Josh Freeman

Posts Tagged ‘tim brown’

Tim Brown Has Theories

January 23, 2013 at 01:13am by Scott   •  10 Comments »

Oh, and the moon landing, too. Totally staged.
So, is everyone from Notre Dame a fucking moron this week?

“We all called it sabotage . . . because [Bill] Callahan and [Tampa Bay coach Jon] Gruden were good friends,” Tim Brown said. “And Callahan had a big problem with the Raiders, you know, hated the Raiders.

Brown trotted this bullshit conspiracy theory out several years ago and it got no play anywhere. I’m not sure why it’s getting traction now, ten years from the actual event, but it doesn’t make any more sense now than it did then.

Brown’s allegation (if you can call it that since he pussyfoots around it) is that Bill Callahan hated the Raiders so much and Gruden was such a good friend that he changed the offensive game plan from a run-first to a pass-first strategy two days before the Super Bowl so as to intentionally lose the game. This is dumb for about 100 different reasons, 90 of which are “fuck Tim Brown”.

In order for this to be true, we have to believe that Callahan did not care about his career. At that point he had been a coach for 22 years. We have to believe that he finally reached the pinnacle of his profession — you can’t get any higher than where he was at that moment — and then not just didn’t give a shit, but actively worked against his own best interests just to stick it to a boss he didn’t like. Callahan may have been a terrible head coach, but he’s not stupid. He knows how few coaches ever reach the Super Bowl in their lives. Does anyone believe he would have thrown away the chance to win it for a grudge?

And if he was really so conniving, how would they have even made it to the Super Bowl? Wouldn’t he have fucked up their game plans all season long? Especially against the Chiefs, their long-time rivals? Al Davis HATED the Chiefs. If you really wanted to stick the knife in his heart and twist it, you spike the Gatorade with Sominex during the Chiefs game and let them roll over your Raiders. They did lose to the Chiefs at Arrowhead 20-10, but they kicked the hell out of them in Oakland 24-0.

The Gruden angle is stupid, too. Most coaches are somewhat friendly, and some are even good friends. I’m going to guess none of them has ever volunteered to throw even a preseason game for the other, let alone the world championship. Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith are great friends. Does anyone think the Colts didn’t earn their victory? Mike Ditka loved Tom Landry like a father, and yet had no problem kicking the shit out of the Cowboys 44-0 in the 1985 regular season. The two Harbaugh brothers are about to go head to head for the Lombardi trophy and something tells me brotherly love plays no part in this. Callahan loved Gruden more than all those guys? If that’s true, then someone please lock up Bill Callahan immediately.

Oh, and what a brilliant strategy that would have been to ruin the game for the Raiders: Switch to a passing game for the #1 passing team in the league. That’ll show ‘em! Rich Gannon was the MVP. He didn’t get that award by handing the ball to Charlie Garner all the time. “I’m going to sabotage this movie by getting James Cameron to direct it!”

Barret Robbins begged Coach Callahan, ‘Do not do this to me. I don’t have time to make my calls, to get my calls ready. You can’t do this to me on Friday. We haven’t practiced full speed, we can’t get this done.’”

Brown tiptoed around the question of whether the change caused Robbins to go off the deep end, suggesting that it had an impact and then explaining that there’s no way to know if it did. “I’m not saying one had anything to do with the other,” Brown said. “All I’m saying is those are the facts of what happened Super Bowl week. So our ire wasn’t towards Barret Robbins, it was towards Bill Callahan. Because we feel as if he wouldn’t have did what he did, then Barret wouldn’t have done what he did.

Oh, and he was a bipolar drunk who spent that last year and a half in prison. So I’m going to go ahead and say maybe Robbins flew off the handle for reasons that didn’t involve protection calls.

To Brown’s credit, Jerry Rice is backing him up. But I’m not too inclined to believe what Rice is saying since he’s an entitled media whore (ask Steve Largent) and is probably looking for any excuse to mitigate the only blemish on his professional record. Well, that and the massage parlor thing. Former Raiders calling Brown a nutjob are Bill Romanowski (not helping), Lincoln Kennedy (no one gives a shit) and Gannon, the only one I will give any credibility too. So we have Tim Brown’s word against the quarterback’s. You know, the really accurate quarterback who threw five interceptions that night. I dunno, maybe the Buccaneer defense was just really good.

