in the fourth round is a steal. Hell, they could have taken Moore in the third and then Tashard Choice (RB, Georgia Tech) instead of waiting until the seventh round for a running back. That would have been so much better.

Josh Johnson is the most intriguing pick. Another project quarterback, but he probably pushes Chris Simms and Bruce Gradkowski out of Tampa. Everyone pretty much knew Johnson was coming to the Bucs, it was just a matter of when. I think the fifth round is just about right.

Geno Hayes should probably have gone undrafted. He'll be camp meat and maybe wind up on the practice squad if he doesn't get arrested before August. Someone start a pool. If the Bucs just had to take a linebacker for some unknown reason, wouldn't Bo Ruud have been a more logical pick? Maybe there's someone on the team he could emulate?

Cory Boyd is more camp meat, but has some potential. Remember, Earnest Graham went undrafted, so it's certainly possible for a low-round running back like Boyd to make an impact sometime in the future. But I still would rather have seen the Choice pick earlier and then use this one on someone like Lionel Dotson (DT, Arizona).

So basically what I'm saying is that I could have done better. I know everybody says that, but they're all full of shit. Me, though... I'm serious. I totally would have nailed this draft hard. And it would have liked it.

I haven't had the chance to go through all the contest entries yet. I'll probably finish that tomorrow night and have the winner up on Wednesday. There were a lot of entries -- thanks to everyone who took a shot at it.

Posted by Scott at 9:05 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: aqib talib, bruce gradkowski, chris simms, cory boyd, dexter jackson, draft talk, dre moore, earnest graham, geno hayes, jeremy zuttah, josh johnson

So I Guess There Was A Seventh Round, Too

After nearly an entire weekend spent on this, I couldn't justify sitting around the TV or internet any longer and waiting for the Buccaneers to select a player that will spend a year on the practice squad with a pick they didn't have when this whole thing started in the first place. So I looked it up and sure enough, the draft went on without my supervision.

The Bucs took Cory Boyd (RB, South Carolina) in the seventh round using a pick they acquired when they moved up (or down...I forget) during one of the earlier rounds. Since Boyd played in the SEC, I know a little something about him. And that something is that he fumbles a lot. Part of the reason is that he's so hard to bring down that the ball stays live longer than it normally would with another runner. He's pretty much a straight-ahead runner and if he can learn to hold onto the ball, he could turn into a decent third down back.

Posted by Scott at 7:43 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: cory boyd, draft talk

April 27, 2008

Another Linebacker

The Bucs took Geno Hayes, a linebacker from Florida State, with their sixth round pick that they acquired along the way this weekend. At this point it doesn't matter very much, and as long as he can make a special teams contribution, that's fine. But Christ, the Bucs have a lot of linebackers.

The good news is that he was very productive in college and has very fast game speed. The bad news is that he was part of the Florida State cheating scandal last year and has also been arrested for assault on a police officer. Ahem.

If anyone can set this guy straight, it's Derrick Brooks, a fellow Florida State linebacker. Brooks won't hesitate to take Hayes under his wing and try to make a player out of him. If he can't do it, probably not much is lost.

Posted by Scott at 2:37 PM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: derrick brooks, draft talk, geno hayes

Josh Johnson Is A Buccaneer

The Bucs selected quarterback Josh Johnson from San Diego with their fifth rounder, no doubt sending many a fan into a frenzy. They were also able to trade down with the Patriots and acquire a seventh round pick and still get their man.

Jon Gruden had been eyeing Johnson for months now, mostly for his senior year where he threw for 43 touchdowns and 1 interception (and I saw that interception; it was deflected off of the tight end's chest and should have been a catch). I remember another quarterback from a small school that was highly touted for his accuracy and taken by the Bucs late in the draft: Bruce Gradkowski. I'm not convinced Johnson will be any better than Gradkowski, but I know Gradkowski isn't getting any better period, so it really doesn't matter. If Gruden sees something in Johnson that he can mold into a competent pro quarterback, he's got more than he has now.

I think two of the three quarterback spots are locked up with Jeff Garcia and Brian Griese. The battle for #3 will be very interesting this year.

Posted by Scott at 2:23 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: bruce gradkowski, draft talk, josh johnson

Bucs Select Dre Moore In Fourth Round

Dre Moore, a DT from Maryland, is the Bucs' fourth rounder. They traded up in the round for him, probably giving up one of their fifth rounders this year (I still don't know exactly what the terms were).

Moore was projected by some as a second rounder because of his raw talent. He is a penetrating defensive tackle in the mold of Warren Sapp. I'm not sure why he fell so far except that maybe he's a project. But his upside is enormous if he can be coached and improve his techniques. This could be the steal of the draft for the Bucs at a position they really need to improve in.

Posted by Scott at 11:41 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: draft talk, dre moore

Bucs Trade Up In The Fourth Round

Details to follow.

UPDATE: The Bucs gave up the fifth rounder they got from Jacksonville yesterday to move up in the fourth round. They also got the Bears' sixth rounder.

Posted by Scott at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: draft talk

Bucs Draft An O-Lineman In The Third

The Bucs used the #83 pick on Jeremy Zuttah, a tackle/guard from Rutgers. Depending on what you read, he projects just about anywhere on the offensive line, but most places have him listed as a guard, which is a position that the Bucs have pretty well covered. Are they planning on kicking Arron Sears out to tackle and moving Zuttah in at guard? Or will Zuttah compete with Donald Penn and Luke Petitgout for left tackle? They wouldn't use a third rounder for depth, would they?

Zuttah had one of the best combines of any offensive lineman and is said to have good hands and intangibles. But if this was the draft where the Bucs needed playmakers, I'm not sure I understand this one.

Posted by Scott at 11:00 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: draft talk, jeremy zuttah

April 26, 2008

Bucs Take Another Dexter Jackson

Bucs take Dexter Jackson from Appalachian State with their second rounder. Awesome, awesome pick. Explosive speed, tough, and has return ability, He doesn't have the same hands and consistency as DeSean Jackson, but he is a hard-worker. I'm not sure what his total upside is because of the level of competition he played against in college. I'm also a little concerned about his size, just like I was with DeSean. He played the spread in college and didn't face the same kind of bump-and-run and press coverage that he will in the pros. But he is a legitimate deep threat to take over for Joey Galloway once greybeard finally hangs it up and a guy who can return both kickoffs and punts.

