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Posts Tagged ‘lane kiffin’

Bobby Johnson Snaps, Retires

July 16, 2010 at 11:08am by Scott   •  8 Comments »

If he had just hovered around 4-8, he could have lasted decades.
Vanderbilt’s head football coach, Bobby Johnson, suddenly retired earlier this week, three weeks before the opening of summer camp. I feel for fans of the Commodores; this is much more of a shock than even what Lane Kiffin did to Tennessee. When Kiffin up and left in January, people were surprised and appalled and everything, but looking back it occurred to you that, yeah, this was a guy who we should have seen as capable of doing this. This is totally out of the blue for Johnson, though. He’s well-respected, well-liked and a class guy. So people are absolutely floored.

“Was I surprised? Yeah,” vice chancellor of university affairs and athletics David Williams said. “Even as he said that, I kind of was, ‘OK. Not what I wanted to hear. Not what I thought I would hear. But OK, we need to figure out how that’s going to work out over this, your last season.’ And he said, ‘No, immediately.’ That was the bigger shock.”

Johnson didn’t get up and make a teary “burned out” speech like Dick Vermeil, but it’s obvious that it was the grind of the job and the criticisms of an unappreciative fanbase that drove this decision. Johnson coached Vanderbilt to their first winning season since 1982 and only their second bowl game victory ever in 2008. Then in 2009 when they slid back to 2-10, people were calling for his head. That’s got to get to a man.

“Football is not life, but it’s a way of life. It consumes your life. You only have so many years to live, and you want to see a different way. In fact, I do. Some guys will coach one foot in the coffin. But I want to do some other things.”

He could have summed that up in two words: “Fuck this.” Vanderbilt is a private, academically-oriented university, which could be considered Ivy League if “ivy league” was a type of institution and not an actual conference. I bleed orange, but I’m perfectly willing to admit that Vanderbilt is a far, far superior academic school than any other in the SEC — possibly all of the others combined, actually. Their athletics do not belong in the SEC because the schools in the SEC take their sports far too seriously for Vanderbilt to compete properly now. But Vandy is an original member of the SEC and a traditional Tennessee rival and that’s not going to change. Why can’t Commodore fans simply bask in knowledge that their graduates will be curing cancer and AIDS and colonizing Mars and let that be enough? Bobby Johnson was one of the good guys, and they drove him out of the business because they got a taste of success and they liked it too much?

Hey Vandy fans, IT’S NOT THE 1950s ANYMORE. A .500 team with a bowl game once in a while is about as good as it’s going to get for you. You can’t recruit the best talent because much of the time, the best talent cannot pass your academic standards. Every now and then you get a Jay Cutler or a Shelton Quarles or a Myron Lewis or… umm… hmm, that’s about all I can think of. Todd Yoder? Man, I’m really stretching now. But look at it this way: How often do you have to deal with news of a bar brawl that’s going to set your team back a couple years? How often does this happen to you? Or this? Never, that’s how often. Take some fucking pride in that. In 2010, Vanderbilt football should be an interesting diversion for you and not an obsession that drives a good man to throw in the towel over your constant bitching. If you’re so concerned about win-loss records, lobby for Vandy to leave the SEC (there is no penalty for them doing so, by the way) and join a lesser conference or to forge their own way as an independent. Personally, I wouldn’t want to see that happen because I think the SEC is a better conference with Vanderbilt in it. It classes up the joint and drives up our GPA and graduation rates to respectable levels. But, hell, if you’re going to shout down a man who just got you a bowl game victory a year ago, fucking leave and join the Sun Belt conference or something before some accidentally successful coach hangs himself from a shower rod because he didn’t deliver a national championship the following year. You guys are nuts.

You Just Couldn’t Keep Your Mouth Shut, Could You?

June 11, 2010 at 01:35pm by Scott   •  5 Comments »

Do you know how much will power it took to not MS Paint 'Cocks go here' on this photo?
I was just going to let this whole Southern Cal sanctions thing pass by with a douchebag smile on my face and a Shooter McGavin to Lane Kiffin, knowing that his employment there probably led to the NCAA handing down a harsher punishment than they would have otherwise and that his dream job that he abandoned Tennessee for has become significantly less dreamy. But then delusional and obviously drunk Mike Garrett had to start spouting off and getting me all aggravated again.

“As I read the decision by the NCAA, all I could get out of all of this was … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy, and they wish they all were Trojans,” Garrett said to cheers Thursday night at the San Francisco Airport Marriott.

