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Posts Tagged ‘derrick brooks’

Sapp Should Be A First-Ballot HOFer

September 28, 2012 at 10:27am by Scott   •  4 Comments »

Rich Gannon had to get PTSD counseling after this game.
The first round of nominees for the Pro Football Hall of Fame 2013 induction came out yesterday and has some very notable first-time names on it:

DT Sam Adams
G Larry Allen
K Morten Andersen
RB Priest Holmes
S John Lynch
WR Keenan McCardell
QB Steve McNair
C Tom Nalen
T Jonathan Ogden
DT Warren Sapp
DE Michael Strahan
DT Ted Washington
DT Bryant Young

The Hall can induct no more than seven players per season and there’s a large backlog of worthy players waiting to get in, so first-year nominees have to really be something special. And although there are several players on that list who should eventually get in (sorry, Keenan, you’re not one of them), there are two who absolutely have to go in right away. And one of them is our very own Warren Sapp.

I’ve been hard on Sapp for the last year or so, but none of that had anything to do with the way he played football. Sapp was the gear that made the entire Tampa 2 defense go. It requires a fast, strong and smart defensive tackle getting quick penetration up the middle, and Sapp was the prototype. With a lesser DT in that position, the whole scheme falls apart. Go back and watch old games of Sapp in his prime. It’s a thing of beauty. A nice, clean pocket never forms for the quarterback; it’s always this mess of bodies jabbing and holding and trying desperately to get back in position. You know those insurance commercials about mayhem? That was Sapp. Mayhem embodied. Just like Lawrence Taylor in the 1980s, coaches had to come up with new schemes to combat Sapp. He changed the way the game is played. He may very well be the best defensive tackle ever. I’m sure you’d get a couple arguments from some Cowboy fans over Bob Lilly or Randy White and maybe there’s an argument to be made for John Randle or Mean Joe Greene, but Sapp is, at the very least, a major player in that conversation. And he deserves to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer. If he doesn’t go in this time, it would only be because he made enemies in the press and they’re making him wait out of spite. And that would be bullshit.

The other guy on that list who deserves to go in his first year is Larry Allen. And there is a really, really strong case to be made for Allen being the best guard in NFL history. I can’t imagine him not getting a unanimous pass to the Class of 2013.

If the Hall puts more than two first-ballot guys in (and it probably shouldn’t with the backlog they have), you’d have to say either Strahan or Ogden makes the cut. And I think there’s a spot for Lynch in Canton at some point, but he’s going to have to wait a while. He may even go in after Derrick Brooks, who should also be a first-ballot guy.

REAR ENTRIES: Bride Of The Rear Entry

May 04, 2011 at 10:25am by Scott   •  1 Comment »

Rear Entry 73

PHOTOS FROM THE BROOKS PARTY: finally has a write-up on Derrick Brooks‘s retirement party and some photos to go along with it.

More than 300 guests helped commemorate Brooks’ retirement at the site where he directed Buccaneer defenses and inspired fans for 11 of his 14 seasons. Former teammates such as Mike Alstott, Dexter Jackson, Brad Johnson, John Lynch, Anthony McFarland and Shelton Quarles were in attendance, reuniting many members from the Buccaneers’ Super Bowl XXXVII championship team.

Martin Gramatica was also there but arrived late because he missed the stadium wide right.

DANIEL HARDY IS ALL CHOKED UP: By the time the draft gets to the seventh round, most of us have kind of tuned out and gone back to bitching about the first-round pick. Even NFL Network doesn’t broadcast the announcement of the seventh-rounders — they just flash the name and team at the top of the screen while Rich Eisen says “That’s just the way we roll” for the 500th time. But for the guys getting drafted, they’re thrilled that they’re going to get a shot at being on an NFL team and are grateful for the opportunity. Case in point is Daniel Hardy, the Bucs’ last pick of the draft.

“I could hardly breathe when I was talking to the coach, trying to get the words out that ‘Yes sir I want to be a Buccaneer,’” Hardy said. “I’m going to give everything I have and more to the organization. I’m going to do whatever they ask me, and just try and be a part of the organization’s future success.”

With Luke Stocker being taken in the fourth and the Bucs trading up to get him, Hardy isn’t going to see a lot of time at tight end anytime soon. But he’s supposed to be a good special teams guy and real athletic, and with his attitude I bet he gets makes a name for himself somehow. A ferocious tackle on a punt return or maybe a blocked kick or something.

