Pat Ranks Things

September 02, 2010 at 11:47am by Scott   •  No Comments »

It’s a game night and nothing else is going on with the Bucs, so I’ll take a quick look at what Pat Yasinskas has been chirping about for the past couple days. Evidently, he has been ranking things because that’s what people who don’t have anything substantive to talk about do (or post gratuitous cheerleader pictures). The most recent one is his take on the offensive linemen:

5. Davin Joseph, guard, Buccaneers. One of the more unsung players in the NFC South. If New Orleans wasn’t in the division, Joseph would be the NFC South’s best guard.

So Joseph is the fifth-best offensive lineman in the NFC South? I guess I can get behind that. This is Joseph’s last year under contract, but if the years required for unrestricted free agency are still at six, he’ll be in the same boat Barrett Ruud and all those other guys were in this year. And does the coaching staff really want Joseph angry with them? Jesus, that guy’s huge.

The tough part is that he and Jeremy Trueblood form a nice tandem, but if they let Trueblood, who is also in a contract year, walk away, will the motivation still be as high to keep Joseph on the team? In other words, will Joseph be as effective with someone else at right tackle?

8. Donald Penn, left tackle, Buccaneers. Is he an elite left tackle? No, but the Buccaneers just handed him a ton of money because he’s capable of protecting Josh Freeman’s blind side.

Well, that’s the job description, right? How does Pat judge eliteness? Does Penn have to Super Duper protect Freeman? Numbnuts.

12. Jeff Faine, center, Buccaneers. A veteran with good leadership skills. The Bucs need Faine to stay on the field all season. When he was hurt last year, it had a huge impact on the entire offense.

I have no problem with the words, it’s the ranking I take issue with. Third-best center in the NFC South? Faine is better than Ryan Kalil at this stage of their careers. He simply is. Kalil may have more upside because of his youth, but Faine is everything you want in a center and is pretty much at the peak of his career. And this is coming from a guy who wanted to draft Kalil.

If you were looking for Jeremy Zuttah‘s name, you’ve been watching a different team with a different Jeremy Zuttah on it. I would make a joke here about Trueblood, but I will be visiting One Buc in a couple weeks and I’ve grown accustomed to having my head attached to my neck, so I don’t want to do anything to mess that up.

As long as I’m on Pat’s page, let’s just blow the rest of his shit out so I can get back to work.

Victor in El Paso, Texas writes: Now that the Bucs have cut Derrick Ward do you think the Bucs will get another running back?

Pat Yasinskas: I would not totally rule out the Bucs picking up a running back when other teams make their cuts. The Bucs constantly monitor the waiver wire and are always looking to upgrade a roster that clearly still needs some upgrading.

Pat must be talking about the South Carolina Buccaneers, a professional inline hockey team, because the Tampa Bay Buccaneers of the NFL don’t give half a shit about the waiver wire. They’ll be more than happy to fill holes with undrafted free agents and hurricane sandbags until next year’s draft where they’ll continue their rebuilding project. Maybe if a large meteor crushes half the roster, they’ll skim the transaction list and see if they recognize any names. Hell, two of the rare free agents they did pick up during the Morris regime are already off the roster. Do you know their biggest problem with picking up free agents? Child labor laws.

On to wide receivers:

6. Mike Williams, Buccaneers. I’m really hesitant to rank a rookie receiver this high because I’ve seen too many of them through the years struggle after looking great in the summer. But I think Williams might be the exception to this rule. In camp and the preseason, he’s just gone out and made plays day after day. Tampa Bay needs someone to emerge as a No. 1 receiver and he seems to be leading the candidates.

I have no problem with Williams being named the sixth-best receiver in the NFC South already. It’s aggressive, but there’s no one ranked below him that I think is better. I think Marques Colston is better than Roddy White, but now we’re splitting hairs.

