Josh Freeman

Football Players Are Pussies

December 04, 2008 at 03:52pm by Scott   •  1 Comment »

You think this chick would miss practice because of an infected cuticle?  Shit, she'd beat Vince Young in an arm wrestling match and then take his lunch money.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all! Gather around and join me as we watch two adult, male football players cower and slither and piss themselves all way to the top in an epic…

BATTLE OF THE MONUMENTAL NFL PUSSIES!

In this corner, Tyjuan Hagler, a linebacker for the Colts, has pressed charges against his ex-girlfriend… for slapping him.

Alana Mosley, Hagler’s ex-girlfriend and mother of a child with him, according to a probable cause affidavit, went to Hagler’s home at 2 a.m. Nov. 11 and kicked the door and rang the doorbell. When he opened the door, Mosley allegedly slapped him with an open hand.

No, not with an open hand! Doesn’t she know he spent all morning exfoliating that face? HellOOOOO?

And in this corner, straight from his suicidal crying jag and late-night all-male topless soiree, is Vince Young, who will miss practice today and possibly a few more days because he has… an infected cuticle!

Coach Jeff Fisher said the team’s medical staff treated the infection, which surfaced after Thursday’s game at Detroit, with an antibiotic but it didn’t work.

See what you get when you go to those cheap, Russian manicurists, Vince? Do you really think those instruments are properly sanitized after every client? Fuck no. The Asian ones are better about that, but they’re just so rough sometimes, so I understand why you might be hesitant.

Okay, folks, the vaginas have been presented and the votes weighed. And our winner is…

Vince Young!

Hagler got some credit because the possibility exists that he’s trying to build a case for custody of his child. It’s a long-shot, but I’m kind of desperate here to believe that professional football isn’t two steps away from turning into a giant episode of The View where men just bitch at each other for an hour and whoever cried the least is declared the winner. BUTCH THE FUCK UP, GUYS!

One Comment to “Football Players Are Pussies”

Matt Price

Matt Price (December 04, 2008 at 05:31pm:

Could be worse, I guess, Vince could have suffered a groin injury from his weekly bikini wax?

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