ROGERS NOT IN GAME SHAPE: According to NFL.com, Shaun Rogers, the Browns’ NT who could be one of the NFL’s most dominant players if he ever wanted to work at it, isn’t in game shape yet after his leg injury and sitting out all offseason. He’s still expected to play, though, so Jeff Faine may have an advantage here. Also, here’s a fun stat:

Cleveland’s defense actually improved while Rogers, 31, was sidelined last season. With him, the Browns allowed 159 rushing yards per game. Without him, they gave up 110.

That’s likely a coincidence, but it’s still an indication that their defensive line is beatable. With big old Keydrick Vincent and Davin Joseph providing Faine with the double-team help he might need, I don’t see Rogers getting a lot of push.

SAINTS WON LAST NIGHT: This was a tough one to root for because I want the Saints to lose every game to help the Bucs out, but I really really want Brett Favre to be humiliated this season. I want to see him throw game-ending pick after game-ending pick and get benched for Tavaris Jackson. If he gets sandwiched between a linebacker and a defensive end and starts crying on the field, I will have perpetual wood for a week. Speaking of which, the only reason for this part of the Rear Entry is as a very loose tie-in for a Kim Kardashian clicky. Remember when Reggie Bush was dating her? They should send her to collect his Heisman.

“We’ve had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag,” Dooley said. “We put some new rags in — y’all think I’m kidding, but I’m serious.”

Proper shower technique. “Do not use someone else’s washcloth! Think about the last thing he washed and the first thing you wash and tell me if you want to use his washcloth.” Holy shit. Oh, and I like the way he calls a washcloth a rag. He still hasn’t completely gotten the Louisiana out of his system, I guess.

“We had, I told them, the worst shower discipline of any team I’ve ever been around. So we talked a little bit about application of soap to the rag and making sure you hit all your body. You know, you can neglect it trying to cut corners, and it shows in how you practice and elsewhere. I’m hoping we show some improvement in that.”

I’m trying… I’m really trying hard to conjure up some weird way in which this is a motivational tool for the players and somehow leads to winning more games. Maybe it’s some kind of Karate Kid wax-on wax-off thing where one activity can actually improve your performance in another seemingly unrelated one. Mr. Miyagi had Ralph Macchio paint that fence with a brush as a way to get him to unconsciously practice proper hand technique. Maybe Dooley knows some secret connection between shower discipline and football discipline. Hey, whatddaya know. I made myself all right with this.

Okay, let’s assume for a second that some of the players are filthy pigs who don’t know how to apply soap to themselves. Staph infections develop and finally the head coach has to get involved by actually instructing them on how to properly clean themselves in the shower. WHY WOULD YOU ANNOUNCE THIS TO THE PRESS? What could possibly be gained by saying this out loud? Wouldn’t it have been easier and more effective to hire a celebrity guest to instruct them on the finer points?

“You want to embrace the heat, you just don’t want it to be a factor on your body.”

Raheem came up with the idea last night and pulled it all together last minute. He said in the press conference that yesterday’s practice was extra-difficult (although he didn’t specify why) and that being in the air conditioning today allowed them to go ahead and run a full practice instead of a walk-through.

Also, according to Raheem, Josh Freeman was not limited in practice today, or as he put it:

“Yeah, he did everything. No limited participation. He was out there going full go, full speed, full bore. Ready to go.”

So in case you were unclear on “not limited”, there you go. It’s what we anticipated, but it’s still nice to officially hear it.

Aww, hell, as long as I’m listening to the whole damn conference anyway, I’ll cover the highlights.

Brent Bowden was signed to the practice squad a couple days ago and according to Raheem, there will be an ongoing competition for the punting job. Raheem seems to place a lot of importance on the fact that Bowden was a draft pick. This topic arose from a reporter asking if Chris Bryan is the holder for placekicks, and although Raheem confirmed that he is, he didn’t go on to say he was doing well or anything. I’m telling you, this is a minefield.

Going back to the heat issue, Raheem took special time to thank the Glazers for allowing him to spend their money to accommodate the team’s needs to fight the heat. Renting different facilities, buying cooling tents, etc. He did say that one day it may lead to the team getting a “bubble”, which I guess is a temporary air conditioned facility. Like the one that collapsed in Dallas. One reporter asked how Raheem will know if practicing at the Trop will have a positive effect on the team. Raheem’s answer: “The result.” Great response.

Raheem confirmed that the team will wear those godawful all white uniforms early in the season. He cited heat-related reasons, which is fine, but at least pull out the pewter pants. As long as the jersey is white, who cares if their legs sweat? That seems like a good sentence to end this entry on.