Posted by Scott at 7:36 PM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: dexter jackson, draft talk

Bucs Trade Down In Second Round With Jacksonville

Tampa Bay moves down six spots in the second round. Still waiting to hear what else they get in return.

UPDATE: For switching spots, the Bucs got another fifth rounder this year and a 2009 seventh rounder.

Posted by Scott at 6:58 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: draft talk

Talib? Really?

Ok, I'm fine with a cornerback. I had that position listed as their #1 need. Fine. But Aqib Talib? When Mike Jenkins was still available? I'm pretty surprised. Talib seems to me like an underachiever with great talent. He's the kind of guy who, because of his inconsistency, can be a risk to be a huge bust. He also has the potential to be a Pro Bowler, but I don't think you take that kind of chance in the first round. Jenkins was more of the sure thing. Maybe he doesn't have the game-breaking ability that Talib has, but that doesn't matter if he won't use it.

Besides, Aqib's name has a "q" without a "u". What the hell is that all about?

Posted by Scott at 4:24 PM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: aqib talib, draft talk

April 25, 2008

Last Day To Enter The Contest

If you are planning on entering the Second Annual Bucstats.com Draft Contest (sponsored by Bucgear.com), you need to do it today. I'll accept entries until midnight EDT. After that time, direct all your contest entries to entries@youretoofuckinglate.com.

If you have already entered, thank you. Swing by Bucgear.com and start planning for what you're going to buy with your winnings. If you haven't, why are you being such a pussy? It's free and there are no strings attached. I promise not to keep your email address after it's over. You don't even have to get the players right to win -- the positions alone are worth points, too. In the time it took you to read this pointless bullshit, you could have entered. Do it.

Posted by Scott at 12:54 PM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: draft talk

The Lingerie Football League Isn't Just A Dream Anymore

I thought I was done for the day until I got a letter from a reader who tipped me off to this story about the Tampa Bay Breeze, which sounds like the name of a team in some kind of Lingerie Football League. Because it is.

Inside a cavernous warehouse in an office park west of Brandon, 40 candidates for a fledgling women's football league sweated out drills testing their speed, strength and endurance. They jumped, ran, pivoted and ran again.

I wonder how the ad read for this. "Looking for 20 hot women to be part of startup venture. Should be able to run fast and hit hard. Meet in warehouse on the outskirts of town. Dress in short shorts and half-shirts because you'll be sweating all day." Note to women: Any job where you interview in a warehouse will involve you getting naked and quite possibly some kind of medium-sized fruit.

But yeah, it's a real thing. You know that Lingerie Bowl they had as a pay per view alternative to whatever the Super Bowl halftime show was? This is that, but more of it. During the tryouts, they had draft-like events and everything. They had the vertical, the 40-yard dash and the broad jump, which is named for what the coach says to you when it's your turn. They had these in the ten different cities that will host LFL teams. The league will start playing in the fall, but the season will only be a couple months long since they want their championship to fall in line with the Super Bowl.

Then four of the 10 teams will be a part of Super Bowl weekend in Tampa. The night before the big game Feb. 1, 2009, The Tampa Bay Breeze will play the Miami Caliente and the Los Angeles Temptation will play the Phoenix Scorch.

I had the Phoenix Scorch once, but I bought a cream for it and it went away.

The business affairs director of the league, Christopher Martin, a man, said that the league isn't degrading to women in any way.

"To say it's degrading, well, these girls are empowered," Martin said.

"We agree!" said every stripper in America.

I like this idea. It's like getting to watch the cheerleaders and the game at the same time. Although I'd like to suggest that instead of playing the game on a football field, they play in a long, shallow pool of baby oil. Oh, and no helmets or pads. And use rugby rules instead of football rules, so the whole thing basically turns into an uninterrupted scrum for a football by 22 almost-naked athletic chicks. In baby oil. Excuse me for a minute.

Posted by Scott at 12:44 PM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: things i am wishing for

Former Bucs Cheerleader Will Poke You For Money

Natalie Maddox, a former Buccaneers cheerleader, has more degrees than you. And me. Probably combined. She has a Bachelor's in both biology and chemistry, and also a Master's in Oriental medicine. Wait, can you say "Oriental" anymore? Isn't that kind of racist these days? I mean, can I just go up to someone of Asian descent and call them Oriental? I'd hate to offend them, and I certainly don't want to be karate chopped for my faux pas.

Aaaaaaanyway, she is now an acupuncture physician and will happily shove hot needles into your skin to help you with your maladies.

"When you insert the needles, endorphins are released, and these are natural pain relievers," said Maddox, who moved to Florida to attend college in 1996. She graduated from the University of South Florida with a double science major in biology and chemistry in 2000.

I like the fact that they list her credentials right after that statement, so you'll believe that ultra-sharp needles are, indeed, intended to relieve pain.

After college, she worked for a couple of years at Genzyme Genetics, where she "looked at chromosomes under the microscope."

Oh, now she's just showing off. Was the job at the genetics lab before or after she went to astronaut school? And I hear she proved the Riemann Hypothesis during a long lunch break.

So, yes, I suppose Ms. Maddox is mildly appealing if you're into the hot cheerleader, ultra-smart type who are incredibly ambitious and make tons of money. In related news, I was able to open a new jar of pickles by myself. Seriously. No hot water or anything.

Posted by Scott at 8:48 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders, natalie maddox

Greg White's Agent Is Flaky

Now Greg White's agent, Jack Bechta is pulling back from the trade demands he made yesterday.

When reached late Thursday night, Bechta said he had dialogue with the team and cautiously added "We won't be pushing for a trade 'right now.'"

So, I guess he had a conversation with the Buccaneers and was at least partially satisfied with what they had to say, so he's taking back what he said yesterday. Except in the media, there are no take backs. He said it. He took a hardline stance and made it public. So now he looks weak moving off of his position when no real progress has been made -- at least not progress he's willing to share. If you're going to go to all the trouble of announcing to the media that you want to be traded and give the added "fuck you" of a deadline, you should be ready to hold that ground until you get what you want.

The whole idea of a trade demand of a second year player is ridiculous anyway. I agree that he should be rewarded, but his only bargaining tool is to withhold his services and sit out a year. And let's face it, the Bucs have enough defensive ends on the roster to where that probably wouldn't bother them all that much. White may be better than all of them, but that's not a point he can make by sitting out. I can't believe that whatever money White hopes to gain with this maneuver is worth the public image hit he's taking by making all this public. His reputation was spotless before this. Hell, I had an entry last year titled, "Greg White Is Appreciative". Everyone has to pay their dues for four years until they're eligible for unrestricted free agency.