See, that’s the kind of ridiculous shit I might say on here when I’m being intentionally obnoxious or I’m trying to piss off some Gator fans. But as a Tennessee alumnus and a fan with no official school position, that’s fine. I can be a boisterous bastard. Garrett, a Southern Cal alumnus and fan, is also their athletic director, making this kind of childish remark an official school position. Southern Cal thinks the NCAA is sooooo jealous of them and really just wants to be them. Garrett sounds like the ugly kid that wasn’t invited to the prom.

I was pissed when Kiffin left Tennessee and by the manner in which it happened, but it’s for the best. Kiffin was at Southern Cal when all those violations happened and he had already racked up a few secondary violations in his one year at Tennessee. A couple more seasons and the NCAA would have torn down Neyland Stadium. And Kiffin definitely found his true home because he and Garrett were absolutely made for each other.

“Regardless of what happens in that appeal, we know this: SC is more powerful than anything else,” Kiffin said. “The university, the football program, the basketball program — no matter what they try to do to us, it won’t matter.”

YES! YES! Please keep poking the bear, Lane. It’s one thing to taunt Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer. Spurrier has heard it all before and Meyer can always fake a heart attack and take some medical leave. But the NCAA? They don’t forget. Between Kiffin saying that nothing the NCAA does to them matters and Garrett telling them they all secretly want to be Trojans, these two years of bowl ineligibility will be nothing compared to the lifetime of deep scrutiny they’ve earned with their hubris.

“We’re fighters,” Garrett said. “As I told my staff, I said, ‘You know, I feel invigorated by all this stuff.’”

Everything is great! It only makes us stronger! We’ve learned nothing!

“We can’t control people 24 hours a day,” men’s basketball coach Kevin O’Neill said. “That’s all there is to it. You cannot control people from the outside. You cannot control agents. You cannot control runners. Those kinds of things get away from you sometimes because you have no way of knowing. I do know this: We do the right thing every single day by the university, by the athletic department, by the student-athletes.”

Hey, here’s something you can control.

[Former men’s basketball coach] Floyd, who is coaching at UTEP, quit last June, after he was accused of giving $1,000 in cash to Rodney Guillory who helped steer Mayo to USC.

I’m pretty sure paying people to influence athletes to attend your school is against the rules, and can be controlled. You can also control who is present at your practices and whether your athletes properly document their vehicles. I’m sure it’s tough to keep everything in check and make sure their staff and players are all maintaining their integrity. And maybe the NCAA would have taken that into consideration if Southern Cal hadn’t waved its dick in their faces last year.

USC believes the [NCAA] has pursued these weak institutional allegations in football because it recognizes that without a direct institutional link, the allegations surrounding Student-Athlete I involve only amateurism issues with no institutional violation. After 3 1/2 years of intensive public and media scrutiny, including repeated public questions as to why USC football has not yet been “brought to justice” by the NCAA, the pressure to accuse USC of having had actual knowledge of and a direct connection to the alleged impermissible benefits is very real.

So, to recap, the NCAA is a bunch of jealous, Trojan wannabes who are sucking off the media and the fans, but none of that matters because Southern Cal is untouchable. They really should offer a course called Making Friends 101 because they obviously have significant expertise in that area.

Well, I’ve spent considerably longer on this than I intended to. All the history and connections between people really turns into a rabbit hole; I probably could have gone on with this all day. In the end, though, Southern Cal as an institution isn’t really on my radar and I have nothing against it. I even know some lovely people that went to there and are big fans, so I wouldn’t want any of the above to be an implied disparagement of them. I actually just wanted to see Lane’s recruiting efforts hurt and his reputation suffer. And being bowl ineligible won’t hurt his program all that much. Do kids go to Southern Cal so they can play in the Rose Bowl, or do they go so they can attend a high-profile school with a long history of sending guys to the NFL? I’m guessing the latter. But it will still sting, and the loss of scholarships will hurt, too. He’s going to have some rebuilding to do. It’s actually got a nice karmic balance to it. Kiffin’s departure from Tennessee has crippled the Vols and it will take Derek Dooley a while to build his program at UT and his own reputation in the SEC. By the time the 2012 season rolls around, both Southern Cal and Tennessee should be in roughly the same shape. It will be interesting to see who wins the first bowl game. Of course, by then Lane’s mouth will have pissed off the wrong dude at the NCAA and Lane will be reduced to recruiting out of prison leagues. I’m telling you, the hair never lies.