9. Reggie Brown, Buccaneers. Someone’s going to end up being the starter opposite Williams and the Bucs think Brown has a shot at securing that role. This is a guy the Bucs traded for with five years left on his contract. He’s still adjusting to the system a bit, but the Bucs think he’s going to fit in.

Yeah, now all he has to do is actually catch a ball. The preseason has not been kind to Brown. Pat has Lance Moore a few slots behind Brown and I’m not so sure about that. Brown still has a lot to prove.

11. Sammie Stroughter, Buccaneers. The plan is to use him in the slot, where Stroughter is a perfect fit. He showed big-play ability last year and the Bucs are fantasizing about Stroughter running under some deep passes from Josh Freeman.

This is too low for Stroughter. Behind Brandon LaFell? Seriously?

14. Arrelious Benn, Buccaneers. He was a second-round pick, but Williams has been better in the preseason. The Bucs aren’t down on Benn. They think he’s progressing at the normal pace for a rookie and he could play more of a role as the season goes on.

Write your own articles, Pat. Or at the very least hit the donate button and leave your apology in the memo line.

Real world work and obligations may make posting during the day a little difficult for the next couple weeks. If I can’t do daytime posts, I’ll catch up in the evening.

Footvol Time In Tennessee

September 02, 2010 at 12:22am by Scott   •  6 Comments »

College football starts in less than three days, over a week ahead the pro regular season, so my mind is more on the Vols than the Bucs at this moment. Above is Swiperboy‘s 2010 dedication to the Vols titled “Footvol”. At least I think it’s Swiperboy. I couldn’t quite tell from the two-thousand ads and mentions of himself. But despite that, it gets you geared up for the season. Normally I’d say butchering and sampling “Rocky Top” is a mortal sin, but this works for me.

Next is a good write-up about Eric Berry and how he’s basically the best person on the planet.

University of Tennessee managers would always wash, clean, paint and apply logos to helmets before games on Saturday. The managers with the most seniority would apply the decals, while the newest would have to scrub and paint over any scratches on the helmet. Eric Berry said he wanted to give back to the guys that do so much for the players, therefore he would be found washing and painting the Tennessee helmets before game day because he didn’t feel like he deserved to jump their hierarchy.

Okay, maybe that alone doesn’t make him the best person on the planet, but it’s still pretty cool and a good indication that he has his head on straight. How about his high school friend that credit Berry for keeping him away from the temptations that could have derailed his life.

One of his high school friends, Rokevious Watkins, a 6’4″, 340-pound tackle at South Carolina, grinds his teeth when he thinks about where he would be without Berry. Watkins and his father jumped around high schools and cities. “We were living in the streets” Watkins says.

“I was close to going the wrong way-to jail, killing somebody, things associated with street life. Eric snatched me up and told me there was a better way.”

Or how he entered the draft to help out his family?

He wanted to do whatever it took to help his parents’ living situation. The first deed Berry set out to do after declaring for the draft was to buy his mom a black Range Rover, and a box of grits set against the passengers seat. James [his father] always told Eric that he would be a grown man, when he could buy his own grits.

There’s a ton of other stuff in there, including his story about Deion Sanders not giving him an autograph (and Eric’s promise that he would never do that to a fan), how he corrected Monte Kiffin on defensive alignments, and how he’s doing everything right with the Chiefs. I think Gerald McCoy will be good and I’m glad the Bucs have him and everything, but I’d be lying if I didn’t still feel pangs from the Bucs missing out on Berry.

And finally, here’s a girl who did her wedding photo shoot in Neyland Stadium. Why? Because it’s the best idea ever, that’s why.

REAR ENTRIES: Longer Than I Expected

September 01, 2010 at 11:58am by Scott   •  3 Comments »

WARD LEAVES CLASSY: For all the shit people like me have thrown his way, Derrick Ward still stayed classy upon his departure from the Buccaneers. Funny how six million guaranteed dollars for one year of work will keep your perky after you’ve been fired.