At least that's the way it is now. If the CBA is voided and the league goes capless in 2010, the tenure requirement for unrestricted free agency gets bumped up to six years. How pissed would White be then? If there's a chance that White could be tied to the Bucs for the next five years, is it really a good idea to become an irritant to them so soon?

Posted by Scott at 7:59 AM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: greg white

April 24, 2008

You Know What We Need This Week? A Trade Rumor.

The latest name to be bandied about as a possible trade to Tampa Bay is Lito Sheppard (CB, Philadelphia). Fox Sports says that Sheppard visited Tampa yesterday, but no one seems to be able to confirm it. Everyone does seem to be able to agree, though, that there are talks going on.

We've heard from two separate sources that no visit has taken place, but we can tell you there have been preliminary trade conversations involving the Bucs aimed toward bringing Sheppard to Tampa Bay.

The asking price for Sheppard last month was a second and a fifth round pick, and it really could have only gone down. It's a very real possibility that the Bucs could spend their first round pick on a cornerback, so even if that's still the price, it's a good deal for a six-year veteran with some excellent experience. The question is, do any of the first round cornerbacks in this year's draft have the potential to be better than Sheppard? I'd bet Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (Tennessee State) and Mike Jenkins (South Florida) will be, but will one of them be available at #20? Definitely not Rodgers-Cromartie; maybe Jenkins.

This one is a tough call. If I'm Bruce Allen, I probably wait until Saturday and see who falls to us. If another team gets him in the meantime, oh well. If not and I like my WR or DT options at #20, maybe I do it. 17 interceptions in six years is good, but not so elite that you have to get your panties in a bunch over the decision.

Posted by Scott at 5:58 PM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: draft talk, lito sheppard

The Worst Idea Ever

Look, I'm in favor of saving the earth as much as anyone else. I turn out lights in rooms I'm not in, I combine trips to save on gas, and when I'm roasting a baby seal, I always turn the oven off for the last ten minutes to conserve the heat. But this... this is just unconscionable.

I am contacting the management of Raymond James Stadium, home of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Specifically, I am recommending that they work with green vendors, and make upgrades such as high efficiency lighting on the field and install low-flow toilets.

Green vendors, check. High-efficiency lighting, great. Low-flow toilets at a football stadium... are you fucking nuts? This broad has obviously never been in a men's restroom during halftime and seen or smelled the aftermath of four or five beers, two chili cheese dogs and an order of nachos -- times 60,000 dudes! If anything, the toilets at the stadium need to be upgraded to constant-flow. When you sit on one, you should be slightly scared that the suction force of 20 gallons per second under your ass will do permanent damage to your colon. You should be able to visibly see the Tampa Bay waterline fall on game days. Am I being clear enough here?

Holy shit (no pun), this is a bad idea. Are you hearing me, Kerry Mitchell? Maybe you're not a football fan and you don't care. But what you're proposing is inhumane. Push for your low-flows elsewhere. Offices and apartments and government buildings are all fine places to start. But not a football stadium. It's just wrong. And on a personal note, I'm keeping my Ferguson, thank you very much.

Posted by Scott at 9:13 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: kindly shut your noisehole

Greg White Is Not Happy

Greg White is making some noise now about wanting to get a raise or be traded.

White is seeking either a long-term deal or an incentive-laden short-term contract, before this weekend's draft. If it is not offered, he will ask for a trade.

To be fair to White, it's not such a ridiculous request and since he's currently not under contract, he can do whatever wants. White is probably a little nervous that the Bucs signed guys like Marques Douglas, Kevin Carter and Jimmy Wilkerson to play his position and also made a run at Jared Allen. Of course, each of those guys has significantly more NFL experience than White and, with the exception of Wilkerson, have been highly productive. Also note that the Bucs are, what, White's eighth team? He kept getting waived and cut for several years because other coaches thought he wasn't as good as guys they already had. Were they all wrong, or does everyone notice something in White's game that doesn't sit quite right?

When you think about it, though, it is kind of a slap to White. The Bucs are famous for offering one-year "prove it" contracts for low money to give players a chance to demonstrate that they have what it takes. The assumption is that if they do that, the Bucs will reward them with a longer term, higher value contract. In White's case, though, they tendered him an offer of $370,000 after he led the team in sacks in 2007. There have been rumors that the team was working on a better contract, but White's agent didn't mention anything about ongoing negotiations.

White was arguably the best defensive lineman on the team last year, including Gaines Adams. The article makes a specific point to compare Adams's salary to White's.

Adams was paid more than $15 million last season and had 49 tackles, six sacks and two forced fumbles, while White earned less than 2 percent of Adams' salary for nearly identical numbers.

And that's part of a larger problem. Adams was given a huge contract for being the #4 overall pick last year before he deserved it. With that much money tied up in one player, he's not going anywhere, so he's not really part of the competition for a roster spot. This makes things harder for a guy like White. A rookie pay scale would put an end to problems like that, but that's a discussion for another time.

The fact is that the Bucs have eight defensive ends on the roster if you also count Patrick Chukwurah (who is listed as a LB/DE). Five will make the team, possibly six if a couple of them can swing to DT in a pinch. White has few options because of his status as an ERFA, so he will eventually sign whatever the Bucs offer if he doesn't want to work at Best Buy again. Then he'll be in the competition and most likely make the team. He won't be happy about it, but at least he'll earn another year of credit toward eventual unrestricted free agency. It's kind of shitty, but I'm inclined to trust Bruce Allen and Jon Gruden in these matters. I completely disagreed with their decision last year to release Simeon Rice, but it turned out to be the right thing to do.

One final note. Jimmy Wilkerson's contract was for two years/$3 million with a $300,000 signing bonus, and despite his five years in the league, he only has one sack (and technically, it's two shared sacks). As far as tackling goes, White had 26 last year and Wilkerson has averaged 19 in his five years. If the Bucs decide to cut Wilkerson in camp, it would be nice if they would offer that same contract to White. If they offered it to a guy they cut, they should offer it to the one they keep.

Posted by Scott at 8:26 AM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: greg white, jimmy wilkerson, kevin carter, marques douglas

April 23, 2008

Jason Taylor Will Probably Not Be A Buccaneer

When I first read PFT's speculation that Tampa Bay could be a possible destination for Jason Taylor, I dismissed it. But after losing out on Jared Allen today, I could see the Bucs at least calling Bill Parcells to get a ball park figure of what kind of trade compensation he's looking for. At this stage in his career, Taylor isn't worth a first round pick, especially since you know Taylor isn't going to come cheap. But a lower pick plus Chris Simms? That may be doable.