“It might not be the conventional way, but Kellen is going to get open,” Freeman said.

I wonder what unconventional ways Winslow will be getting open. He didn’t seem to have problems getting open last year using the tried-and-true methods of speed and cutting ability. Has he found a way to levitate over the coverage? Has he been taking lessons from Legarrette Blount and will just deck his covering linebacker in the face? Did Winslow take the red pill and now he can control the matrix? Ooh, the anticipation is killing me.

From the beginning, Clayton was somebody to look up to, no matter how much former head coach Jon Gruden tried to tear him down.

Clayton always conducted himself with dignity and class.

When you talked to Clayton, you knew were dealing with a full-fledged NFL player, who deserved respect.

No matter if he dropped passes, or the team lost, or however down the organization may have been, Clayton was always there to face the music, without a derisive answer, with the proper response.

Balog did this piece about Clayton a mere four days ago where Clayton says that he was let go as part of a youth movement and not because of dropped passes, basically denying responsibility for his performance. Maybe he was a nice guy, but he never “faced the music” and was more than happy to throw his coach or his quarterback under the bus. HE WROTE THE ARTICLE and yet Balog ignores its obvious conclusions. Look for Balog to produce a new line of barbecue sauces called “Michael Clayton’s Balls”, “Michael Clayton’s Jock” and “Michael Clayton’s Ass” because he is so familiar with those tastes and apparently can’t get enough of them and wants to share them with the world.

Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. Did you know Clayton was a better team leader than someone like, say, Ronde Barber?

Cornerback Ronde Barber, who never wanted to be a leader, minds his own business and that’s that. He’s just marking time for another year or two.

Ronde Barber has enough money to where he doesn’t need to punch the clock and wait for his contract to expire. He’s with the Bucs specifically because they’re a young team and need veteran guidance and he wanted to be a part of that. Of all people to deride, Ronde Barber? REALLY?

Or how about the team’s most valuable offensive weapon?

There is nobody on this team for all these young guys to lean on, especially at the skill positions. Tight end Kellen Winslow, maybe the team’s best player, is the offensive unit’s version of Barber.

Worse yet, Winslow has a repellant personality, as far as I can tell.

Teammates might rather seek out Danny the groundskeeper, for personal help, than approach Winslow.

Did Balog not even talk to Winslow? He didn’t say “After speaking with Winslow, I find him repellent,” (notice the correct spelling) which would at least be credible. “As far as I can tell” is something I would say because I have never spoken with him personally and I am an asshole blogger. From what I have read and people I have actually spoken to within the organization, Kellen Winslow is totally serious about and committed to football. He has taken Josh Freeman under his wing and helped him immensely. And if, as I have so often heard, players lead by example, then there is no better leader than Winslow. No one thought Winslow was a bigger motherfucker than I did when he first came to Tampa, but I have been turned around over the past year and most people seem to be with me on this. And remember, the “soldier” comment came against my beloved Vols, so I had a fucking great reason to loathe him. Are my sources within the Buccaneers’ organization really better than Tom Balog’s? How are my guys saying he’s the ultimate teammate and as far as Balog can tell, he’s an ass?

“When guys came for assistance and help, to be in that position is bigger than money. It’s bigger than football,” Clayton said. “It’s about changing lives.”

Oh my god — YOU PLAY FOOTBALL! Changing lives? “And now, in a very special episode of ‘One Buc Place’, a young tight end confides in Michael that he got a girl pregnant.” Get the fuck over yourself, dude.

Clayton, ever approachable, was the Pied Piper, of sorts, in the locker room.

I simply cannot continue this entry. Clayton was such a great leader and teammate that the Bucs are paying him guaranteed money to stay the hell away. I don’t know how Clayton and Balog are related or what kind of weird mystical power Clayton has over him, but I hope he was at least courteous enough to give him a reacharound before he published this article.

As the team’s other signal callers were wearing shells and helmets, Freeman donned neither and did not take part in the quarterback-center exchange drills during the initial phase of Wednesday’s practice. He also did not take part in the warm-up period where quarterbacks throw to wide receivers, tight ends and running backs and was watching from the side.

According to his press conference, Freeman thought he might wear a splint this week, so that doesn’t come as any surprise. Broken bones generally take about six weeks to heal and Freeman is trying to come back from one in half that time, so I’m pretty sure this is just precautionary.

Morris is expected to address the media after Wednesday’s practice and will discuss Freeman’s non-participation, which was unexpected based on comments from the quarterback and the coach on Tuesday.