STOCKER’S REP NOT ALL GOOD?: Let me preface this by saying it’s all a bunch of bullshit. Anything negative I heard about Luke Stocker from scouting services was about his athleticism and that he wasn’t as good as Jason Witten, the other white Tennessee tight end you’ve heard of. And that’s fine because it’s true. But apparently that wasn’t enough for some scouts who added some other remarks to their list of his faults.

One major service wrote Stocker could, at times, be “lazy” in his route-running, while another warned that he came off as “smug” during interviews with teams.

Stocker’s route running is fine. Keep in mind he had a freshman quarterback he had to bail out last year on more than one occasion, so he would break off routes to do that. He knows how to get open. As for smug, that’s just terrible. He’s a good country boy who knows what he can do and what he can’t. I have never heard an arrogant word come from him, and I think I’ve seen every interview he’s done.

“I know I don’t have elite speed. There’s a lot of things I don’t have that is elite, but I think I do everything pretty well,” Stocker said. “That’s kind of what the scouts said about me. I think that’s where I bring my value to the team. There’s a lot of different things you can count on me to do for an offense.”

Whoa! Slow down there, Deion! Quit trying to make yourself out to be John Mackey before you ever step foot on an NFL field. Next week, watch for Luke to start talking about himself in the third person and to get a Florida vanity license plate that reads ALWS OPN.

Glazers Threw Derrick Brooks A Party

May 03, 2011 at 11:43am by Scott   •  2 Comments »

Good luck, Derrick.
Now that he is the president of the Tampa By Storm, Derrick Brooks seems to have accepted that his playing days are over. The Glazers made up for his rather awkward dismissal a couple years ago with a big shindig at Raymond James Stadium, complete with Hall of Fame players, former teammates and coaches. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail, Jonathan?

Deion Sanders was there and it took all his athleticism to keep him from making it all about him. At least at first.

“We could argue about who was the best player,” Sanders said of Brooks, “but I can honestly say I really feel like you were the best man and I love you. I met you coming out of Florida State and I walked away saying, ‘That’s a cocky, young man.’ I loved that swagger Derrick Brooks brought. I don’t know him intimately, but I love what he stands for.”

That was a close one. He started off shaky, but caught himself there at the end.

“To the Glazer family, you’re wonderful,” said Sanders. “I played for five organizations and nobody did this for me. By the way, I heard Brad Johnson say that Derrick Brooks was the best player he ever played with. I want to remind Brad that he played with me on the 2000 Redskins. Brad, you know, I’m sitting right back there in the middle with a seersucker suit on, like you can’t see me.”

There it is.

Brooks took 25 minutes in his closing remarks to thank everyone he could think of. Tony Dungy, of course, gets special mention for his mentoring and the impact he had on the Bucs as a whole. But Brooks gives Jon Gruden some love, too.

“I’m big into challenges and Coach (Jon) Gruden challenged our football team to be great. We sat in that first meeting and the defense looked around at each other and said, ‘Who is this guy trying to tell us who we are? We carry this team.’ I can remember Coach Gruden saying, ‘I can put that tape on and Michael Vick‘s still running down Dale Mabry.’ As a defense, we needed that.”

Congratulations to Derrick on a Hall of Fame career and becoming the standard by which all future weakside linebackers will be measured. Ring of Honor in 2011, right?

Derrick Brooks Has Ambitions

April 12, 2011 at 09:53am by Scott   •  No Comments »

Even his suit is boring. Solid beige. I may actually slip into a boredom-induced coma before finishing this sen
Derrick Brooks is good at many, many things. Broadcasting, however, is not one of them. I’ve seen more enthusiasm at dog incinerators. So it’s great news that he has almost got a new job as the president of the Tampa Bay Storm.

Brooks is finalizing an agreement to become the President of the Tampa Bay Storm and will receive a stake in the ownership of the Arena League franchise.

Brooks, 37, said the deal is not finalized, but could get done in the ‘wee hours,’ later tonight or Tuesday, when an announcement is expected.

A stake in ownership is probably along the lines of 5%, which for an Arena League team is probably worth about as much as an actual steak. But he’s not doing this for the money. He wants to use this team as a jumping off point to eventually run/own an NFL team.

“NFL ownership is something I can look at it,” Brooks said. “This is another way to stay involved with football in terms of long-term goals. This is part of it. It’s a chance to sit on other side of the table as a growing experience. Look at John Elway and the situation there where he was involved in Arena Football and look at it now in terms of him running the (Denver Broncos as general manager) and someone told me he may have some stake in the Broncos.”