Or maybe Callahan should have changed checks and signals after Gruden left town. Or maybe he was just a really bad coach who got lucky with a decent team one year and then choked during the big game. It happens. Just ask Mike Martz. Or Ray Malavasi. Or Ken Whisenhunt. Or Forrest Gregg. Or… well, you get my point. But that doesn’t mean the fix was in. It just means Brown is still bitter over losing the Super Bowl, only getting one catch in that game and having to hold his own retirement press conference, and he needs some attention and couldn’t wait until next week when people ask him how it feels to come so close to getting into the Hall of Fame but not making it.

Because if Andre Reed is left standing at the front door, your ass is still on the bus on the other side of town.

Keyshawn Is Good At English, Attention Whoring

January 20, 2009 at 11:19am by Scott   •  1 Comment »

Give me one second, Key.  I'm just about ready to respond to your statements.
Everyone picks on Emmitt Smiff because he routinely butchers the English language like Michael Irvin butchers teammates’ throats. But that means that attention isn’t being paid to Keyshawn Johnson, and he can’t have that. WE MUST ALL PAY ATTENTION TO KEYSHAWN!

“I was deactivated by Jon Gruden and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers back in 2003. And I hate to bring that up, but it’s funny to me. Because as you like to say Tom, vilified.”

No, not “vilified”. You mean “vindicated”, as in you think you were proven correct. They both start with “v”, so I guess you were kind of close. You could have also picked “vacuous”, “vagina” or “venereal disease”, all of which have been used to describe you at one time or another.

“In all the craziness, Boomer, Tom Jackson, Michael Irvin, Steve Young, everything was me.”

“Look at me. I’m going to call each of you by name. Look me in my eyes and listen to what I am saying to you right now. Are you looking? IRVIN, STOP DOIN’ BUMPS AND LOOK AT ME! Ready? Here it is. Everything…. was…. me. ME!”

When you sit around and you look at guys now, Michael Clayton, he has a problem. When you hear guys are now coming out and saying these sorts of things, I happened to be on the team and said that, so I am not surprised that he’s gone.

Oh God how I wish I could find the ESPN clip from just a couple months ago where he was saying good shit about Gruden. I think it was during the Monday night game, but I’m not sure and it’s probably not isolated in its own clip anyway. But he was talking Gruden up, I promise.

“Jon is the type of guy that will tell you one thing and then the next thing you know will say, I need to go get a guy like Tim Brown.”

Right, because you would have been the perfect mentor for Clayton. And everyone knows when you’ve got a prima donna cockstain on your sideline, you immediately want to create another one.

“He was a like a used car salesman in this situation. A great X’s and O’s coach but he wore out the welcome. I may have been the first to say it, but I won’t be the last. I guarantee that.”

“I WAS THE FIRST TO SAY IT! Gruden may have coached in San Francisco, Green Bay, Philadelphia and Oakland before he came to Tampa Bay, but no one ever had anything bad to say about him in any of those places ever! I, Keyshawn Johnson, am the visionary who had the foresight and fortitude to step up and say something negative about his boss. No one had ever thought to do that before me! Keyshawn Johnson: Football Oracle.”

So, Keyshawn, how’s that Super Bowl ring fitting these days?

Tim Brown Is Bullish On BoA

July 08, 2008 at 09:35am by Scott   •  No Comments »

Have you been wanting to invest in the stock market, but didn’t have a retired NFL wide receiver to tell you what to buy? Well, your long wait is over! Tim Brown is writing a column for TheStreet.com where he picks teams and stocks.

I think going with the Chargers is a pretty easy call — just look at the competition and track record.

Very bold. The only easier prediction to win a division is the Patriots. I wonder if his stock advice is just as deep.

Wachovia has been mired in a number of problems, while Citigroup has experienced problems of its own. Out of the group, I like Bank of America the best.

Yup, banks are experiencing problems. That should about cover it. Any further analysis would just be a waste of effort; kind of like fair catching every single punt that floats your way. But wait, do you have maybe one more useless football reference to throw in there to remind us why we might remember your name?

I’m going long with this play and I like our chances of connecting for a big score.

Perfect.

Hey, look at that.  Adam Archuleta is getting ready to help out with a tackle.  That's like snapping a picture of a bigfoot.