“My experience with the Bucs was a great one. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Rah (Raheem) and Mark (Dominik) and I hope this season goes well for them. Although it’s tough to think that I’m not a Buc any more, I’m excited to see what else is out there for me. I still believe in my abilities and am looking forward to the next chapter of my football career.”

I’m sure he heard all the criticism and he left with his head high anyway, so that’s cool of him. Not that I care anymore. I’m probably going to have trouble remembering his name immediately after pressing the “Publish” button. You can’t live in the past, baby. That’s why I change my name and social security number every couple years. Ward may want to think about doing the same if he wants to work in the NFL again.

OH GOD, YOU AGAIN?: Since he is constantly hiding from Eskimo hunters who want to poach his tusks and feast on his nutritious blubber, Gary Shelton has to stay in the St. Pete Times offices pretty much around the clock. This gives him lots of time to write all kinds of dreck and schlock about the Buccaneers that normally wouldn’t be produced by human writers. Like this piece about how Derrick Ward’s sucking was actually partly the Bucs’ fault.

That said, the Bucs are a partner in this mistake, too. If Ward was a flop, well, he was their hand-picked flop.

If he were a different writer, I would feel sorry for Shelton. Here he is trapped in Tampa covering a team he obviously loathes. The Bucs cut their losses after one season, throwing a ton of guaranteed cash out the window in the process, and Shelton still has something negative to say. Of course Ward was “hand-picked”. The Bucs weren’t assigned Ward by the government. No one made them take him. But he was, by all evidence from the previous season, the best back available at the time. I don’t blame Dominik or Raheem for signing him and I applaud their conviction for letting him go after one year.

Around town, I suspect, the common response to his departure is, “What took the Bucs so long?”

There was no reason to cut him before now. If you’re allowed 80 players and you’ve got a bunch of cash invested in this dude, why not given him the benefit of the doubt until you have to make cuts? No one is wondering what took so long. I actually didn’t expect it to happen at all. You’re not going to drag me into your quagmire of negativity, Gary.

More and more, it looks like the worst season the Bucs have had in 20 years was last year’s offseason. They hired two coordinators, and neither made it through the season. They signed two veteran quarterbacks in Luke McCown and Byron Leftwich, spent most of the preseason deciding between them, and neither played beyond the third week of the regular season. They gave big contracts to Michael Clayton and Ward and kicker Mike Nugent, and all of them underachieved.

Yeah, you know what else was bad? Drafting Booker Reese in 1982. Why are we discussing last offseason? I’ll give him Clayton because he’s still on the team, but none of those other guys are. Who gives a shit? The only reason to bring up Nugent and Leftwich and all them is to deride the team. That’s it.

Like most teams, the Bucs, I’m sure, would like it very much if you would dismiss all this as last year’s news and proceed to talk about what a steal receiver Mike Williams was in this year’s draft. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. With losing teams, mistakes always stick on the bottom of their shoes. It is only winning that makes anyone forget.

Shelton isn’t a football fan. That much is clear. Real fans of shitty teams are fucking miserable during the season and absolutely elated in the offseason. Because everyone is 0-0 in the offseason. It’s the renewed hope that this year maybe the “any given Sunday” cliche will apply to them a few times. It’s the promise of new draft picks and improved play from established players. It’s what we live for. And if this year turns out to be shit, too, we’ll bitch about the mistakes made in 2010. Maybe we’ll complain about the trend and if things are bad long enough we’ll shout down the coach and management and call for their firings. But there’s a reason I don’t mention Todd Steussie or Charlie Garner and only referred to Dexter Jackson in passing the other day (and that was actually for an optimistic piece about Arrelious Benn). I’ve moved on from 2009. Maybe if Shelton wasn’t such a miserable tub of shit, he could too.