Usually when former players want to transition into front office men, they start working as a scout for a while and climb the ladder for years until they are eventually the director of player personnel or general manager. Elway broke the trend when he went straight into the president’s seat, but he had had that experience as a co-owner of the Crush (although I could never figure out what his actual duties were) so that probably helped. How well Elway does will likely determine how quick other owners are to appoint a former star player as the king of their team and give them a piece of it. It just doesn’t seem right that someone should be able to skip right up to president, though. It makes me think the job isn’t that hard.

But if he does wind up getting a slice of an NFL pie, it won’t be the Buccaneers. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THEIR PIE!

“They’re so tight knit with their family, with their generations, it’s the way they do business,” Brooks said. “It’s always about family. I don’t know if they would be open to something like that.”

I don’t think they would. The Bucs are a father and sons operation now and that dynamic seems important to them. Plus, they don’t need the money and what other reason would there be to break off a piece of the team? Ever since the Stephen Ross started selling off stakes in the Dolphins to people like Jimmy Buffet and Fergie, I just can’t take that team seriously anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Jimmy Buffet and I admire his position on getting drunk and screwing, but it cheapens the image of the team for him to be a part owner. Fergie, on the other hand, should be set on fire at the 50-yard line of Dolphins Stadium as halftime entertainment for what she did to Barracuda.

As long as I’m stealing the whole article, here’s the bit about Brooks citing Rich McKay and Bruce Allen as influences.

“I got to watch these two guys as GMs and had a lot of conversations with them privately,” Brooks said. “I learned the mannerisms, how you want to be established and set the tone for the franchise. It wasn’t ironic, when something needed to be done for the team contract-wise that my contract got re-configured three or four times.”

No, it wasn’t ironic. Because that’s not what ironic means. And I’m not sure what the contract restructuring part has to do with learning how to be a general manager. His contract was restructured because it made sense from a salary cap standpoint. That would have been a fun angle, though. “Hey, guys, I’d sure like to learn more about what goes on in the front office. How about you show me a little bit by consolidating some of my future salaries into a big, fucking signing bonus?” Wow, learning is fun!

Rich Bisaccia Has Friends

February 03, 2011 at 10:08am by Scott   •  1 Comment »

Look guys, if you smack Cadillac's knee just right, he'll collapse like a demolished building.
Paul Kuharsky covers the Titans for ESPN and he thinks Bud Adams should give Rich Bisaccia some consideration for head coach. He doesn’t know much about Bisaccia, but he’s heard some good stuff from guys like Jon Gruden.

“I coached a long time, he’s one of the best coaches I’ve worked with and I’m not just trying to be his agent or publicity manager,” Gruden said. “He’s a tremendous football coach, great with players, smart, works his butt off. I’d hire him as a head coach. If I was in position to interview people and look for quality candidates and he’s certainly one of the best I’ve been around.”

Of course, Gruden has never been a tough guy to get a compliment out of. He did a Panthers game a couple years ago where Jake Delhomme threw about a thousand interceptions and Gruden was still talking about him like he had already been fitted for a gold jacket. But Derrick Brooks, who is more selected with his words, also stumped for Bisaccia.

“He’s gotten the best out of everybody, and for me, being around him since 2002, I jumped at the opportunity to play for him on special teams despite being a starter on defense,” said Brooks, now an ESPN and Sirius NFL analyst. “I wanted to be part of what he was doing with other guys, I was a little jealous. I even inserted myself in practice as a punt returner. I really did want to be a part of what he had going on with our core group of guys on special teams.”

Having a coach of Bisaccia’s quality encouraged a Hall of Fame starting linebacker to play special teams. That says a lot about him as a coach and now I’m a little sadder that Bisaccia is gone. Ronde Barber has been playing special teams right up through this season. Was that because of Bisaccia, too? Will Ronde play special teams again in 2011 even with Bisaccia gone? Not that the Bucs can’t find someone else to run as fast as they can into a wall of men (hello!) but Ronde always seems to be in the right place when the ball hits the ground. He’s got a nose for the ball that not many other players have. GRUDEN WANTS FIFTY GUYS LIKE THAT ON HIS TEAM.


