Josh Freeman

Keyshawn Is Good At English, Attention Whoring

January 20, 2009 at 11:19am by Scott   •  1 Comment »

Give me one second, Key.  I'm just about ready to respond to your statements.
Everyone picks on Emmitt Smiff because he routinely butchers the English language like Michael Irvin butchers teammates’ throats. But that means that attention isn’t being paid to Keyshawn Johnson, and he can’t have that. WE MUST ALL PAY ATTENTION TO KEYSHAWN!

“I was deactivated by Jon Gruden and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers back in 2003. And I hate to bring that up, but it’s funny to me. Because as you like to say Tom, vilified.”

No, not “vilified”. You mean “vindicated”, as in you think you were proven correct. They both start with “v”, so I guess you were kind of close. You could have also picked “vacuous”, “vagina” or “venereal disease”, all of which have been used to describe you at one time or another.

“In all the craziness, Boomer, Tom Jackson, Michael Irvin, Steve Young, everything was me.”

“Look at me. I’m going to call each of you by name. Look me in my eyes and listen to what I am saying to you right now. Are you looking? IRVIN, STOP DOIN’ BUMPS AND LOOK AT ME! Ready? Here it is. Everything…. was…. me. ME!”

When you sit around and you look at guys now, Michael Clayton, he has a problem. When you hear guys are now coming out and saying these sorts of things, I happened to be on the team and said that, so I am not surprised that he’s gone.

Oh God how I wish I could find the ESPN clip from just a couple months ago where he was saying good shit about Gruden. I think it was during the Monday night game, but I’m not sure and it’s probably not isolated in its own clip anyway. But he was talking Gruden up, I promise.

“Jon is the type of guy that will tell you one thing and then the next thing you know will say, I need to go get a guy like Tim Brown.”

Right, because you would have been the perfect mentor for Clayton. And everyone knows when you’ve got a prima donna cockstain on your sideline, you immediately want to create another one.

“He was a like a used car salesman in this situation. A great X’s and O’s coach but he wore out the welcome. I may have been the first to say it, but I won’t be the last. I guarantee that.”

“I WAS THE FIRST TO SAY IT! Gruden may have coached in San Francisco, Green Bay, Philadelphia and Oakland before he came to Tampa Bay, but no one ever had anything bad to say about him in any of those places ever! I, Keyshawn Johnson, am the visionary who had the foresight and fortitude to step up and say something negative about his boss. No one had ever thought to do that before me! Keyshawn Johnson: Football Oracle.”

So, Keyshawn, how’s that Super Bowl ring fitting these days?

One Comment to “Keyshawn Is Good At English, Attention Whoring”

Slow Joe

Slow Joe (January 20, 2009 at 03:00pm:

One problem I’ve noticed in pro football coverage is that, generally speaking, sports shows have to choose between popular ex-players…and people who actually know what he fuck they are talking about and how to speak.

I mean, yeah, it’s irritating to me whenever they hire a just-retired player and immediately give him a position a broadcast student could only dream of ever having is his or her lifetime, but think of the alternative: A bunch of no-names that no one will ever watch. That’s not “ESPN” or “FOX”, that’s “FOX SPORTS NET – Southeast”

Comment on this post:

You must be logged in to post a comment.