I think there's a good chance that Simms is a Dolphin by this time next week. Parcells has ties with Simms going back to his childhood and he's got to be at least a little nervous having John Beck and Josh McCown as his only real options for a starter. Whether Taylor is part of those discussions or not remains to be seen. Even a second rounder plus Simms seems high for Taylor because there are some good values in the second round. But a straight swap of Simms and Miami's fifth or sixth rounder (which are at the top of their rounds) wouldn't be too bad considering the Bucs only have five picks this year.

In short, Taylor has been a good and consistent player, but I don't think the Bucs will give up anything to get him. And it's because he's a good and consistent player that he can get away with having photos like this taken of him.

Posted by Scott at 12:19 PM | Comments (5)
Tags for this article: chris simms, draft talk, jason taylor, john beck, josh mccown

I'll Take "Spoiled-Ass Receivers" For $500, Alex

It was only a matter of time before Anquan Boldin decided that he didn't like the fact that Larry Fitzgerald got a new contract for $10 million per year and he didn't. And now the waiting is over because Boldin has requested a trade. The Cardinals, at least for now, said no.

The Cardinals told Boldin they were unwilling to trade him, but would consider exploring the possibility of a new contract with him.

Boldin is signed through 2010, so he has three years remaining on his contract -- an extension he signed in 2005 that included a $5 million signing bonus. The Cardinals shouldn't even be dignifying this by bringing up the possibility of a new contract. Fuck him. And I don't say that lightly because I think Boldin is one of the best receivers in the league and I'd love to have him in Tampa Bay. But if players want to be free agents sooner, stop signing contract extensions! Chad Johnson is doing exactly the same thing only two years into a six year deal. They get that big up-front bonus for signing a long-term contract, then want a new deal halfway into it (or less) or to be traded so some other team will repeat the mistake for them. It's also no coincidence that Drew Rosenhaus represents both players. He also represents Javon Walker, Jeremy Shockey, Kellen Winslow, and of course, Terrell Owens -- all players who have assholed their way into new contracts or new teams, or just been a huge pain in the nuts for their employer. It's worth noting that Earnest Graham is also a Rosenhaus client. At some point, players have to realize that agents don't get paid unless they get new contracts and that their agent probably isn't really looking out for what's best for the player in the long term. Join me now in wishing for Rosenhaus to suffer acute angina for the rest of his miserable life.

Marvin Lewis is my new best buddy for putting his foot down on the Chad Johnson trade and daring Johnson to go ahead and sit out all year.

"I've stated our case with Chad," Lewis said. "He has a contract through 2011. He's stated without an opportunity to go to a different team and a new contract, he wasn't going to play. I think he's a man of his word and says he's not going to play, so don't play."

It's the same tactic you have to use with children. "Fine, hold your breath until you pass out." I hope it's a position more teams take with players who want to double-dip the system. I understand trying to push for a new deal in the last year of your contract if you don't really want to be a free agent and you're happy where you are. But two or three years into a huge deals like the ones Johnson and Boldin signed? Sorry. The teams will get by without you.

Posted by Scott at 9:06 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: anquan boldin, bengals, cardinals, douchebags, drew rosenhaus, earnest graham, javon walker, jeremy shockey, kellen wilslow, kindly shut your noisehole, larry fitzgerald, marvin lewis, terrell owens

And... Scene

The Vikings and Chiefs have agreed on trade compensation for Jared Allen, and Allen has agreed to contract terms. The Vikings will give up their first rounder and two third rounders, all in 2008. There's also some position swapping of sixth round picks to make the Vikings feel like they didn't get totally railroaded [this swap was also in the Chiefs' favor]. And the article says Allen's contract is for six years/$74 million with $31 million guaranteed. So, a recovering alcoholic and notorious partier is going to the city that gave us the Love Boat scandal with virtually unlimited funds. This should be fun.

It will be interesting to follow Allen's success this year after his big payday. There's also a little sidebar in the article that illustrates how each sack leader from the past eight years has had fewer sacks the following year. God, I hope it holds true, because the Vikings now have three Pro Bowlers on their defensive line alone. A first and two thirds is a lot, but it may have been worth it to get that kind of domination.

Anyway, at least the draft is still fun this year.

Posted by Scott at 6:11 AM | Comments (4)
Tags for this article: chiefs, jared allen, vikings

April 22, 2008

Dolphins Sign Jake Long

Yeah, so I guess I should have chosen a less stupid tie-breaker question for the draft contest. It didn't really occur to me that the Dolphins would actually make a deal with someone prior to the draft. If there's actually a tie in the contest, I'll work something out.

See how easy it is to take a big news story and still make it all about myself? ME!!!

Posted by Scott at 2:17 PM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: jake long

The Vikings Bump Up Their Trade Offer

The Vikings just increased their offer to the Chiefs to a first and third rounder in 2008 and a second rounder in 2009 to acquire the rights to Jared Allen. The Buccaneers aren't going to top that; it's too much.

Posted by Scott at 12:08 PM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: chiefs, jared allen, vikings

Temperance And Chastity In Las Vegas

I know it's nice to find a story about an NFL player hanging out in Las Vegas where someone doesn't get shot and/or paralyzed. And if anyone is going to be in one of those stories, I'm glad it's Cadillac Williams. But I didn't realize that if you take the whores and guns out of a Vegas celebrity story, it's pretty much boring as hell.

Cadillac Williams (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) and Carlos Rogers (retired NBA star) dined at N9NE Steakhouse on Friday night in a group of 14. The table toasted with shots of Patron and enjoyed such dishes as N9NE Signature Rock Shrimp, Spring Rolls and N9NE Perfect Stuffed Mushrooms. Cadillac and Carlos then met up with Ronnie Brown (Miami Dolphins) at Rain Nightclub for Rev Run's performance at the "Music is the Currency" party.

Jeez, even the concert is rated PG. I wonder what happened after the show let out. Wait, let me guess. They all went out for refreshing sarsaparillas and got to bed by midnight. No hooker corpses in shallow desert graves, no mob beatings after trying to skip out on a seven-digit line, not even a single garbage bag full of dollar bills to entice a stage full of strippers to crawl around like dogs. All this moderation and restraint better make him the opening day starter or else he's going to owe me an apology for this lame-ass story.