August 13, 2010 at 10:50am by Scott   •  1 Comment »

Hall of Fame class of 2014, motherfuckaaaaas!
Here’s all the relevant articles about Derrick Brooks‘s retirement announcement yesterday all in one spot. Most everything else out there is just repeating the same stuff — he was in the Super Bowl, caught an interception in it, career stats, foundation work, etc.

News report covering the press conference.

Interview on with Brooks and Joel Glazer. Key quote of the interview is from Glazer: “He can walk through our front door any day.” Someone read Pat Yasinskas‘s story. Or mine. Probably mine. And just from Glazer’s tone when talking about the Ring of Honor, it sounds like Brooks will be the next one in.

NFL Network interview with Randy Moss (not that one). Brooks admits he was displeased at how he was released, not the fact that he was. Warren Sapp interjects that Brooks needs to be a soccer dad because it’s “in style”.

Retrospective article on

Joe Henderson‘s article on Brooks. Brooks says he forgives the Bucs for the way things went down last year. “If God can forgive, who am I to say I can’t forgive?”

Ira Kaufman‘s article on how busy he is now. And something about Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Barrett Ruud and Shelton Quarles talk about Brooks.

Brooks discusses the differences between Raheem Morris and Tony Dungy. Is one of them winning percentage?

Bucs Need To Give Brooks Love

August 11, 2010 at 01:56pm by Scott   •  3 Comments »

If you see this face tomorrow, the Bucs are fucked.
I make a lot of fun of Pat Yasinskas, and I will continue to do so because at any given opportunity, but the piece he did about the Buccaneers’ obligation to Derrick Brooks is absolutely spot on.

The Bucs — and I’m talking everyone from ownership to the front office to the public relations department — have to hit this one out of the park. Seriously, it’s that important. A team that needs to sell tickets and win back its fan base needs the best player in franchise history and it needs to keep him for the long term.

The Bucs need to do this, and not just because of the revenue implications. It’s just the right thing to do.

Multiple people close to the situation have told me there was an attempt by Brooks to come into One Buccaneer Place soon after his release that was blocked from very high levels.

That’s almost criminal. If anyone should have a lifetime pass to One Buccaneer Place, it is Brooks.

If that’s true, that’s fucking disgusting. What did they thing he was going to do, go in there and tear up the place? BROOKS? Honestly, there’s no reason why any former player who was with the team for a season or two shouldn’t be allowed in there. It’s not Area 51 — there aren’t any military secrets or captive aliens to keep hidden. At worst, someone would discover Joel Glazer‘s shoe fetish.

When he walks out of One Buccaneer Place on Thursday, Brooks needs to feel like he’s part of the organization. If this thing comes off as some kind of insincere gesture, Brooks, a man of tremendous pride, is going to walk out of that building for the final time and keep his distance from the team.

Yes, yes and yes. It’s not too late to announce a Derrick Brooks Day as the theme to a home game this season. They did it for Mike Alstott, they should do it for Brooks. I’ll even go one step further and say that if they don’t do something of a similar caliber for Brooks that they did for Alstott, people could interpret it as having some kind of racial undertone as the reason. Not to take anything away from Alstott, but Brooks was a better player than Alstott, period. He was with the team longer and more of a team leader. The only difference in Alstott’s favor is that he retired injured instead of being cut like Brooks. That shouldn’t matter.

It took years after Doug Williams’ original departure for the wounds to heal. The team accomplished that when they brought Williams back as a personnel guy. Then, they absolutely blew that bridge up again when they pushed Williams out the door a few months back.

I live in Tampa and I know this for a fact. Williams walked into a Tampa barber shop recently and was giving away the last of his Buccaneers’ golf shirts and saying he’ll never wear them again. That’s a shame and it probably never should have come to that point. But it has and it’s too late to repair the latest Williams fiasco.

Man, Williams must feel like the Buccaneers’ chew toy. Maybe it’s not all their fault. Williams may have thought he deserved a role with more responsibility or maybe he thought more of his own skills as a personnel man than he should have. You can’t placate a person when it comes to making business decisions. But there was probably a way to salvage the relationship for the sake of Williams’s historical importance to the team and still relieve him of his duties if he wasn’t performing well. There had to have been a better answer than whatever went down to make him give away all traces of his time with the Bucs.