TALIB SUSPENDED FOR ONE GAME: This is probably important enough for its own entry, but I needed one more short one and I don’t have a lot to say about it. Seems like it took long enough for the appeal and suspension to finally kick in, seeing as how Aqib Talib punched that cabbie last August.

“Since last fall, Aqib has done all that’s been asked of him and more, on and especially off the field,” Bucs general manager Mark Dominik said in a statement. “We look forward to his return to the field in Week 2.”

Seems like everyone has moved on. QUITE A NOVEL CONCEPT. But this suspension will likely mean that the team keeps five corners on the roster and only four safeties. With Talib suspended, they have Ronde Barber and probably Elbert Mack starting with E.J. Biggers moving into Ronde’s spot in nickel packages and Myron Lewis as a reserve. Stephen Holder thinks Biggers will start and Mack will be the nickel, which is certainly a possibility, too. So this suspension may very well mean that Corey Lynch doesn’t survive final cuts, which I think is a shame. If he doesn’t get scooped up by the end of week one, maybe they cut a corner and re-sign Lynch, depending on how everyone in the secondary plays against Cleveland.

UPDATED: Bucs Release Derrick Ward

August 31, 2010 at 01:26pm by Scott   •  13 Comments »

As reported by Anwar Richardson just a minute ago. Don’t have time to discuss it now, but leave your comments and we’ll talk about it later tonight.

UPDATE: To his credit, Raheem Morris didn’t sugarcoat the news about Ward. I thought he might say that it “just didn’t work out” or that it was a numbers thing, but no, he just kind of sucked.

“It was less about the abandonment, it was more about everybody’s skill level on our football team and where we need to go and how we see our team fitting right now.”

Skill level. Good. I’m liking Raheem more and more.

So Derrick Ward had one bad season with the Bucs and gets canned before final cuts. Meanwhile Michael Clayton is still employed after five shit seasons. Tell your children that if they want to make a fortune in the NFL, all they have to do is be a wide receiver who can’t catch but has good blocking skills.

I guess this means that Clifton Smith has a better chance of hanging on, too. Smith fumbled another kickoff return on Saturday against the Jags, so even though Ward was using offensive linemen’s backs as wheelchair ramps, they’re still taking a risk by releasing him in case Cadillac goes down. I’m excited by Kareem Huggins, but is he an every down back that can carry a full game?

Oh Well, I Guess The Season’s Over

August 31, 2010 at 01:17pm by Scott   •  3 Comments »

Let’s see… he’s about six feet high and 300 pounds, so I’ll have to construct the enclosure with about a foot of buffer on each side. And there’s 27 cubic feet in one cubic yard, and each cubic foot weighs about 150 pounds, but he’s going to displace a lot of that because of his massive head, so I can reduce it by about 15%. Now, he’s going to squirm a lot, so that’s going to increase the setting time by…

Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just sitting here calculating how much concrete it will take to completely encase Peter King in a cement tomb that I will be dropping into Tampa Bay as an artificial reef. See, King crossed the shitline with his recent prediction that the Bucs would actually get worse in 2010. Worse.

Sports Illustrated’s NFL Preview issue is out tomorrow, and senior writer Peter King predicts the Bucs will be 2-14 this season after going 3-13 last year.

King writes in the team scouting report, “Five words you never want to say to your team or to your fans: ‘This is a rebuilding year.’ Realistically, though, there’s no other way the Bucs can present their 2010 season to the faithful.”

The Browns, Rams, Cardinals, and Lions should automatically get the Bucs over where they were last year. And all the but the Cardinals game is at home. The Panthers aren’t that good, the Bucs should be able to squeeze one win out of them. Maybe the Falcons are good for one. And last year they beat the Seahawks and the Saints, who they both play again this year. The team upgraded at defensive tackle, safety, wide receiver and left guard. There is no reason why they Bucs can’t get six wins. And if they hit a couple of the better teams on bad days or something (think Green Bay last year), they could scrape a 50/50 season. Two wins. Pfffft. Eat a great big bagful of bull assholes, Peter.