Posted by Scott at 10:23 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: cadillac williams, ronnie brown

David Boston Signs With Toronto, Eh?

You know you're a pretty big fuckup when you have to skip over the Raiders and head straight for Canada to resume your professional football career. But that's what David Boston did. He's a Toronto Argonaut now, so the bad news is that he'll be paid less than if he was in the NFL. But the good news is that the US dollar is so weak that he may still be coming out ahead.

I love the fact that even employees of the CFL know that their league is the equivalent of a work release program.

"Most players in this league have had some chinks in their armour at some point, so I don't think there's anything to be overly concerned about."

For those who don't know, some differences between American and Canadian football are that they are allowed twelve men on the field, the playing field is 65 x 110 yards (not including endzones) and instead of leather, the balls are made out of back bacon. This explains why the expression, "This player eats balls" has two completely different meanings depending on which side of the border you're on.

Posted by Scott at 9:01 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: buccaneer history, david boston

April 21, 2008

The Bucs May Trade For Someone Sometime. Or Not.

I read this headline and thought there was some news on a new trade prospect that the Buccaneers are considering. Turns out, no.

Meanwhile, another trade target has emerged that may make more sense for the Bucs anyway.

The Eagles are reportedly looking to deal unhappy cornerback Lito Sheppard, and their reported asking price of a second- and possibly fifth-round pick for Sheppard is just a little more palatable than what the Chiefs are asking for [Jared] Allen.

Lito Sheppard has been on the trading block since the Eagles acquired Asante Samuel in early March. At the time, the Bucs were mentioned as a possible landing point for him, along with about six other teams. Then nothing. And today? Still nothing. The fact is in the NFL, everyone is available for trade for the right price. It's not a story. Every few weeks, the Tribune will throw something out there like it's news when it's nothing more than speculation. No sources, no quotes, nothing new, but a headline that makes everyone think there is. It pisses me off.

Which is why it's time for a humor break. I ran across this cheerleader picture a while back and thought about saving it for next year's April Fools Day, but I'd lose it or forget about it by then, so here it is now.

Doesn't it look like this chick had both of her legs amputated at the knees? It took me a good 15 seconds of staring to finally focus in and realize that the blurry, misshapen buildings behind her were actually the rest of her legs. She is a Houston Texans cheerleader and I think her name is Erica something. I had this whole story going in my head about how the Texans were starting a new squad of amputee-cheerleaders to appeal to their handicapped fans. But I'll think of something else. And if you're one of those dudes who is into amputee porn, just forget that you read these last two paragraphs and consider this my gift to you.

Posted by Scott at 12:12 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders, draft talk, eagles, lito sheppard, tampa media

Ronde Was Almost Cut As A Rookie

Tim Ruskell, former personnel guy for the Bucs, reviewed some of his favorite draft picks. One of them was Ronde Barber, who was notoriously bad as a rookie. But I didn't know how bad until I read this.

CB Ronde Barber, Buccaneers, third round, 1997: "(General manager) Jerry Angelo and I kind of stood alone in wanting Ronde Barber, because of his size and the speed. Even the coaches said, 'What are you doing? That's not really what we're looking for here.' And it got worse. Because he went to (training) camp and he was the worst player I ever saw. It was bad. It was to the point where we took a guy in the third round we were thinking about letting go -- which is the ultimate embarrassment for a personnel guy. To Ronde Barber's credit, he just kept fighting ... and he's never stopped since."

And now he's among the best Buccaneers of all time and even gets mentioned from time to time in Hall of Fame discussions. That's why I get annoyed when people throw even lower round draft picks around like they're worthless. You just never know who is going to pan out.

Posted by Scott at 9:28 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: buccaneer history, ronde barber, tim ruskell

Peter King's Mock Makes Me Happy

On the other end of the spectrum from Mike Florio's mock last week is Peter King's, who is the only one I have seen to predict that the Buccaneers will trade out of the first round altogether.

20. Baltimore (in a trade with Tampa Bay). QB Chad Henne, Michigan. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if the Ravens trade lower in round one and pick up Joe Flacco, the Delaware wunderkind. The organization likes both the more-polished Henne and the kid with the best arm in the draft, Flacco. My gut feeling is that Henne's the pick, in part because he's prepared to play earlier.

Of course, he doesn't say what Baltimore's compensation to the Bucs is. Baltimore has pick #38 in the second round, but nothing else that even comes close to adequate compensation this year. So they'd most likely have to give away their first rounder in 2009, which is basically the same transaction Dallas and Cleveland made last year for Brady Quinn. Baltimore has a brand new coaching staff, no quarterbacks, and an aging defensive core. They're not going to do well in 2009 and that first rounder will probably be pretty valuable. It's the smartest Buccaneer mock I've heard so far. And Peter King said it. Wow.

Then again, when he was talking about the possible Jared Allen trade, he said this:

Now, about the other team in the mix, Tampa Bay: The Bucs are willing to pay Allen something less than the Dwight Freeney-like contract he wants, but not if it means they'd have to give Kansas City two first-day picks. It's a double-dipping nightmare for a team -- overpaying Allen and paying his team huge compensation.

Does that first sentence make any sense to you? I'll be honest, I spent the whole weekend mixing up a really sweet batch of bathtub meth, so I may not be thinking really clearly (and I'm pretty sure these red marks are permanent now), but of course the Bucs would be willing to pay Allen less than the Dwight Freeney contract. In fact, the less they pay him, the more they'd be willing to give to Kansas City in trade. King may be annoying as hell but he's not dumb, so I have to assume that it's a typo or some similar mistake. Either that, or he's the "Stinky Pete" that I'm supposed to deliver this meth to.

Posted by Scott at 8:59 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: chad henne, draft talk, joe flacco, ravens

Jared Leaves Minnesota Contract-less

According to the Kansas City Star, no terms could be hammered out between the Vikings and Jared Allen on his pay and the Chiefs and the Vikings also couldn't come up with a deal on trade value. Which I suppose is good news in a superficial way in that the Buccaneers still have a chance to land him. But if the first and third round picks that the Vikings are rumored to be offering aren't enough, and the team that was willing to pay whatever it took to get Steve Hutchinson a couple years ago isn't satisfying Jared's salary needs, is the total package to get one dude going to be worth it in the end? Remember that big contract Dwight Freeney signed with the Colts? Then remember how he missed half of the following season with an injured foot and may still not be ready for training camp this July?