With the throwback games and alumni days and the Ring of Honor, the Bucs have done a great job over the last couple years in embracing their past and keeping long-time fans interested. They can’t fuck up their relationship with Brooks. Lee Roy Selmon won’t live forever and then who have they got as a tie to their successful past? Someone like Al Davis can afford to piss off a Hall of Famer like Marcus Allen because the Raiders have so many other former Raiders who are both successful as players and still loyal to the team. Who do the Bucs have? Warren Sapp says he still bleeds red and pewter, but if there’s one guy whose temperament you don’t want to have to bank on, it’s Sapp. Maybe John Lynch, but I haven’t heard a peep from the guy since he did his retirement announcement at One Buc. Anyone seen Paul Gruber lately? The names run out pretty damn fast in Tampa. The Bucs cannot fuck this up. Stroke Brooks’s ego and keep him close to the franchise.

Derrick Brooks Makes It Official

August 11, 2010 at 09:43am by Scott   •  3 Comments »

Have a cigar, Derrick. You earned it.
Derrick Brooks will officially announce his retirement today on his web site, (Really? Evidently, is available for the reasonable price of $450) and will hold a press conference at One Buc Place tomorrow at 1:30.

Oh… the video is already on his web site. In it, he thanks his head coaches and former teammates. He singles out Warren Sapp, John Lynch, Ronde Barber and Simeon Rice for personal thanks. Then he goes on to thank the ownership and his family. Not a lot of extra information there. He’ll probably open up more tomorrow at the press conference.

We all were pretty sure he wasn’t going to get a crack with another team, and I think that’s just as well. I really didn’t want to see him in another uniform and it would have sucked if he hadn’t done well and then limped out of the league in another team’s colors like Paul Hornung or Johnny Unitas or Joe Namath. He’s up there with all those guys in terms of NFL greatness, and it adds to his legacy that he spent his entire career with one team.

He’ll be part of the Hall of Fame class of 2014, guaranteed. First ballot enshrinement. Now, consider the fact that Sapp may not actually get in on the first ballot when he is eligible in 2013. If Sapp could get in the same year as Brooks? How fucking awesome would that be? I think we’d all have to take a pilgrimage to Canton for that enshrinement.

Congratulations on your career, Derrick. One of the best Buccaneers of all time.

REAR ENTRIES: Salty Oatmeal

August 06, 2010 at 12:47am by Scott   •  5 Comments »

Rear Entry 20

BUCS HAVE SALTY OATMEAL: Peter King is doing a cross-country tour of every training camp in the NFL. When you’re a crack reporter like King, you don’t mind all the plane travel and time away from your family to bring your readers the inside scoop they have come to expect. And in King’s case, he means scoops of raisins.

I had the oatmeal in the Bucs’ cafeteria. I’m an oatmeal expert, and this appeared to have the perfect consistency. I added a touch of brown sugar and a load of raisins (raisins on the bottom for three or four minutes, so the oatmeal would soften them up and make them juicier). Was really looking forward to it. But then the salt interfered. Would have been terrific oatmeal, but it was actually salty. Grade: D.

The oatmeal is all well and good, Peter, but what about the omelet bar? GOOD GOD MAN, YOU SAID NOTHING OF THE OMELET BAR. Leave it to King to give us the lowdown on food and come up empty on the actual, you know, training part of training camp.

Due to me having to be in New York by 3 p.m. for NBC Football Night in America meetings, I’m forced to eschew watching the Bucs’ practice today.

But at least he talked to people about the players’ ages. Did you know this team is young and building through the draft? Well, that’s the kind of insight Peter gives you on the Buccaneers. Now pass the fucking preserves, I have a bagel that’s too dry. And lord help you if you don’t have boysenberry.

PROS VS JOES: It’s a Buccaneer reunion on Pros Vs. Joes next week! Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn and Jeff Garcia take on two douchebags and a former Marine next Wednesday at 10:00. Here’s a preview of the episode. The Joes’ job is to score a touchdown from a couple yards out. Derrick Brooks is charged with the task of tackling the ball carrier. Think he can handle it?

The funniest part is the smack talk the Joes give Garcia when he comes out. They make fun of his stupid, balding head and call him grandpa and all the normal shit. He dishes it back a little, but not much. He’s perfectly content to sit back and wait it out patiently. That’s the quiet confidence of a man who goes home to this.

RUUD BY THE NUMBERS: Here’s a link I was forwarded for an article about Barrett Ruud‘s 2009 season as told by the Football Outsiders statistics. The article is written by “Sander”, who is probably the same Sander who comments on this site frequently, although he wasn’t the one who sent me the link. It’s an interesting analysis if you have the stomach for this many stats. And since I know most of you have the attention span of a retarded goldfish, here’s the bottom line.