Could Spurlock Be The Third-String QB?

August 31, 2010 at 10:43am by Scott   •  3 Comments »

Anwar Richardson poses the possibility of the Bucs keeping only two quarterbacks on the 53-man roster and using Micheal Spurlock as the emergency quarterback.

If Tampa Bay elects to keep Josh Freeman and Josh Johnson on its active roster, while placing Rudy Carpenter on the practice squad, Spurlock could be the Bucs’ emergency quarterback on game day.

Watching Carpenter’s performance against the Jags gave me angina, but he’s still an actual quarterback and the starter has a broken thumb, so I don’t think they part with Carpenter just yet. Not for week one. If Freeman plays against Cleveland and everything goes well, they may elect to shuffle the roster around and possibly only keep two quarterbacks, but not right out of the gate.

“Depending on what we do at our quarterback situation, if you’re a team that only carries two quarterbacks, he’d be a guy that would have to learn how to take some snaps and finish out a game for us. I’m not saying we’re going two quarterbacks, but he’s a guy at the receiver position who might able to do some things with the wildcat. He’s a versatile player.”

The fact that Spurlock has played quarterback in college, is a special teams standout, has made tons of plays in camp and preseason, and is no longer practice squad eligible I think gives him the nod for the roster, even if the team keeps Carpenter. Hell, Tony Dungy played emergency quarterback in a game. So did Brian Mitchell. It’s not like teams play their third-string QB very often. Just do enough to hold shit together and not trip over anyone to get through the game. Spurlock can do that.

Later in the article, Spurlock talks about his UFL experience and how he stayed at shitty hotels.

“I love the UFL, but for guys to be like I can do this for the next six years, it was like ‘no’ to me,” Spurlock said. “You don’t really know how privileged you are just to go onto the runway and get on the plane, or have a nice hotel. It was an eye-opener. It humbled me a whole lot.”

I just thought that was funny. The idea of a professional football team staying at a burned-out La Quinta without air conditioners and suspicious stains on the bed spread is amusing to me because I’ve stayed in those places and I’ve made those stains. It’s got to be tough for former NFL head coaches to walk into one of those places and tell them they need 20 rooms for 12 hours and get charged accordingly. See what you get for naming your team something so stupid?

“He’s quiet. He goes about his business,” Bucs coach Raheem Morris said. “He played quarterback in college. He can throw the football. He’s one of the greatest kids to be around on our football team and those are the type of people you want to be around. Those are the types of people who help your team develop.

“He makes it difficult every day when you go in that room and see who you’re going to play because they’re fighting.”

I’ve been pulling for Spurlock since last year and I especially want him to make the team now since I picked him for the opening day roster and it would really boost my credibility for him to stick. But also I think he’s the best option of the bubble receivers and possibly better than Reggie Brown considering Brown has only caught one pass this preseason and has had more than one slip through his fingers. Spurlock catches everything. It’s time to give him a permanent home. For a year.

Morris Defends Benn

August 31, 2010 at 09:43am by Scott   •  4 Comments »

Raheem Morris addressed the perception that Arrelious Benn isn’t developing as quickly as Mike Williams yesterday. A perception that arose from the fact that Arrelious Benn isn’t developing as quickly as Mike Williams.

“The unfair part is that Arrelious is being compared to Mike,” said Morris. “It is unfair to Arrelious because they got one at a different level. They are developing at a different speed.”

Whether the perception is true or not, it’s completely fair to compare them. They play the same position and were drafted in the same year, one two rounds ahead of the other. It would be insane not to compare them.

“Mike is the clear-cut starting X, and Rejus is coming. He’s starting to give you more every day.”

That’s good to know. It’s also good to know that Rejis is short for Arrelious.

“The thing you are going to get with him is in time.”

Huh? I don’t think that’s technically even a sentence.