I Heart Esquire Magazine

March 16, 2010 at 11:16pm by Scott   •  3 Comments »

Esquire is awesome.
Whoever is in charge of Esquire Magazine’s Sexiest Women Alive bracket must be a Tennessee Volunteer. He has to be. (I’m assuming it’s a man. They don’t put women in charge of things, do they? I mean, we already let them drive. What the hell else do they want?) It’s set up like the NCAA Tournament, except it’s hot chicks, which the real NCAA tournament should consider going to. And who did this noble Vol select as the 16th and last seed? He picked Lane Kiffin. For sexiest woman. And no one has taken it down yet or called it a mistake or apologized to Kiffin. And best of all, he’s winning. Oh man, this is really going to get sand in his vagina.

His competition is a chick golfer named Natalie Gulbis, who somehow got a waiver from the LPGA’s requirement for looking like an aggressive lesbian. This is her:

Natalie Gulbis

She is losing to Lane Kiffin, who does happen to look like a lesbian.

Hi, my name is Alice and I run my own home security company.

You do not have championship hair, Lane. But you are beating a biological chick in a “best chick” contest, so congratulations on that. And to the anonymous Vol at Esquire who set this whole thing up, you are a true patriot and are doing God’s work. I salute you.

Olson Met With Lane Kiffin?

February 02, 2010 at 03:49pm by Scott   •  No Comments »

Lane tried to convince Peyton to switch his committment to Southern Cal 15 years after the fact.
Second-hand information, but worth repeating here.

Tampa Bay source told me OC Greg Olson met with Kiffin about becoming USC OC, but Olson isn’t leaving the Bucs. He has 2-year deal in Tampa.

Oh yeah, that would have been fun. The third offensive coordinator for Josh Freeman to work with in under a year. Why don’t we just try to make him throw left-handed while we’re at it?

The tweet doesn’t indicate why Olson didn’t take the job, but it’s to his credit that he’s hanging around Tampa Bay. The Bucs are one of the jokes of the NFL right now, so he could have pretty easily justified leaving for one of the higher-profile college jobs out there. But he shook Lane Kiffin‘s hand and looked into his eyes and realized that he’d have to work with this soulless dicknail, so he bailed. All the gutted puppy carcasses in Lane’s office probably also had something to do with it.

Et Tu, Monte?

January 13, 2010 at 10:11am by Scott   •  2 Comments »

Monte prepares to shit himself.  DON'T PULL HIS FINGER, ERIC!
I think one of the most disappointing aspects of Lane Kiffin‘s desertion of Tennessee is Monte Kiffin‘s silence. The guy’s just so energetic and in every interview he seemed genuinely excited to be a part of the University and the program and would proclaim how he wasn’t going anywhere. Remember this?

“I didn’t coach in the NFL 25 years to come to Tennessee and get experience to go back to the NFL. I’m not here because of my kid and grandkids — that may be a little bit of the reason — but I’m going to tell you right here, I’m not going. I’m going to stay right here, I love it here and I’m going to coach here as long as I can coach.”

I remember reading that a couple months ago and swelling with pride as the godfather of my favorite pro team went to bat for my college team and gave us his word that he wasn’t going anywhere. At the time, “anywhere” meant retirement or the NFL. I guess Los Angeles doesn’t count as a place.

Of course I’m not surprised that he’s leaving with Lane. I’m just immensely disappointed. I’m not sure what he could have done, but I know “nothing” isn’t the answer. Warren Sapp always seemed to be hesitant to give Monte credit for his success, choosing instead to talk up Rod Marinelli. Anytime I hear Sapp speak about Monte now, there’s always a touch of disdain in his voice. I guess now we know why. You fucked us, Monte.

Ha! As I typed this, this came over Twitter:

Monte Kiffin on air in Knoxville this morning, just committed secondary violation by mentioning recruit by name. Exit as you enter.

How does the PAC-10 handle these kinds of violations? Do they send bitchy hairdressers to slap you and call you mean? Everyone in California is gay, right?

I’ll see if I can find what he said on the air.

Get Fucked And Die Lane Kiffin

January 13, 2010 at 09:50am by Scott   •  4 Comments »

The Rock speaks the truth.

God, what a dumbass I was.

I should have seen it. I did see it. I even brought up Lane Kiffin as a possibility when Phil Fulmer was fired and grouped him in with all the other potential coaches that had no ties to Tennessee and would make our football program just like all the others with no tradition at the leadership positions. And when he was hired, all the Volunteer faithful knew there was something not quite right. But, man, he sure had a spiel. He had a swagger that we weren’t used to — the cockiness of a person who was over 25 years younger than his predecessor. He laughed in the face of the SEC when they came down on him for accusing Urban Meyer of cheating. He talked about singing Rocky Top all night long after a victory at Florida. He finally gave us black jerseys! We all got caught up in the enthusiasm of youth and pushed our more fundamental instincts to the side. So what if he’s really a California boy? So what if he probably couldn’t have found Knoxville on a map before he got here? Listen to him now! This guy loves Tennessee! He constantly says he does! He even named his kid Knox!