He’s not going to say anything mind-blowing. Why put extra stress on the bone when it’s not necessary? (that’s what I keep telling my wife.) If he says anything about the thumb regressing or a possibility that Freeman will miss the Cleveland game, I’ll be shocked.

On Tuesday last week, his wife Lauren delivered a boy…

The little ankle biter came out with a Fosters in one hand and a boomerang in the other and cried for some tucker. Have I mentioned that Bryan is Australian?

Less than a day later Bryan, who had 46 games with Carlton and Collingwood, was signing a three-year, non-guaranteed contract worth $350,000 a season with the Buccaneers. He will become the first AFL ruckman to make it in American football when Tampa Bay plays Cleveland on Monday.

What the fuck is a ruckman? Is that really an Australian word? It sounds more Asian. Of course, I’m incredibly racist. I guess I could just look it up.

The role of the ruckman in Australian Rules is similar to second row forwards contesting a line-out in rugby union.

Oh, well that clears it up.

Rucking is one of the most physically demanding positions on the ground, both in terms of fitness and body contact.

Someone really wrote that. God I love the internet.

So it seems that the ruckman jumps up real high and slaps that painted watermelon down to one of his own players. He is generally thought to be the most athletic member of the team, definitely the tallest, and has to be pretty tough because he is very exposed when he jumps that high. In other words, the exact opposite of a punter. Seems like Bryan is built more like a wide receiver than a punter, but I guess it’s harder to break into the NFL as a receiver than it is as a punter when you don’t know the rules to the game. Then again, DeSean Jackson seems to make a living.

Anyway, congratulations again to Chris and his wife.

Anwar: #Bucs captains for this upcoming season are Jeff Faine, Josh Freeman, Ronde Barber, Barrett Ruud and Andrew Economos #NFL

Ruud, Barber and Faine aren’t surprises at all. Economos is a little weird since he’s only in on kicking plays. You’d think the special teams captain would be someone who was in on coverage, too, but Economos has been around a while and I guess he’s earned everyone’s respect, so that’s cool.

But for Freeman to get voted a captain by his teammates in his second season, especially since he only started nine games in his rookie year, is huge. It’s a testimony to all the work he put in in the offseason and the leadership skills he has demonstrated. Davin Joseph could have easily been the other offensive captain. Cadillac Williams, Earnest Graham… all those guys have been around longer and are all leaders and motivators in their own right. But they picked Freeman and that’s awesome. I would give Freeman a thumbs-up in approval, but I don’t want him thinking I’m making fun of him.

MICHAEL BENNETT NOT STARTING AT LEFT END: This isn’t so much a worry as a disagreement in the depth chart, but in another case of “What else do I have to do?”, Michael Bennett is still listed as a backup to Greg White at right end instead of being the starter at left end. Bennett was more productive than Kyle Moore, who is listed as the left starter, in the preseason with two sacks and nine tackles. Hell, Moore has been described as a player who “coasts” in practice and whose buttons you have to push. Bennett showed no such lack of motivation. The coaches see something in Moore that they want to nurture and that’s all well and good, but if they’re really interested in putting the best players on the field, Bennett should be the starter and let Moore come in for relief.

CHRIS BRYAN HOLDING: Do I even need to explain this one? I wasn’t worried about Brent Bowden as a holder even though he’s a rookie because he did it in college. Chris Bryan, on the other hand, just got off the boat from playing Australian rules football where they don’t place kick. I know it seems like any asshole can hold for a field goal — have you ever seen that clip of Brett Favre actually letting go of the football before the kicker touched it? — but it’s a real skill and requires timing and practice. Look at that thing he played with in Australia in the banner pic. It’s all rounded at the ends and shit; that ball could balance all on its own. Bryan fucking this up could actually take points off the board.

Holding and punting are the two duties that Bryan has to focus on. Otherwise the Australian native is not too familiar with American football.

“I don’t know too much about the game,” said Bryan. “I catch the snap and kick it in a certain amount of time with certain hang time. That’s my job.”

Aww, come on. Would it have killed him to learn a few of the rules before he did his first interview? Maybe throw out a couple random pieces of terminology? At least give it a shot, even if it isn’t perfect. “Well, I think our lineblockers are pretty ace, and I sure like our throwingback, Josh Freebird. I’ve always liked the Florida Buccaneers and am really looking forward to kicking the piss outta the rooskin. Good onya, mate!”

And of course I had to embed this. RIP Phil Hartman & Sweetness.