“They are all rookies and how our draft class is playing is really what our fans should be excited about. The fact that when he has had opportunities he’s made some plays, he’s gone in there and made a block and made a play. They should be encouraged about what he is doing as a rookie rather than saying compared to Mike.”

Now this is starting to sound like spin, but let me say that I am fine with the spin. We were told in not so many words by Eric Yarber a couple weeks ago that Benn is a slow learner. In that entry, I chastised Yarber for bringing it up at all and not just letting it go as “everyone develops differently”. Morris is doing the right thing by trying to separate the two rookies, even if it’s unreasonable to ask the media not to compare them. Later in his quotes, Morris talks about how very few rookies actually start and that Benn’s pace is really more common. Williams just happens to be extraordinary. That’s the right angle.

People are getting nervous because another second-round wide receiver turned out to be a complete waste of skin not all that long ago. But Benn is different. He’s not afraid of contact and he’s willing to do anything. That’s half the battle.

Antonio Bryant’s Character Assassination

August 30, 2010 at 02:04pm by Scott   •  6 Comments »

I posted the Rear Entry about Antonio Bryant before I read this piece by Pat Yasinskas titled “Party at One Buccaneer Place“, a title which sounds a lot more fun than the article really is.

Sitting more than 20 miles from One Buccaneer Place, I’m pretty sure I just heard some laughter coming out of the building.

Listen, the people who run the Bucs – Mark Dominik and Raheem Morris – are pretty classy guys, no matter if you think they’re good at their jobs. They’re not the type to gloat.

Oh no, of course not. I DARE ANY WRITER TO SAY RAHEEM MORRIS DOESN’T GLOAT!

He goes on to summarize the Bryant fallout in Cincinnati and deride the Bengals for signing him, which is fair enough. Then comes this.

They cut Bryant in part because he had some knee problems. They also cut him because they realized he just wasn’t that good and, maybe – just maybe – because Owens would be a better fit in the locker room.

… says Pat without bothering to cite a source. Wasn’t that good? He wasn’t on the field a lot last year, but you can’t just throw something like that out there without backing it up. How soon we forget:

Are the Bucs glad they didn’t re-sign Bryant for 2010? Sure, because his knee is still bad and, from what some people are saying, may never get better.

One NFL medical person — don’t want to be too specific — told me Sunday that the injury that is apparently plaguing fired Cincinnati wideout Antonio Bryant could be Chondral Defect of the knee. “If you’re not looking for it, you won’t find it,” this official said. “It’s a long-term knee problem that won’t go away.” The ailment refers to a complicated cartilage injury to the knee.

But to say it was for skill is silly and unsubstantiated. And to say Terrell Owens would be better in the locker room is just fucking mean. Owens has called his quarterback gay to a national publication. He has acted like a bitch to the Eagles one year into his contract, complaining that he couldn’t feed his family and needed a new deal. He took a bunch of pills in an overly-dramatized and poorly-faked suicide attempt. He constantly, CONSTANTLY bitched to the media about not getting the ball enough, forcing his quarterbacks to apologize for him. He is the pancreatic version of a locker room cancer. Bryant, on the other hand, was a popular player among the Bucs. It’s true, he did pout and grumble about not getting the ball enough, but he didn’t overtly bitch. Owens does it for the drama, Bryant does it because he really wants the ball and knows he can make plays. It’s a subtle but important distinction.

He went through 2009 pouting about his lack of a long-term contract. His knee problems started flaring up. He started taking shots at then-rookie quarterback Josh Freeman. Not a very bright idea when Freeman’s been declared “The Franchise.’’

He pouted briefly and then shut up about it, he didn’t go through the whole season doing it. And I’d really like to see where Bryant took a shot at Freeman. A real shot, not a “He’s a rookie” statement. I’ve looked through my archives and can’t find one, but I’m willing to read anything anyone finds that has something resembling a derogatory statement about Freeman by Bryant.