The siren sings a sweet song that’s a lot of fun to follow, but sooner or later she’s gonna lead you into the rocks. In the case of Lane Kiffin, it was sooner. And however bad we feel right now, we have to take some of the blame ourselves. Snake oil salesmen are easy to spot. They’re fucking slimy and gross and they tell you everything you want to hear. It should have been obvious to us and we should have kept him at arm’s length. For chrissakes, it was obvious to Al Davis and he’s a million years old. But the best salesmen know how to play not just to your fears, but to your hopes. That’s why suckers buy lottery tickets and variable annuities and Extenze. And it’s why we bought in to the rah-rah of a fraud.

Of course, it’s not all our fault. Fuck Lane Kiffin. Fuck him with shovel. Not only has he left us without a head coach only three weeks before National Signing Day, he and his cronies are working diligently to swing the recruits he sold on UT over to Southern Cal. Some of these kids are even attending Spring classes in Knoxville right now because Kiffin sold them his long-term plan and now he’s deserted them. Who knew that “long-term” meant 14 months? Did you hear his exit speech? Oh, this is good.

Did you hear how he kept repeating “14 months” like it’s something to be proud of? Fourteen months! I’ve got food in my pantry older than that. Well, good. Good. I’m glad it’s over now. He can go back to Southern Cal and deal with the NCAA shitstorm brewing over there and stop ruining our reputation with the SEC and the NCAA. He can go back to the PAC-10 and sing his bravado and actually succeed at it instead of talking about beating Florida and Alabama and then making excuses about how he got screwed by the officials. He can sign all the gun-toting, store-robbing, pot-smoking degenerates he can find (I hear LA has a few of them) and drive that program into five years of bowl ineligibility. I’ll give you Southern Cal fans the same warning Al Davis gave us that we didn’t listen to: Watch the fuck out for this guy. You think he’s not going to ditch you after a couple years when a plum NFL job opens up? Mike Singletary isn’t going to last forever in San Francisco.

Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino and now Lane Kiffin, all in the same greasy boat of greasy assholes. Except Saban and Kiffin screwed over grown men who are millionaires and get paid either way. Kiffin screwed over high school and college kids who have no idea how to plan for their futures now. Go fuck yourself, Lane. You’re dead to me.

I Don’t Even Have The Words Right Now

January 12, 2010 at 11:00pm by Scott   •  10 Comments »

Get fucked and die you sack of shit.
This will have to wait until morning.

Raheem Is Returning? Really?

January 07, 2010 at 12:51pm by Scott   •  2 Comments »

There was no way I was going to post yet another picture of Raheem this week.

Pewter Report finally got off the conspiracy train and admitted that, yes, Raheem Morris will be coming back for 2010.

Through’s sources, we firmly believe Schefter’s version of the story, especially the part about the Glazers not having any recent contact with Cowher, and can proclaim with certainty that Morris will in fact be back in 2010 as Tampa Bay’s head coach.

Do tell. Are you sure? Are you sure you didn’t see Joel Glazer walking around in flip-flops and took that to mean that he’s going to “flip-flop” his position on the head coach? Seriously, PR guys, don’t go all Florio on me ever again. You’re really all I have for decent Buccaneer reporting.

That report, coupled with an underwhelming vote of confidence of Raheem Morris from Buccaneers co-chairman Joel Glazer, who said on Monday night, “We are committed to the plan that we began 12 months ago with Coach Morris, and we look forward to building on the pieces that were put in place this season,” made it seem that Morris’ future in Tampa Bay might still be on shaky ground after a 3-13 season in his first year as head coach.

I can’t imagine what you expected him to say. “Holy fucking shitballs, dudes, Raheem Morris is the absolute tits as a head coach and we want to sign him to a guaranteed lifetime contract and get him to impregnate all our daughters.” He’s coming off a 3-13 season and he was lucky to get as many victories as he got. You expected Glazer to be bouncing off the walls? Well, anyway, it’s over now so let’s move on. has also learned that defensive backs coach Joe Baker and defensive line coach Robert Nunn are not expected to be retained in 2010, in addition to wide receivers coach Richard Mann, who joined the staff under Jon Gruden in that capacity in 2002 – although nothing has been finalized or made official yet.