I'd still bring him in to hear what he has to say and work him out and everything, but this is starting to look too expensive.

Posted by Scott at 6:27 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: chiefs, dwight freeney, jared allen, steve hutchinson, vikings

April 18, 2008

Jared Allen Talking Contract With Vikings

Here's the latest on Jared Allen's visit to Minnesota:

The latest we're hearing is that an agreement with the Chiefs is close to being in place and this thing could get done quick.

The word around town was that the Vikings were offering their first rounder this year and a second rounder in 2009. I had heard that the Chiefs wanted all the draft picks to be for this year, so the Vikings may have lowered the round and bumped it up to this year. Maybe a first and a third? I don't think Bruce Allen would part with two high draft picks for Jared.

Posted by Scott at 2:03 PM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: bruce allen, jared allen

Jared Allen Is Sophisticated

For those who haven't seen it, here is Jared Allen's Sports Arena & Grill in Kansas City, where the innuendo never ends! The bar's motto is "Wine 'em, Dine 'em, 69 'em". Allen's jersey number is 69, you see. But if this is the caliber of bar skank that Allen is offering up in his motto, I'll do my body a favor and pass.

I know there's a law somewhere that forbids bartender chicks who were hired to look slutty from having bellies that stick out like that. I hope she put enough wood alcohol in that green shit she's serving to cause temporary blindness, because that may be the only way she bags a guy with a full set of teeth. And if she's pregnant, she should stop walking on the damn bar.

Also, the menu has a section called "Dick's Dogs". Who the fuck is Dick? The chef's name is Rodney Clodfelter and some dude named "Chucky T." is also involved in the restaurant somehow. But there is no Dick. So stop intentionally making me think of dick (lower-case d) when I'm ordering a hot dog! What's wrong with you? I love a good cock-themed double entendre as much as the next brain-dead man, but not when I'm about to insert a phallus-shaped hunk of meat into my mouth. That may work with the Outsports.com crowd, but how many of them are really welcome in Kansas City?

Although I'm picking on the guy a little for being in a state of somewhat arrested development (Kettle, my name's Pot and you're black), I don't think it reflects on Allen's football work ethic or his commitment to behave himself when drinking (despite his bar's signature drink, "Jared Juice", which consists of fruit punch and everclear). Michael Bennett, who played with Allen in Kansas City, couldn't say enough good things about him. When asked about Allen's past DUIs, for example:

"Jared has really matured and he's over that," Bennett said. "I've been around the guy and know how serious he takes his job. A lot of people make mistakes and we learn from them."

Although "matured" may not be the word he's looking for, all indications are that Allen has learned where to draw the line and is dedicated to football.

By the way, Anthony Davis is currently #69 for the Bucs. If Allen does happen to make it to Tampa, chances are good that he will be the highest paid defensive end in the league and will pay whatever Davis's price is for the number, so you can count on the sex jokes continuing for a good, long time. 69! Get it? See what it looks like?

Posted by Scott at 11:00 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: anthony davis, jared allen, michael bennett

April 17, 2008

UPDATED: Fuck. Yes.

Kansas City is looking to unload Jared Allen and Tampa Bay is on his list of teams to visit.

Allen, the NFL's reigning sack leader, told FOXSports.com that the Vikings and Buccaneers have held trade talks with the Chiefs and he anticipates a deal will get done prior to next week's draft.

I don't care what his mullet looks like, get this done. If there was ever a draft to unload a high pick on a big name, this is the one. The value the Bucs will get out of Allen for their first rounder almost definitely outweighs what they would get for anyone likely to drop to #20 this year.

UPDATED: From ESPN:

The Bucs have offered their first-round pick and a fifth-round pick next year, and their proposed deal could also include defensive lineman Jovan Haye, Smith reported.

Uhh, ok, but that's quite enough. Haye is currently the best under tackle on the team (although he's not officially under contract.) Kevin Carter would likely slide into that position for the season unless the coaches see something in Greg Peterson that hasn't been readily apparent to this point. And this would probably cement the drafting of Pat Sims (Auburn) or Trevor Laws (Notre Dame) in the second or third rounds.

I can't believe Chris Simms isn't part of these talks. With Brodie Croyle the de facto starter, they could use some competition at quarterback.

Posted by Scott at 12:41 PM | Comments (9)
Tags for this article: chris simms, draft talk, greg peterson, jared allen, jovan haye, kevin carter

Matt Ryan != Peyton Manning

The NFL Network's Mike Mayock is my favorite draft analyst/college scout by a wide margin. He sees things that a lot of other guys overlook and doesn't get caught up in the ebb and flow of hype over players that may or may not deserve it. But, Jesus, he really pulled one out of his ass here when discussing Matt Ryan (quarterback, Boston College):

"I don't throw out this name lightly, but he reminds me of Peyton Manning in terms of emotional toughness," said Mayock, who also believes Ryan's arm is strong enough to cut through the nasty winds of the Meadowlands.

Ok, first of all... "emotional toughness"? Does that mean he doesn't cry when he throws an interception? Because Manning has been known to pout. Usually, analysts just shove all those nebulous, difficult-to-define characteristics into a category called "intangibles". Leadership, poise, resiliency, motor... all those things are intangibles, and Ryan has a lot of them. But Mayock, as a former Boston College guy himself, knows that his mention of Manning's name alongside Ryan's will have people linking the two together in other ways besides his aforementioned emotional toughness. And there's just no comparison. Everyone knew Manning was a quarterback to build a team around and a rare prospect who hadn't begun to realize his potential. Ryan, in any other draft, would not even be mentioned as a top pick because of his accuracy troubles and his streaky deep ball. And it appears to me that he has just about peaked. But 2009 looks like a dismal year for drafting quarterbacks already, so the best guys this year move up a little. But in terms of pro potential, I don't know that there is any difference between Ryan and Chad Henne or Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco.

I'm sure Mayock believes everything he says and that he really does think Ryan is the top rated player in this draft, regardless of his alma mater. But that Manning comment was really the first one I had seen that made me think he's been sneaking some BC Kool-Aid.

Posted by Scott at 11:42 AM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: brian brohm, chad henne, draft talk, joe flacco, matt ryan, mike mayock, peyton manning

Mike Florio Does Not Have A Future In Scouting

I've tried to stay away from posting every-schmuck-who-has-a-mock-draft's pick for the Bucs at #20, especially since I have a contest going on about that very thing. But since Mike Florio of PFT is a relatively well-known schmuck and his pick is the dumbest I've seen, I thought it deserved special mention.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Curtis Lofton, LB, Oklahoma.