I don’t want Bryant back with a bad knee, so don’t take this article that way. I’m very happy with Mike Williams and Sammie Stroughter and even Micheal Spurlock as the main receivers along with Kellen Winslow — I think there’s a lot of firepower there. But there’s no good reason to kick Bryant for anything other than his knee. If Pat can’t backup his news with sources or his references with links, he should shut the fuck up because what he thinks is meaningless. What he knows is what’s important, and from here it doesn’t look like he knows much.

REAR ENTRIES: Guaranteed Contracts Are Fun. So Are Cheerleaders.

August 30, 2010 at 10:24am by Scott   •  9 Comments »

CLAYTON THINKS HE’LL STICK: According to Stephen Holder, Michael Clayton did not play in the Jaguars game on Saturday.

Receiver Michael Clayton, clearly on the bubble with final cuts six days away, did not play in Saturday’s game against Jacksonville, begging the question of whether that says something about his status with the club.

This is not entirely true since he appears as a substitution in the Gamebook. So he was at least in for a play at some point. I’d love to know firsthand but NFL Network is not in a hurry to show Bucs games and they showed it for the first time at 2:00 this morning, so I’ll watch it tonight. But despite being rendered useless for the game, Clayton thinks he’ll make the team. Specifically, the NFL’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers team. Isn’t that cute?

“I think I’ll be here,” he said. “I just think with my experience, with the things I’ve been through, I can’t see it any other way.”

Poor Michael must have had a deprived childhood because his imagination has clearly been stunted. It’s amazingly easy to see it another way. For instance, I can close my eyes and see the words “WR Michael Clayton” on the cut list very clearly. If the list is alphabetical, it will be wedged between Carlos Brown and Marc Dile. Go ahead and try it. It’s kind of a pick-me-up for your Monday.

“Experience” is one thing this coaching staff doesn’t give half a shit about, and Clayton should know that from having witnessed veteran after veteran being shown the door. If he thinks he’s somehow immune to being purged because of his experience, he’s even more delusional than he was after his rookie year.

BENGALS RELEASE BRYANT: So, yeah, all that bitching I did about the Bucs not re-signing Antonio Bryant somehow seems misplaced now. When I was acting all indignant over the Bengals signing him, I didn’t take into account that the Bengals don’t have such a great track record with their personnel decisions. So, score one for everyone who said Bryant’s knee was an issue.

The Bengals gave him the big contract, including roughly $7 million in first-year bonuses, convinced that the knee was fine.

He was with the Bengals for a total of five months and will collect $7-million for 2010. And that’s five months of offseason where he didn’t practice. And if his knee heals enough for some needy team to take a shot on him in the middle of the season, he could easily earn another $2- or $3-million for part-time work. Stop… stop crying. No, you can’t take a hammer to your knee and earn $7-million. You have to be a football player to do that. Get a hold of yourself. Your tears are going to short out your keyboard and then how will you earn your eight dollars an hour?

UPDATE: Oh holy shit, he’s going after more.

He could be making even more after Bryant’s agent, Lamont Smith, said that the team did not approach him about an injury settlement and that they would file a grievance to get the $1.55 million in base salary he was scheduled to make. “Our position is you can’t cut a guy if he’s hurt. We know what the rules are. We expect to be paid his salary for the year,” Smith said. “He understands what his rights are. We’ve talked about it over the last three weeks and he understands it’s a business.”

My gut reaction is to deride Bryant for being a greedy fuck, but I actually can’t blame him. If he’s entitled to the money, why not go after it? He doesn’t have any loyalty to a team he hasn’t practiced with or played for. I hear all the time about teams cutting players in camp so they aren’t on the hook for their salary in case they get injured, so when one slips through the cracks, who am I to judge?

CHEERLEADERS HELP BUCS SCORE: Keep your filthy minds out of the gutters. This is what I’m talking about.

