Josh Freeman

REAR ENTRIES: All Martin All The Time

November 09, 2012 at 12:32am by Scott   •  5 Comments »


MARTIN GETS POTW: I don’t think there was much doubt, but Doug Martin was named the NFC’s Player of the Week last week for his performance against the Raiders. Expect another one of those this season. The award comes with a plaque, a ham, and exclusive use of the peephole into the cheerleaders’ locker room. A step stool will be provided for Martin so he can use it.

MUSCLE HAMSTER: Martin’s “Muscle Hamster” nickname is a really, really bad nickname. And yet, somehow, I still like it better than the standard abbreviation bullshit like “D. Mart” or “D.M.” because it’s at least original and I’m pretty sure he didn’t give it to himself. You have to earn a nickname or at least be given it early in life, which is why this suggestion box for Martin’s new nickname is just as dumb. Gary Shelton did a whole article on Martin’s nickname and gave some suggestions of his own. Go ahead and guess if they all sucked.

Dougie Fresh?

Skid Marks Martin?

The D-Train?

Doug E. Fresh is already a person and is known as the Human Beatbox (a nickname he EARNED, by the way). The D-Train is too much like the A-Train. And if anyone calls Martin “Skid Marks”, Martin should punch them in the fucking teeth. That’s just awful.

Rollin’ Martin.

Swoosh Martin.

The Martin Chronicles.

“Rollin'” is a bad nickname when the rest of your team is being busted for pot. “Swoosh” would be okay if Nike paid him to call himself that. And “The Martin Chronicles” would be brilliant if only he was an English teacher and not a football player. So close.

Deacon, Too Tall, White Shoes, Mean Joe, Sweetness… these are nicknames. But for now, do you know what I call the Buccaneer running back getting 200+ yards per game? Sir. I call him sir.

JOSH FREEMAN IS A GOOD FRIEND: And just because he knows Martin hates the nickname, Josh Freeman makes sure to rub it in.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Freeman said smiling. “I would say that I have a number of close friends and family members who somehow dig up these awesome muscle hamster pictures on the internet and they send them to me and I just so happen to show them to Doug.”

Yes, quite a funny joke. “Hey Josh, did you see how I just whiffed on that blitz pickup? Wasn’t that funny?”

Freeman calls him Dougie Fresh, by the way. Which is why he should stick to throwing the ball.

5 Comments to “REAR ENTRIES: All Martin All The Time”


jampersands (November 09, 2012 at 12:41am:

I still like “The Douggernaut.”


BaldBuc4055 (November 09, 2012 at 01:34am:

Nicknames are earned organically. Can’t have a contest to give somebody a nickname, can’t bestow yourself with a nickname. It’s just one of those things that happens. If you ask me, he’s stuck with it, no matter how bad the nickname is.


manbearpig (November 09, 2012 at 07:33am:

You can’t change your nickname. If his agent had a clue he would be marketing stuff with muscle hampster on it. People would eat that shit up. I haven’t ever seen a buccaneer get this much press. Keep running like Richard Gere is chasing ya little buddy!

Mark S

Mark S (November 09, 2012 at 01:30pm:

I don’t get what’s wrong with muscle hamster. It relates to his size, but gives him credit for overcoming it with conditioning. If we must have a different one, then reuse the classic, “my favorite Martin.” Great pop culture reference, positive and forever links him Curtis Martin.


adamrice4381 (November 09, 2012 at 04:50pm:

I thought the two rules of nicknames were:

1) You don’t get to pick your nickname

2) You shouldn’t like your nicname.

So in my opinion “muscle hampster” sticks. Plus it was given to him by his o-line at Boise because he could lift as much as them in the weight room, which makes it cool

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