This is an astonishing pick not only for how very dumb it is on the surface, but also for the depth and breadth of its dumbness. First, the Bucs just spent a good portion of their free agency accumulating linebackers; Leon Joe, Matt McCoy, Teddy Lehman. Remember all those dudes? Second, they have a third round pick in Quincy Black that they are very high on that is still waiting his turn. Why put an even higher draft pick in the queue? Also, Curtis Lofton isn't even the best inside linebacker available according to Florio's mock. Jerod Mayo from Tennessee (yes, Tennessee) is an Al Wilson clone with better range, speed, and ball awareness than Lofton. Even Dan Connor (Penn State) is still on the board at #20 and would be a better pick than Lofton despite that whole prank phone call suspension thing he had in 2005 because he's such a sure tackler and a hard hitter. I could even see Lofton slipping into the third round under the right circumstances.

Stick to tampering accusations and agent selections, Mike. Mock drafts aren't your thing.

Posted by Scott at 8:37 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: curtis lofton, draft talk, jerod mayo, leon joe, matt mccoy, quincy black, teddy lehman

April 16, 2008

Bucs Rookie Cheerleaders Isolated And Ready For Ogling

Allow me to introduce you to Kristin McTaggart. She is 21, a journalism major, and a brand new Buccaneer Cheerleader. She also bears a remarkable resemblance to Tara Reid, which may have worked to her advantage, say, five years ago but now has got to be a constant source of aggravation. Luckily, the fact that she is going to school and can form complete sentences without the aid of a helper monkey and a Speak 'n Spell adequately distinguishes Kristin from Tara. Also, I don't think Kristin will be walking around in public oblivious to the fact that one of her breasts is hanging out. But we can always hope.

The rest of the Buccaneer Cheerleader rookies are after the fold. Their names are in the HTML if you care at all. Personally, I like the fact that they're numbered for my convenience. It saves me from having to deal with the possibility that they might have personalities or feelings or something. I didn't bother with the returning veterans because you've already seen them in bikinis and short shorts and sexy Christmas outfits, so there really wasn't any point.

Posted by Scott at 11:42 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders, kristin mctaggart

Falcons Install Power Running Game

Mike Mularkey is going to install the same power running game that he had with the Steelers in Atlanta. It's not like they really have a choice, though. With Chris Redman and Joey Harrington duking it out to see who can win the award of Most Mediocre Starting Quarterback, it's not like they were going to turn to the run and shoot or the spread.

Offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey's system, when he developed it in Pittsburgh (2001-02), was termed "Exotic Smashmouth," as he leavened the halfback options passes and tight end reverses with Jerome Bettis' domination between the tackles. Turner has the Bettis role. He does so having started exactly one NFL game.

I was about to be a little worried because Turner is supposed to be good, Jerious Norwood has potential and the Bucs seem to struggle against true power running games. But then I remembered we were talking about the Falcons, so I just started writing my proposal for a new Fox special titled "World Funniest Two Yard Runs".

Posted by Scott at 11:26 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: chris redman, falcons, jerious norwood, joey harrington, michael turner

April 15, 2008

Buccaneers 2008 Regular Season Schedule

Sun. Sept. 7 at New Orleans 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Sept. 14 ATLANTA 4:05 p.m. FOX
Sun. Sept. 21 at Chicago 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Sept. 28 GREEN BAY 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Oct. 5 at Denver 4:05 p.m. FOX
Sun. Oct. 12 CAROLINA 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Oct. 19 SEATTLE * 8:15 p.m. NBC
Sun. Oct. 26 at Dallas 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Nov. 2 at Kansas City 1:00 p.m. FOX
Sun. Nov. 9 -- bye week --
Sun. Nov. 16 MINNESOTA 1:00 p.m.^ FOX
Sun. Nov. 23 at Detroit 1:00 p.m.^ FOX
Sun. Nov. 30 NEW ORLEANS 1:00 p.m.^ FOX
Mon. Dec. 8 at Carolina * 8:30 p.m. ESPN
Sun. Dec. 14 at Atlanta 1:00 p.m.^ FOX
Sun. Dec. 21 SAN DIEGO * 8:15 p.m.^ NBC
Sun. Dec. 28 OAKLAND 1:00 p.m.^ CBS

Nice bye week placement, three prime time games and no cold weather games late in the year. All in all a very good schedule.

Posted by Scott at 1:02 PM | Comments (4)

Cadillac Thinks He'll Play In 2008

Cadillac Williams was on Sirius radio just a little while ago and basically said everything he's been saying; he'll be able to work on his cuts some time in May and he intends to play in 2008. He sounded like he was pretty depressed for a while after the surgery, but that his doctor assures him that his football career is not over. He also said he's been talking to Warrick Dunn on how to keep healthy and proper diet. He re-iterated that he has to take it slow or he'll develop tendonitis (think Clinton Portis).

Not much new there and the Bucs seem prepared to enter the season without him, but Jon Gruden loves this guy so much, I'm sure he'll give him every opportunity to come back. He stuck with Chris Simms and Michael Clayton through all their injuries, so there's no reason to think that even if Williams can't play this year that he won't be given a shot in 2009.

Posted by Scott at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: cadillac williams, chris simms, michael clayton, my broken friend, warrick dunn

June Less Drinky-Drivey Today

The charges against Cato June for DUI were dropped yesterday. The reason given was "no reasonable expectation of successful prosecution", which sounds like a fancy way of saying that June's attorneys are smarter than the city of Tampa's. If you remember, June was pulled over for doing 21 miles over the limit at 3:00 in the morning after an excellent game against the Falcons. Oh, and it was his birthday, too. I don't know where the officer got off pulling him over in the first place. People don't drink to celebrate victories or birthdays, do they?

Anyway, since the charges were dropped, the whole thing never happened. The lesson here, kids: never, ever submit to the Breathalyzer. And ladies, take note of whether the officer has an actual Breathalyzer machine, or if he just has the word "Breathalyzer" written along the length of his cock. Because if you absolutely have to blow one of them, it might as well be the one that keeps you out of jail. This has been today's PSA.