Note that the Bucs got into the endzone on the next play, validating the “distract the defense with hot ass” strategy that Greg Olsen put in the playbook during the week. The brilliance is in the simplicity. See if you’re in a hurry to ram yourself into a bunch of sweaty men after a squad of cheerleaders have been flashing their asses at you for two minutes and given you a rager. There are all kinds of things you have to be careful of, and probably fourth or fifth down the priority list is “breaking it off”.

Pat Is Definitely Dispensable

August 27, 2010 at 11:05am by Scott   •  15 Comments »

Pat Yasinskas stuck his finger in his ass and smeared this fucking awful thing about the NFC South’s most “indispensable players” on ESPN yesterday [HT reader Mark. Or Mike. I think Mark; I don't have the email in front of me. Let's call him Mark-Mike.] Here is his criteria for how he made all this up:

My basic rule of thumb on this one was to close my eyes and try to picture each team without certain key players. From there, I tried to gauge the impact on the team if each of those players was lost to injury — or anything else.

In some cases, the answer was blatantly obvious. In others, I went with a player who might not be the best on the team, but his role and the depth situation behind him might have vaulted him over another player. In another case, I went with a player I’m not convinced is anything special, but chose him just because of the importance of his position.

Everyone except the quarterback is eligible. Go ahead and guess if he had nice things to say about any of the Bucs.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS: DONALD PENN

Penn’s the guy I’m not sure is all that great.

He stated above that Penn is only the most indispensable player because he’s the left tackle. If the Bucs were playing a sock puppet at left tackle, it would be just as indispensable as Penn. What a fucking load.

But his importance was demonstrated right at the start of training camp when the Bucs broke down and gave Penn the huge contract he’d been seeking for months. The thought of putting quarterback Josh Freeman out there — even on the practice field — without a legitimate left tackle was just too frightening.

He’s not even trying. The Glazers thought Penn was important enough to pay, so that’s good enough for Pat. Why even write the article?

For better or worse, Freeman is the franchise in Tampa Bay.

That’s a knock on Freeman, by the way, who is a truly indispensable player. “For better or worse”? Everyone who has been keeping up with the Buccaneers has bought into Freeman’s work ethic and ability and leadership. Everyone except Pat. He can’t even give them that little bit. “Freeman is the franchise in Tampa Bay” would have been sufficient, but no. He had to include “for better or worse”. Is he still not happy with that draft pick from 16 months ago? Because I’m pretty sure they’re going to keep him.

At the very least, Penn’s a decent left tackle. That means Freeman has a shot at staying upright and the Buccaneers have a shot at digging themselves out of a 3-13 hole.

I don’t expect him to show any favoritism toward the Bucs, but doesn’t his article sound like he wishes he could be doing anything except writing about them? “Decent”, “have a shot”… no enthusiasm for his work or this team. I’ve read mattress tags that were more exciting than this.

Besides, was there really another candidate for indispensable on Tampa Bay’s current roster?

Oh, fuck you sideways, you goat. This should have been an easy assignment because the Bucs have such thin depth at some positions. Can you imagine if Jeff Faine went out? Would the Bucs really put Jeremy Zuttah in to replace him? You’ve seen him in the preseason — he’s awful. And he’s also have to help Freeman make the line calls? Or how about Kellen Winslow? Freeman needs someone he trusts as his go-to guy. Is a rookie like Mike Williams really ready to take over that responsibility? Imagine if Connor Barth was lost for the season. Any kicker that is currently available in free agency is terrible, and the Bucs need to be able to convert field goals. He’s dependable and that seems pretty indispensable to me for a team that is going to need every point it can get for a while.

So basically, Pat doesn’t really think anyone on the Bucs is worth a shit, not even the franchise quarterback. They’re all replaceable. I always want the Bucs to win, but this season I’m especially looking forward to them winning early and watching all the media-types who are shouting them down now to start backpedaling and dishing out praise to players whose names they didn’t even know a month ago.