Looking at all this data, I think the idea that middle linebackers suffer from poor D-line play is given some credence and that Ruud should not be held fully accountable for his tackles being so far down the field.

Since his conclusion agrees with what I’ve been saying all along, I completely endorse the article. But in fairness, when you get this deep into football statistics, you have to take everything with a grain of salt. This isn’t baseball where everyone is on an island and one player’s behavior can be reasonably isolated. They call football the ultimate team game and it’s true. So much of one player’s performance is dependent on everything else that’s happening on the field. A missed tackle is easy to see and tally, but if a linebacker looks out of position or seems late getting to the ball, there could be a hundred reasons why, many of which he has no control over. The article’s stats try to compensate for that, but even the guys at Football Outsiders can only go so far before their measurements become absurd. But it’s a great job by Sander to try and wrap his head around it and give a thorough, serious analysis to a Buccaneer topic that most analysts (especially the professional ones that get paid a lot of money) will gloss over with cliche and unsupported hearsay. Bravo.


June 28, 2010 at 11:45am by Scott   •  8 Comments »

Rear Entry 11

FSU TO RETIRE BROOKS’S NUMBER: Florida State is set to retire Derrick Brooks‘s #10 jersey this season. They’ll do it in a ceremony at the home game against Clemson.

“I’m excited about it and I’m looking forward to it,’’ Brooks said Friday afternoon. “A lot of people did a lot of work to help me get these accomplishments.’’

I’ve always found it a little weird when a player gets his number retired after someone else has already worn it. I’m no FSU historian or anything, but I know Geno Hayes wore #10 recently. There were probably several others as well between 1994 and 2009. “No one else will wear this jersey but Derrick except the eight or nine other guy who already did.” I remember when Tennessee retired Peyton Manning‘s jersey in 2005. They had it all framed and everything and the only thing I could think of is how they were able to get Rick Clausen‘s stink off of it.

DOUG WILLIAMS IS A GM: The good news is that Doug Williams got a gig he’s always wanted: general manager. The bad news is that it’s for a UFL expansion team.

Williams, who guided the Redskins to victory in Super Bowl XXII and was named the game’s MVP, will be in charge of getting the team up and running, including signing players and coaches, and hiring other organization personnel.

So he’s pretty much in complete control. I’ll probably pay attention to this club when they start playing because it will be Williams’s own vision of how a team should look and run. Whether it succeeds or fails will be totally on his head, and it will be interesting to see if the Bucs made a good decision in letting him or or if they should have given him more responsibility. That’s assuming his new team even plays.

The UFL League board gave conditional approval for Norfolk, Virginia, to host a sixth team.

I wonder what the conditions are. That the owner comes up with the franchise fee? That they can find a place to play? That they don’t give the team a stupid fucking name like the Tuskers? That’s got to be it.

TANARD JACKSON KNOCKED UP A PORN STAR: I don’t know who the hell is or if they’re at all reliable, but I would imagine that for Tanard Jackson‘s name to get mentioned, there has to be some level to truth to it. It’s not like the paparazzi are sitting outside Jackson’s house waiting for him to get the mail or something. learned that Tanard Jackson, the starting defensive back for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers has a new BABYS MOTHER – an adult film star named JEMINI.

But this story isn’t a SAD one. We’re told that Tanarad [Come on – ed.] has agreed to STEP UP and keep both Jemini and their child in his life.

Eeewwwwww. Jackson is going to fly across the field and and crash into player after player at an effective speed of 60 MPH several times per week for 16 weeks, putting his physical and mental health in danger every single time, and still that’s not a tenth as risky as banging a porn star without a condom. I would rather slather my cock with honey and fuck a fire ant pile than take that kind of chance.

Jackson is playing a cruel trick on me here because I’ve been begging one of these Buccaneers to hook up with a porn star or a centerfold so I would have some relevant clickys to work with (I have since severely relaxed this requirement.) But when I go searching for pictures of Jemini, almost every single usable one has a dick in it. And, sorry ladies, bloggers feel inadequate enough without posting photos of cocks so long that they have elbows. And the only other ones of her look like you’re driving into the Holland Tunnel, so I’m just going to pretend that I couldn’t find any and go with a classier clicky selection. Feel free to seek the pics out on your own, though. Fag.