Posted by Scott at 10:06 AM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: cato june, hello officer

April 14, 2008

Someone Confiscate Rick Stroud's Keyboard, Please

Rick Stroud is really pushing this Jeff Garcia salary issue. Garcia said last week that he was disappointed that the Buccaneers hadn't reworked his contract and acted like that was a story. Every NFL player who has a decent season is disappointed that they're not the first in line to get a new contract. It's the nature of the game these days. I'm not sure why they even have long-term contracts anymore. It seems like players would prefer to get paid based on production per game. $250,000 per touchdown catch, $300 per passing yard, $500,000 per interception, etc. That would work well until they had an off year; then they'd bitch about "security" or that there's more to their job than statistics. The point is that players are never truly happy with their contract situations.

Jeff Garcia is no different. He is earning $2 million this year and he wants more because he did well last year and none of Stroud's arguments makes any sense.

The Bucs made some promises to Garcia they have not fulfilled, presumably agreeing to revisit his contract and make up for some of those lost wages. Salary cap rules prevent them from handing him the cash in an envelope.

Who said the Bucs made promises? Garcia? I read this article several times and nowhere does it say that the Bucs made any kind of promise to Garcia to revisit his contract. Garcia isn't a shy man. If he feels like he's being cheated, he'll say something.

At the very least, he deserves to earn the $3-million salary paid to linebacker Derrick Brooks and cornerback Ronde Barber.

Really? Because Derrick Brooks is going to be wearing a gold blazer inside of ten years, and that $3 million he is earning is after he took a salary reduction to help the team. And Barber has long been considered one of the best at his position and was arguably underpaid for much of his career. After 11 years of exemplary service to the team, yeah, I think $3 million is fair. Garcia was with the team for one season and faded during the stretch. He hasn't earned what Brooks and Barber have earned.

he's worth as much to the Bucs as Chris Simms, who hasn't played in 18 months.

Oh, fuck you. Everybody thought is was so nice of the Bucs to give Simms a healthy extension even after his injury and applauded their commitment to him. That salary is part of the reason why Simms will be traded or released this offseason. Is that the company Garcia really wants to keep? That statement was only made because Stroud noticed their salaries were the same and thought it would make his point without him having to back it up. If Simms and Garcia were both on the roster on opening day and their salaries were still the same, he would have an argument. In April? Yeah, fuck you again.

Then he starts talking about how many backups they don't have to scare us...

A little review. Simms wants to be traded.

Right. Which is why your salary argument above doesn't hold.

Brian Griese never wanted to be traded to the Bucs and let Gruden have it for doing so.

Again, who said this? Griese? Gruden? A quote would be nice. I would have thought that if there was something concrete about Griese not really wanting to be a Buc, Stroud would have written a full article on that as soon as he heard it.

Jake Plummer retired rather than play here.

Plummer never intended on playing for the Bucs and Gruden has admitted that even he has given up Plummer ever playing for him. The team doesn't include Plummer when they think of potential backups for Garcia, so it's not fair for Stroud to add him to the list in an attempt to pile on.

Now Garcia is unhappy. So far, he hasn't missed any "voluntary" offseason workouts. But that could change unless progress is made on a new deal.

God, I hate him. It's all so unnecessary. Remember, Garcia just said it was disappointing that more progress hadn't been made to redo his contract. I was about to remind everyone that Bruce Allen and even Joel Glazer had said that current players would be rewarded for their contributions last year and locked up with extensions. But Stroud did it for me.

The Bucs have about $25-million in salary cap room, money they plan to use to lock up players such as safety Jermaine Phillips, fullback B.J. Askew, cornerback Phillip Buchanon and running back Earnest Graham.

In time, the Bucs will get around to addressing Garcia's gripe.

Then why write the article?!? Garcia isn't going to hold out, it's still early in the offseason... why do this? Why stir up shit? Just to make me write a response? Does he really need a picture of Carmella that badly? Fine. Here.

Posted by Scott at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: brian griese, chris simms, jeff garcia, someone actually paid this person to write this shit, tampa media

April 12, 2008

Jay Fiedler Is Playing Professional Volleyball

They say that there is a dearth of talent in the NFL at the quarterback position these days. The fact that Todd Collins and Chris Redman both started games last year might bear that out. But then I hear stories that halfway decent quarterbacks like Jay Fiedler are playing professional volleyball instead of at least being on some roster somewhere trying to push for a third string spot, and I have to think that the approximately 100 quarterbacks employed during an NFL season are not really the best the world has to offer.

Fiedler retired in 2006 after suffering a shoulder injury with the New York Jets. He started for the Dolphins for four years.

That's not exactly true. He signed with the Buccaneers for a while but was never healthy enough to compete for a spot. But his shoulder is good enough to play volleyball now. It's not that I really care one way or the other about Fiedler himself. But before we go lamenting the lack of quality quarterbacks, maybe we should look a little harder first.

Posted by Scott at 12:16 PM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: buccaneer history, jay fiedler

April 11, 2008

Graham Says Everything Is Cool

Earnest Graham said, for the record, that he is doing some family stuff and that contract negotiations are fine.

"The workouts are all voluntary right now and we've got some family things we're doing, so that's why I'm not there," said Graham, who is seeking to extend a contract that has one year remaining at $605,000. "It's not because of the contract. That's going good; it's almost there. And I plan to be there when the next voluntary workouts begin after the draft."

None of that "we'll see" bullshit; he said he'll be there next month. I don't know why I let PFT get me all worked up over nothing. Let's get to the real news.

The 2008 Buccaneer Cheerleaders have been selected. The process they showed on TV had the girls doing mostly dance routines, but I like to think they added a thongs-only catwalk and a "make out with the chick next to you" competition to help them decide. This is Barbara Hancock. She made the team again this year, so congratulations to her and her body. She is 20 years old and a 4 year veteran, meaning she first made the team when she was 16. Let that soak in over the weekend.

Posted by Scott at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: barbara hancock, cheerleaders, earnest graham

April 10, 2008

Earnest Graham Also Wants Mo Money

PFT is reporting that Earnest Graham wants a contract similar to Frank Gore's. So, noting the source, it's just as likely that Graham said he was inspired by the Al Gore movie and wants to to be more like him and help save the earth.

But let's assume it's true for a second. People are making it out to be such a ridiculous demand, but it's pretty much in line with what Gore got from the 49ers. Both Graham and Gore have Drew Rosenhaus as an agent. Gore signed a $28 million/4 year deal with a $6.5 million signing bonus after posting a 1,700 yard season in 2006. Graham, on the other hand, had 898 yard season last year