Mann is not a surprise since the wide receivers, as a group, constantly underwhelm. But Antonio Bryant mentioned Mann as one of the reasons he’d like to return to Tampa Bay for 2010, so if Mann is dismissed, Bryant has even less reason to re-sign with the Bucs. Just something to keep aware of.

Logical candidates for the defensive backs coaching position in Tampa Bay would be assistant DBs coach Dwayne Stukes and Jimmy Lake, who was Raheem Morris’ assistant when he was the Buccaneers’ secondary coach in 2007 before leaving to go to Detroit to be the defensive backs coach in 2008 under then- Lions defensive coordinator Joe Barry.

I can totally see Lake rejoining the Bucs for 2010 as the secondary coach. Raheem and Lake are like peas and carrots and Lake is said to be very much like Mike Tomin and Raheem who went from secondary coaches to head coaches very quickly (some might even say too quickly.)

Special teams coordinator Rich Bisaccia, whose name has been linked to the University of Tennessee by ESPN, is under contract with the Buccaneers in 2010. After it looked as if he may join former defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin in the college ranks, there has been some discussion of having him stay on with the Buccaneers due to the success he and the special teams had in ’09.

For homer reasons, this is the story I’m most interested in. I have heard through Vol sources that, despite what Adam Schefter said a while ago, a deal is not imminent with Tennessee and Bisaccia. Lane Kiffin doesn’t dilly-dally with shit like this, so it makes me think that Bisaccia is weighing his options or maybe trying to leverage the UT deal for a better Tampa Bay deal even though Bisaccia is still under contract for another year. This is all speculation and rumor and second-hand info from loose sources, so take it for what it’s worth.

The rest of the PR article is about Mark Dominik and various front office positions and their potential candidates, so check it out for the names of people you might be able to blame for poor drafting and free agent spending in 2010. Remember, it’s never to soon to start pointing fingers.

Bisaccia Talk Still Just Talk

December 28, 2009 at 04:59pm by Scott   •  1 Comment »

The tenors are still fucking flat! Let's do this again!
Lane Kiffin went on the record for the Volunteers today, saying that they have not hired anyone, including Rich Bisaccia. But it’s still coachspeaky.

“We’ve not hired anyone in that position, and we’re focused on this game,” Kiffin said Monday after practice for Thursday’s Chick-fil-A Bowl against Virginia Tech. “I’ll continue to work on that after we get through this game.”

See how he kept the door open a little? “I’ll continue to work on that…” I guess that means he’ll continue to work on filling out his coaching staff, which could very well include Bisaccia. But for right now, it appears that Adam Schefter‘s report is wrong. You know what else is wrong? That sweater your wife gave you for Christmas. Jeez, you’re really going to wear that thing in public?

Kiffin Buries Slick Meyer Dig

November 18, 2009 at 01:28pm by Scott   •  9 Comments »

You could create a diamond in the force of that handshake.
Lane Kiffin is tired of getting letters from the SEC telling him that he’s not allowed to call other coaches cheaters or liars or douchebags. And he’s smart enough to know that the next time he does, he’ll most likely be spending the next game at home. And while the consolation prize is that he would be balls deep in this all day, he’d still prefer to be on the sideline on gameday. But, god dammit, he just LOVES digging into Urban Meyer. It’s like an addiction. So, what to do? Don’t name names and bury the dig deep in an interview.

The interview is about the PERMANENT DISMISSAL of Nu’Keese Richardson and Mike Edwards from the Volunteer football team.

“We’ve already talked to a number of parents and a number of kids on the phone the last two days. They understand that situations happen everywhere, and it’s more about how do you deal with them. Do you keep that type of activity around your program? Do you suspend them for a half? Do you suspend them for a game?

“When that happens, then you do have the parents questioning, ‘OK, am I going to send my son to that environment, when you’ve let someone get arrested, and you’ve let those things happen, and they’re on a suspension but they’re still in your program?'”

(emphasis mine)

For those who don’t keep up with criminal activity in the SEC, Urban Meyer suspended Gator linebacker Brandon Spikes for the first half of the Vanderbilt game for repeatedly jamming his fingers into the eyes of Georgia running back Washaun Ealey. A couple days later, Spikes decided to pull himself out of the entire game, because as we all know, nothing teaches a lesson better than allowing the perpetrator to choose his own punishment.

Kiffin is obviously taking a swipe at Meyer’s program and disciplinary practices, but by not naming him directly, he’s not going to get nailed for it. It’s a small thing, but it shows that Lane will not change his winning attitude at the whim of the SEC. DO NOT CROSS THE KIFF!